Is Jamal Khashoggi Still Dead?
“Are we really still doing this?”
– Jared Kushner, when asked about Saudi leader Mohammed bin Salman’s complicity in the murder of a journalist
Palestinians’ Terror Of Being Able To Stave Off Starvation By Eating?
“Their money is funding terror, as simple as that.”
– Israeli government spokesperson Ilana Stein on Canada’s restoration of funding for the United Nations Relief and Works Agency
And Like Me, They Can’t Quote A Single Passage From It
They’re Just Happy To Know It’s In The Dresser Next To Their Bed…Or Next To The Gold-plated Toilet In Their Bathroom…Or…Somewhere In The House…Probably…
“It’s very important and very important to have a lot of people have it. All Americans need a Bible in their home, and I have many. It’s my favourite book. It’s a lot of people’s favourite book.”
– Donald Trump, deploying the $60 God Bless the USA Bible grift
Not My Jurisdiction? Oh, Well. You Can’t Blame A Guy For Being Trying…
“A lot of the spaces…are provincially and municipally controlled, so it is unclear…what reach federal legislation would have to change them (but) female sports, female change rooms, female bathrooms, should be for females, not biological males.”
– Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre
Because He’s An Uncouth Angry Little Man Who Divides Canadians With Typical Right-wing Fear Tactics, Duh
“Susan Delacourt took more than half a page above the fold to describe how Conservative Leader Pierre Poilievre treats the mainstream media. I have to ask why the people he constantly insults and belittles would give this uncouth angry little man who divides Canadians with typical right-wing fear tactics, space?”
– Toronto Star letter
Fine! I’ll Give Salamein Back The Corner Of The Storage Unit I Took From Him!
“There has been an accepted agreement since the end of the Second World War that territory conquered by force is not legitimate. And that principle is bring breached.”
– historian Margaret MacMillan
Do We Get Better-quality Outcomes From The Private Sector?
Have You Paid For An ER Visit Lately?
“Major sectors of the economy are literally being taken over by government, with recent examples being child care, dental care and now pharmacare. Do we get better-quality outcomes in state-run health and education sectors? Tried visiting an ER lately?”
– Bank of Nova Scotia economist Derek Holt
Trump Responded: “Dead Singers Aren’t Heroes. I Prefer Singers Who Are Alive.”
“It is no exaggeration to say that Sinead would have been disgusted, hurt and insulted to have her work misrepresented in this way by someone who she herself referred to as a ‘biblical devil.'”
– the estate of Sinead O’Connor asking Donald Trump to stop playing her hit “Nothing Compares 2 U” at his rallies
And The Liberal Elites In The Poilievre Conservative Party
And The Liberal Elites In The Cummer Lodge Retirement Home
And The Liberal Elites At The Bottom Of Lake Ontario
And I…May Need To Take A Break From Politics For A Little While…
“And when I say ‘liberal elites,’ I am talking about Justin Trudeau and the Liberal Party, but not just them… I am also talking about the liberal elites who run the Ontario Ministry of Education.”
– Jamil Jivani, Conservative MP for Durham
Isn’t That The Definition Of Capitalism?
“[Cryptocurrency] is not an asset class, and it’s not an investment. It’s pure speculation. It has no intrinsic value. It is not profitable… The only value bitcoin has is that somebody else is willing to pay more for it.”
– Colin White, Verecan Capital Management
Zionists Are The J. Jonah Jamesons Of Modern Political Discourse
“That seems to me to be a clear targeting of this hospital. Regardless of the intent of the individual, who climbed up to plant a Palestinian flag, the impact is pretty clear.”
– UJA Federation of Greater Toronto VP Noah Shack on pro-Palestinian protesters outside Mount Sinai hospital
“Accusations of anti-semitism because a protester climbed different buildings along the rally route to proudly display a Palestinian flag is ridiculous.”
– protest organizer Gur Tsabar
Putin For President!
It Has A Ring To It
A Bathtub Ring…
“What was radicalizing [for me], was the city of Moscow…so much nicer than any city in my country… You have to sort of wonder, like, isn’t that the ultimate measure of leadership?”
– Tucker Carlson
Is That Why You Make Silent Films?
“Frankly, I hate dialogue. Dialogue is for theatre and television. I don’t remember movies because of a good line, I remember movies because of a strong image…”
– director Denis Villeneuve
Why Am I Never Invited To Poker Night At The Ford Manse?
“We’re going to triple down on getting judges that believe in throwing someone in jail.”
– Ontario Premier Doug Ford
Too Bad The Former President Doesn’t Have A Spare Billion Or Two, Or He Could Make This Whole Thing Disappear In A New York Minute
“A bond of this size is rarely, if ever seen. In the unusual circumstance that a bond of this size is issued, it is provided to the largest public companies in the world, not to individuals or privately held businesses.”
– Gary Giuletti, an insurance broker in Trump’s employ, on the former president’s $454 million civil fraud judgment
The Fact That He Knew How Important It Was Made His Failure To Do It That Much Sadder
“He [Brian Mulroney] always knew that the most important thing was getting a good deal for Canada.”
– Prime Minister Justin Trudeau
And The Best Part? Suntanning In February!
“We’ve proven that you can protect the environment without a costly, job-killing carbon tax.”
– press secretary to Ontario’s Environment Minister Alex Catherwood
This Is What We’re Saying! Gaza Is An Unnecessary Bloodba – What? You Were Talking About Vietnam? Yeah…Uhh…That Was Bad, Too, We Guess…
“They just bombed and bombed and bombed until there were no targets left. That made no sense.”
– former US Army Intelligence analyst Chuck Searcy