The Red Part Or The Lobster Part?
“If Red Lobster dies, part of me will, too”
– Toronto Star
Or They Could Gnaw Their Own Genitals Off
I Hear That Works For Beavers…
“Liberals need to stand up to RCMP”
– Toronto Star
Yes. The Ages Of 96 And 100
“He’s 100. She’s 96. Theirs is a love story for the ages”
– Toronto Star
It Can Be Hard When A Country Discovers That Democracy Is Not A One And Done Deal
“For Bulgarian Voters, It Is Time for a National Election. Again.”
– New York Times
I Feel Safer
“Police have spent $1.5M so far on 2026 World Cup
Expenditures include salaries, commemorative coins, Apple headphones”
– Toronto Star
Karmic Takes Many Lifetimes To Pay Back
“Canadians acquiring more debt of all kinds”
– Toronto Star
Giant Talking Mice Are Part Of Nature…Aren’t They?
“FAMILY TRAVEL
Nurture kids’ interest in nature wherever your vacation takes you”
– Toronto Star
Cause They Sure As Shit Aren’t Gonna Adapt To You!
Not That I’m Bitter…
“Learn to adapt to your partner”
– Toronto Star
Give Us Another Week Or Two, And We’ll Run Out Of The Noxious Substance – Problem Solved!
“Plastics plant seeks more time to meet regulations
Factory has been leaking dangerous levels of benzene”
– Toronto Star
Interfering With Crash Investigation? Makes A Nice Change From Extorting Favours From Sex Workers And Borrowing Drugs From The Evidence Locker
“Senior cop facing misconduct charges
Unit commander accused of interfering with investigation of nephew’s crash”
– Toronto Star
1. It’s Dating
2. It’s In Toronto
“Content creator shares challenges of dating in Toronto”
– Toronto Star
Expect Americans To Cheat And You Won’t Be Surprised
“North American relations need work, BMO head says
Canada must do more to lay groundwork to avoid trade talk surprises”
– Toronto Star
We’re All Caged Birds
“Everyone Sings, But No One Is Sure Why”
– New York Times
So Irish Ayes Can Always Be Smiling?
“Ottawa considering foundation to honour Mulroney”
– Toronto Star
Why Is Everybody So Concerned About Employees?
What About Management’s Work-bank Balance?
“Finding right work-life balance is important”
– Toronto Star
But Was Management?
“Statcan study details benefits of remote work
Data found employees were more satisfied with work-life balance when logging in from home”
– Toronto Star
And Just When We Were…Convincing Employees To Come Back To The Office!
(Mutters) This Is Why We Never Supported Public Transit!
“Companies planning for possible TTC strike
Remote work and carpooling among suggested solutions”
– Toronto Star
Jury Doesn’t Buy Rationale That World Needed A Third Blues Brother
“Trial hears accused killer was on ‘mission from God'”
– Toronto Star
1. Don’t Leave Your Home
“Five ways to be a more eco-friendly traveller”
– Toronto Star
I Thought They Discouraged That…
“Grab-and go at the LCBO”
– Toronto Star
Reincarnation Is Real!
A Clean Environment, Not So Much!
“Beloved tree returns to Queen’s Park – as a bench
Five years after city cut it down, 200-year-old oak has new purpose”
– Toronto Star
I Always Suspected That…
“Fitness teacher jailed as terrorist”
– Toronto Star
Considering Donald Trump’s Sneakers Sell For $399 A Pair, You Might Be Underestimating The Rubeness Of Today’s Rube
“The rock, bald as an eagle, sells shampoo
An overconfidence has seeped into Hollywood as celebrities believe they can sell anything to rubes”
– Toronto Star
Black, Indigenous And LGBTQ+ Consumers Spend Money, Too
What More Do You Need To Know?
“Building a business case for inclusivity”
– Toronto Star
Considering How Many Years Ago This Happened, Can We Say That The Newspaper Of Record Is Going The Way Of Vinyl?
“Trump Now A Pariah In City He Rose From”
– New York Times
Jonathan Is Sad – Why Do Comedians Get The Blame For Everything?
“Winters dampen palm tree experiment”
– Toronto Star
For The Children!
…Of The One Per Cent…
“U.K. PM’s party must stay together”
– Toronto Star
None Of Their Members Were Involved, So May As Well Let ‘Er Rip!
“NDP, Greens open to naming Mps
Committee report found unnamed politicians ‘wittingly’ collaborated with foreign governments”
– Toronto Star
CEOs Respond: “Why, There Oughta Be A Law!”
“Chow meets with CEOs about more office days
Mayor says she’s concerned about downtown becoming a ‘ghost town'”
– Toronto Star
Like Bed?
“Be aware of falling into old habits with your ex”
– Toronto Star