1) How did Les Pages aux Folles begin?
2) How do you maintain the level of anger necessary to write effective satire?
3) How do you keep from exploding?
4) Does the acronym for Frequently Unasked Questions really mean what I think it means?
5) Do you know how ugly your site is?
6) I’m not talking “your sister has bad teeth, bowl legs and eyes of different colours, but she’s your sister so you love her anyway,” ugly, either. I’m talking “take that Web page out back and shoot it and put the rest of us out of our misery” ugly, you know?
7) So, why don’t you do something about how ugly the site is?
8) When their creativity is flowing, many artists talk about being in “the zone.” Which zone is that?
9) Why don’t you do columns of lists any more?
10) What does the phrase “Les Pages aux Folles” mean?
11) No, really. Is It, like, Italian or something?
12) How come your writing on the Middle East is biased against the State of Israel?
13) How come your writing on the Middle East is biased against Palestinians?
14) Why do you hate Americans?
15) In “What the Heck Do You Know – Millenium Edition” you write “squid is the new calamari.” Don’t you know that calamari is squid?
16) Why do you publish on the World Wide Web? Isn’t it a sinkhole of mediocre writing?
17) Boy, for a Canadian nationalist, you seem to write a lot about American politics. Why is that?
18) Why don’t the questions I submit make it into the Frequently Unasked Questions file?
19) Can I believe a single word in any of your Frequently Unasked Question files?
1) How did Les Pages aux Folles begin?
Les Pages aux Folles was started in 1892 in Paris by les Freres Folles, Jacques and Dmytri. The brothers had watched the proliferation of satirical magazines in the United Kingdom, and didn’t want the English to hog all the fun. Les Pages aux Folles was, in its original incarnation, highly fetaed (owing to the French custom of throwing cheese at book and magazine launches). When the Folles brothers were killed by a punctured balloon that landed on the carriage they were traveling in, a succession of publishers was chosen at random. I inherited Les Pages aux Folles in 1985 from its previous editor, American Franklin le Paz, who bequeathed it to me one day on Bloor Street when he was in the middle of a fatal attack of nasal congestion.
2) How do you maintain the level of anger necessary to write effective satire?
I pay attention.
3) How do you keep from exploding?
I spend a lot of time with small children.
4) Does the acronym for Frequently Unasked Questions really mean what I think it means?
No. You have a dirty mind.
5) Do you know how ugly your site is?
Yes.
6) I’m not talking “your sister has bad teeth, bowl legs and eyes of different colours, but she’s your sister so you love her anyway,” ugly, either. I’m talking “take that Web page out back and shoot it and put the rest of us out of our misery” ugly, you know?
Yes, I know.
7) So, why don’t you do something about how ugly the site is?
It works for me.
8) When their creativity is flowing, many artists talk about being in “the zone.” Which zone is that?
It varies from artist to artist. For some, it’s the area outside the three point line on a basketball court. For others, it’s the Microsoft Network’s game playing Web page. For me, it’s a 60 kilometre an hour stretch of highway.
9) Why don’t you do columns of lists any more?
Seven reasons I don’t do lists any more
- Letterman has run the whole concept into the ground
- haven’t you heard? We’re post-post-modern now (or, if you prefer, pre-Medieval)
- haven’t you heard? Irony is dead (any irony you may, in the future, encounter, is just a figment of a poor writer’s imagination)
- your little satirist has grown up
- I asked myself: what would Zippy the Pinhead do?
- to save my eternal soul
- lists are sooooo 80s!
10) What does the phrase “Les Pages aux Folles” mean?
Whatever you want it to, big boy.
11) No, really. Is It, like, Italian or something?
Good to see Canada’s policy of official bilingualism is paying off. Les Pages aux Folles is a parody of the title of a French film that was popular when I started writing the column, La Cage aux Folles. Folles are foolish people; the original film title meant “cage of fools.” So. Les Pages aux Folles could be translated as “pages of fools.” Now, the English remake of the film was called The Bird Cage, which doesn’t make much sense to me. Maybe I need to take some remedial, err, Italian.
12) How come your writing on the Middle East is biased against the State of Israel?
I usually refer questions of this nature to my confrere, Mickey “Spiny Norman” Deane, a former boxer who currently makes his living as an outplacement consultant for large firms. If you would be so kind as to furnish me with your street address, I’m sure I could prevail upon Mickey to visit you and personally answer your question in excruciating detail.
13) How come your writing on the Middle East is biased against Palestinians?
Have you ever met my friend Mickey “Spiny Norman” Deane?
14) Why do you hate Americans?
Hey, come on! Mickey “Spiny Norman” Deane is only one man! He can’t be in so many places at once!
15) In “What the Heck Do You Know – Millenium Edition” you write “squid is the new calamari.” Don’t you know that calamari is squid?
When it comes to satirists, never assume stupidity when something can be attributed to malice.
16) Why do you publish on the World Wide Web? Isn’t it a sinkhole of mediocre writing?
Because it’s there. (I decided to give Mickey “Spiny Norman” Deane a pass on this one – he’s awfully busy these days and really deserves the break.)
17) Boy, for a Canadian nationalist, you seem to write a lot about American politics. Why is that?
I find Canadian politics to be petty, parochial and largely inconsequential. And, while these are generally considered highly sought after qualities by satirists, I tend to follow the old columnist’s adage: “follow the funny.” (Hey – it worked for Woodward and Bernstein.) Oh, and, don’t call me boy.
18) Why don’t the questions I submit make it into the Frequently Unasked Questions file?
Because you ask them. The only way to ensure that your question is answered is not to ask it.
19) Can I believe a single word in any of your Frequently Unasked Questions files?
Every single word in the Frequently Unasked Questions files is true. It’s only when they are combined that that question becomes dicey.