Thank you, Jacquin Clinique, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we sardonically noted the outrage over Jully Black changing the opening line of “O Canada” from “Our home and native land” to “Our home on native land” at the NBA all-star game. Wow. So much gnashing of teeth and rending of garments over what amounts to a change of two letters. We cannot help but wonder what the reaction would have been if our version, “Our home that was stolen by duplicitous carpetbaggers who entered into and immediately broke treaties, leaving the indigenous population impoverished in reservations on their own land” would have been. We have not ruled out a national stroke.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
In Our Station, We Bodycam, Not Bodycam’t!
Dammit – We’re Gonna Have To Work On Our Public Relations Slogans, Too!
Questions are being asked in the beating death of Jamal Jameel by police.
Bodycam footage shows seven officers approaching Jameel as he was walking down the street. After a couple of seconds, they wrestle him to the ground, repeatedly shouting, “Show me your hands!” and “Put your hands where I can see them!” Unfortunately for the police on the scene, the bodycam footage also shows that Jameel doesn’t have hands. At the inquest into his death, it was revealed that he lost them in a bizarre squirrel swarming incident six years ago.
“Henh henh,” Police Chief Wiggum stated in a press conference the next day. “Seems like the script let our officers down this time. Not to worry. We have our writers working on it, and it’s only a matter of time before our officers have lines that will make sense in the context of this scene.”
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/newyork/2023-02-15-no-way-to-jameeliorate-the-situation_x.htm]
more
But He Scurried With The Gravitas Due His High Office
Ontario Premier Doug Ford stated that making some medical services private does not mean that patients would be paying out of pocket for them. “You will be allowed to complain if a private clinic bills you over OHIP rates,” the Premier assured reporters.
When somebody asked if complaints would actually lead to action, the Premier looked blank for several seconds, then shouted, “They’re on to us!” whipped a pen at the reporter and scurried out of the room.
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2023/02/22/509727.html]
more
Byron Donalds Heard Greene’s Pronouncement And Enthused, “Oh, Yeah! Look At How Much – SOB! – How Much Prog –
SIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHH – Umm…Yeah, What She Said…”
Does she contradict common sense? That’s alright. Marjorie Taylor Greene contains multitudes…of deplorables.
How should somebody embodying black people today look at Confederate monuments? I guess it depends upon how many black people you are made of. If you are three or four black people, you might be proud of the fact that the confederate leaders who are commemorated in statues are well and truly dead. If, on the other hand, you are seven or more black people, you might be concerned that systemic racism permeates every aspect of American society.
Of course, Greene knows exactly what she’s talking about. When she stands in front of a statue of Robert E. Lee with members of the Aryan Nations, they always make comments like, “It’s a damn good thing his side didn’t win the Civil War! Black people are people, and they deserve their freedom!” and “This is a moving testament to how far black people have come in this country!”
Sure, they do.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
more
Political Physicists Would Love To Study Him Under An Electron Microscope, But Avoiding Scrutiny Is The Point Of His Physical Condition
Vice President Mike Pence refused to testify to the January 6 Committee of Congress because of the Separation of Powers clause of the Constitution, claiming he was a member of the Executive Branch. Then, he refused to testify to the Department of Justice investigation because he was President of the Senate, arguing it would violate the Speech and Debate clause of the Constitution.
Political physicists are citing this as the first proof of the existence of a “quantum vice president.” He exists in both the Executive and Legislative branches of government until he is seen by a subpoena, at which point his image collapses into one or the other.
“It would be exciting,” said political physicist Joy Reid, “if its ability to rip a hole in the fabric of space-time-democracy wasn’t so potentially devastating!”
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1124F3UC-2D145-20CK5-A1582614BC711111]
more
Ask Not For Whom The Belzer Tolls
Comedian and actor Richard Belzer, also known as Belz, The Belz, Belzie, With Belz On, Tighten The Belz, When The Belz Come Due, The Belz of Freedom and Richie, has died at the age of 78. His work on Homicide: Life on the Street and Law and Order: Special Victims Unit deserves respect.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
more
I’m Only Asking (Although You’d Have To Be A Complete Moron If My Winking And Gesticulating Didn’t Give You A Strong Idea Of What I Think The Answer Is)
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! It’s like Christmas, my birthday and the Communist Revolution all rolled into one! Kevin McCarthy, out of the goodness of his heart and in the interest of full public disclosure, gave me access to the security footage of the January 6 tourist trip to the Capitol. Can you believe it? Me! I was honoured. I would say I was humbled, but nothing can humble somebody with my annual income. Life just doesn’t work that way. My staff have been combing through the 41 million billion thousand hours of footage, and what we have been finding, folks, is revelatory. Rivettingly revelatory. Now what I’m about to show you is truly shocking, so if you have small children, make sure they’re not eating any popcorn while they watch this. Are you keeping all the popcorn for yourself? Good. This is footage of the hallway in the Capitol building…un hunh. Just ignore the people beating the cop with the staff of a “Don’t Tread On Me!” flag – they’re not important. Right. Just a little longer. That guy smearing feces on the wall? He isn’t defacing public property – he’s making what the libs call “wall art.” HAW! HAW HAW! HAW HAW HAW! No – there! Did you see that? Let’s run it again in slow motion. Did you see that police officer’s hand? Can we zoom in on his hand in slo mo – there! Was that an obscene gesture? It may be grainy, but it sure looked like an obscene gesture to me. You know what that means? Could it be that the tourists were peaceful until they were provoked by Capitol Police?
SOURCE: Turducken Carlson This Late Afternoon
[https://www.fixed.com/turducken-carlson-this-late-afternoon/]
more