Shocking as it is to believe, governments do not always find it in their best interests to tell their people the truth about what they know. This is sometimes referred to as “managing public perceptions,” although when our enemies do it it is usually referred to as propaganda.
See? We’re already engaging in public perception management, and we haven’t really started.
In order to better inform the public about American intentions towards Iraq, I have taken statements recently made by public figures on that subject and applied the Intense Revelations Annex to them. This psychological tool purports to reveal what people are not saying when they speak. Judge for yourself:
What President George Bush said: “The United Nations risks irrelevance if it does not enforce Resolution 1441.” What President Bush meant: “The United Nations risks irrelevance if it doesn’t do what the United States wants it to. The fact that the US has, in the past, ignored UN resolutions when they did not suit our purposes is, itself, irrelevant.”
What Secretary of State Colin Powell said: “This is not about the importance of finding smoking guns.” What Secretary of State Powell meant: “Proof is such a relative concept, don’t you think?”
What President Bush said: European nations should not “back down when defied and mocked by a dictator.” What President Bush meant: “No, I’m not talking about myself. You journalists, pay attention in the back, there!”
What Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld said: “It just happens that Germany, Libya and Cuba are three of those countries that have declared themselves opposed” to war with Iraq. What Secretary of Defence Rumsfeld meant: “Democracies…dictatorships. Allies…enemies. Even smart bombs are no match for such subtle distinctions.”
What Secretary of State Powell said: Iraq has “close ties to terrorist groups, including Al Qaeda.” What Secretary of State Powell meant: “You think we’re dividing our attention when we should be focussing on terrorism? Okay: bingo, bango, everybody we don’t like is, by definition, a terrorist. Yeah, sure, even our own intelligence community thinks the Al Qaeda link is ludicrous, but I’m talking now, okay?”
What President Bush said: “We intend to bring democracy to Iraq.” What President Bush meant: “We’re going to teach their judges how to install candidates into office against the popular will of the people.”
What Secretary of State Powell said: “We continue to reserve our sovereign right to take military action against Iraq alone or in a coalition of the willing.” What Secretary of State Powell meant: “We’ll ally ourselves with Togo if it will further our goals.” What Secretary of State Powell also meant: “Sovereignty is such a relative concept, wouldn’t you say?
What Secretary of Defence Rumsfeld said: “The real threat is there to see… The only question remaining is what we will do about it.” What Secretary of Defence Rumsfeld meant: “I see the real threat… The only question is when everybody else will accept what I say we do about it.”
What President Bush said: “The game is over.” What President Bush meant: “I’m gonna stamp my little feet and hold my breath until the UN gives me my war!”
What Secretary of State Powell said: “We seek nothing for ourselves other than to help bring about security for people who have already suffered too much.” What Secretary of State Powell meant: “All that talk about running Iraq’s oil fields and possibly controlling the country for seven years? That was just Donald practicing his stand-up comedy routine. Funny guy, Donald.”
What National Security Adviser Condoleezza Rice said: “The President is leading a global war on terror not just because America was attacked but because free men and women everywhere are under attack.” What National Security Adviser Rice meant: “I know, I know, there is no evidence linking Iraq to the attack on New York and Washington, and scant evidence linking it to terrorism at all. Still, repeating allegations that its biological weapons can be used by terrorists is not propaganda. We prefer to think of it as ‘viral marketing.'”
What President Bush said: “This will not be a war about oil supplies.” What President Bush meant: “This will be a war about control of oil supplies.”
What Secretary of Defence Rumsfeld said: “There are those who counsel we should delay preparations. Ironically, that approach could well make war more likely, not less, because delaying preparations sends a signal of uncertainty.” What Secretary of Defence Rumsfeld meant: “War is peace. I read that somewhere…”
What Secretary of State Powell said: “Multilateralism cannot be used as an excuse for inaction.” What Secretary of State Powell meant: “I used to have integrity. When did I agree to be the front man for an immoral war waged by a corrupt administration? Dear lord, will somebody please help me find my way?”
I trust everything is now clear.