FADE IN: montage of stereotypical scenes from Taiwan, including: a sampan slogging down a muddy river flanked on either side by floating homes; bicyclists filling cobblestone streets on an overcast day; an ancient, genderless face grinning a toothless smile.
JENNIE BICKER: Spring in Taiwan, when a young girl’s fancy turns to thoughts of making 30 cents an hour to help feed her family. All is not doom, gloom and the imperative of multinational capitalism, however. After a twelve hour shift, girls just wanna go shopping — not for the clothes they’ve been putting together, perhaps, but shopping nonetheless.
CUT TO: a vast room full of women sitting at benches working at sewing machines. All wear formless, baggy grey suits.
MALE DESIGNER: (French accent) For the new season, I wanted something…simple. Something which would accentuate the natural beauty of the Taiwanese garment industry worker.
JENNIE BICKER: For legal reasons, the designer interviewed for this report has chosen to remain anonymous.
MALE DESIGNER: I thought to myself, “What could be simpler than grey?” It expresses the essential hopelessness of these women’s lives…and it’s really comfortable in the sweltering heat of the factory!
CUT TO: Jennie Bicker standing in a small room filled with racks of designer clothes. We cannot clearly see the face of the man she is talking to, but he has a pony tail and sometimes creates a small breeze with a fan he holds in one hand.
JENNIE BICKER: I noticed that this collection had few frills…
MALE DESIGNER: No, that’s very true. The modern Taiwanese woman, she wants to get back to basics — she is no longer the frivolous woman of the…umm…of the early nineties…
CUT TO: a pair of young workers frolicking in an alley behind the building. They are listless — their hearts aren’t really into it. Eventually, they begin to shove each other.
JENNIE BICKER: It must be hard to accessorize with this line…
MALE DESIGNER: Oh, no, no, I don’t think so. Grey goes well with pretty much everything. They can’t afford accessories, of course — the watchword of this collection is…thrifty. This line has very much been designed with that goal in mind — comfortable, affordable and interchangeable. The clothes, I mean.
MUSIC: reaches a crescendo as the models start pulling each others’ hair. After a couple of seconds, the image explodes in a riot of pixels. When it reforms, the picture is an image of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. A title identifies the scene as “Milan.”
JENNIE BICKER: Every season, you know you can count on Italian designers for a few surprises. Well, this year, perhaps the biggest surprise of all is that several of them will be doing time in Italian prisons for bribing tax officials…
CUT TO: the exterior of a foreboding looking prison. A car swishes by, honking once.
CUT TO: inside the prison, where an unhappy man in prison grey sits behind a pane of glass. Behind him various hand-drawn fashion designs have been taped to the wall.
SANTO VERSACE: (translated from Italian) I’ve always argued for a more…minimalist approach to fashion — I don’t like ornateness — frills and…bah!
JENNIE BICKER: I imagine they don’t allow you much choice in here…
SANTO VERSACE: That means nothing to an artist. We all have to work with…limitations…
CUT TO: an old woman in more or less the same setting and clothes. She chain-smokes.
KRIZIA: (translated from Italian) The fabrics we have to work with — it’s ridiculous! How am I supposed to do good work in denim?
JENNIE BICKER: Santo Versace looks at it as an opportunity for creativity…
KRIZIA: Bah! He calls himself a designer, but he’s just…sucking up to get early parole!
CUT TO: Jennie Bicker standing outside the prison.
JENNIE BICKER: Ordinarily, I would make a trite but clever-sounding comment on the show, but right now I’m simply too appalled! This is Jennie Bicker, for FTC — Fashion Crimes Television!