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Headlines Will Never Pretend Not to Hear Your Question and Walk Out of the Press Conference

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Bullying Employees By Email Isn’t As Effective
Or Satisfying
And Anyway, It Leaves A Trail


“Why insist on office mandates?”

Toronto Star


Changing My Car Engine? Are You Kidding? I Can Barely Change My Baby’s Diaper!


“Sometimes a costly repair is the least expensive option
When it comes to engines, would you prefer to swap in a new one or buy a new car? If changing the engine, is this something you’d do yourself?

Toronto Star


Well, Duh! They’re The Only Ones Who Can Afford Them!


“Why are we building more dwellings for investors?”

Toronto Star


Hard To Tell, But It’s Obvious Politicians Are


“Are cops, lawyers watching too much crime TV?”

Toronto Star


Change My Baby’s Diaper


“Is there anything this station wagon can’t do?”

Toronto Star


Because The Country Has The Same Number Of Male Vulture Capitalists As It Has Always Had


“Canada has more women entrepreneurs than ever. Why are they still struggling?”

Toronto Star


Not To Laugh With A Mouth Full Of Milk?
Not To Run Down A Hallway Lined With Photos Of Ancestors Holding Scissors?
Not To Say “I Love You” If We Don’t Mean It?
Sure, We Learned Lessons – We Didn’t Say They Were The Right Ones


“Have we learned COVID’s lessons?”

Toronto Star


God Bless Us For Having The Privilege Of Being Able To Ask Such Penetrating Questions


Why does Keanu kiss with his eyes open?
Actor’s red-carpet smooch with partner begs question: is it a new tic or is he just a weirdo?”

Toronto Star


They’re More Effective At Killing The Elderly Than MAID


“Why are these nursing homes getting funding?”

Toronto Star


Speak For Yoursefl
I’m So Arouuuused I Can Barely xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


“Celebrities Are Going Nearly Nude. Are We Not Aroused?”

New York Times


Are All Canadians?


“Trudeau is doing everything he can to gain traction. Is it working?”

Toronto Star


Out Getting Coffee For Male Board Members


“Where are the women banking CEOs?”

Toronto Star


Richie Rich
Something About Owning Land Turned Him Mean


“Who made the decision to evict shelter residents?”

Toronto Star


I Hear Their Meat Is Kind Of…Stringy…


“Eat a python, save the planet
These foreign snakes are consuming the Everglades. Could putting them on our plates help climate change?”

Toronto Star


It Is If You Killed The Owners To Get Them


“I just like open houses. Is that a crime?”

Toronto Star


Maybe Not, But Somebody Has To Make Brian Mulroney Look Like A Statesman


“Is Poilievre the alternative voters want?”

Toronto Star


Cherry Blossoms? Do They Play For Petawawa?


“Will Leafs or cherry blossoms fall first?”

Toronto Star


Handmaids To The Conservative Party


“As Liberals veer left, what next for the NDP?”

Toronto Star


Police Have To Get To Them, But Can’t Because…


“BLOCK BUSTERS
Drivers clogging intersections on red lights are a leading cause of traffic misery in the downtown core. Why do so few of them face penalties for it?”

Toronto Star


Lust, Greed, A Craving For Animal Crackers – Take Your Pick


“‘What motive would this person have?'”

Toronto Star


Who Says Being Miserable Doesn’t Make Them Happy?


“Can the Left Be Happy?”

New York Times


I Would Have Done It With Less Style And More Swearing


“What if it had been you?”

Toronto Star


Not If It Makes The Vehicle The Butt Of A Cheap Joke


“Is the Jeep Grand Cherokee better with a plug?”

Toronto Star


Don’t Ask Maria


“How do you solve a problem like traffic?”

Toronto Star


How Many Friends Have You Got?


“Worth the risk to tell my friend the truth?”

Toronto Star


Only When Somebody Has Put Anchovies In My Club Soda


“Are you an ‘echoist'”

Toronto Star


Naah – Every Time We Feel A Spark, The Other Country Turns Out To Already Have A Partner


“Can Canada meet electricity goals?”

Toronto Star


How To Lace Lutefisk With LSD


“What does Finland know about happiness?”

Toronto Star


About The Time It Looked Towards Finland For Lessons About Being Happy


“When did the LCBO lose control?”

Toronto Star


Trying To Figure Out How To Get Them To Share?


“Smelling pot smoke from your condo neighbours?”

Toronto Star


Congratulations On Trivializing Two Important Social Issues In A Single Headline
That Level Of Compassionlessness Takes Decades To Perfect


“Are protests a loophole for the homeless?”

Toronto Star