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Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Playing To The Baseless
Explaining why the Conservative government refused a request from Emirates and Etihad Airlines to expand service to Canada, House Leader John Baird said it “would’ve cost Canada literally tens of thousands of jobs.” How can he square this with the fact that Air Canada’s total workforce is only 22,000?
“I was talking of preborn jobs,” Baird explained. “We don’t want to abort Canadian jobs that have not been created yet. That would be immoral. The Bible says so.”
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2010/12/03/baseimpulses101203]
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Its Children Were Too Busy Looking After Their Own Health To Mourn
The Quebec Chronicle-Telegraph has died at the age of 246. North America’s oldest newspaper, it had suffered from poor circulation and had been bleeding red ink for a long time. Towards the end, the newspaper got religion, which may have actually hastened its demise.
No, wait! An angel has been found that brought it back from the dead! Hallelujah! Of course, all that will happen is that the newspaper will limp along on life support for another few years. What were you expecting? A miracle?
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Farce Comes In Threes: Michele Bachmann, Sharon Angle And…
“Tragedy comes in threes. Pearl Harbor, Elizabeth Edwards’s passing, and Barack Obama’s announcement of extending the tax cuts, which is good, but also extending the unemployment benefits.”
– Christine O’Donnell
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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I Liked The Orthodox Better When They Opposed The State Of Israel
10 commandments) Shmuel Eliahu, chief Rabbi of the Israeli town of Safed, has issued an edict that prohibits Jews from renting or selling property to gentiles (read: Arabs). How is this different from the kind of covenants in the past that prohibited the sale or rental of property to Jews?
a) our covenant is with god himself, friend – property law is the least of our concerns!
b) their covenant was motivated by prejudice, while our covenant is motivated by survival (prejudice is just a bonus)
c) because…umm…the difference is clear, clear as crystal because…because…oh, look! Over there! Holocaust! (runs away)
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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SHOCKER!
Conservative Makes An Assange Of Himself
Former Stephen Harper Aide Tom Flanagan, has apologized for his response to a woman who emailed him complaining of his TV comment that WikiLeaks head Julian Assange should be assassinated.
“‘Better be careful, we know where you live’ was not a threat,” Flanagan explained. “It was a campaign slogan that I have been informally seeking opinions on. Obviously, that was one vote against.”
Flanagan added that he still believes that “Better be careful, we know where you live” would make a great poster tag line.
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2010/12/09/500123.html]
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There Will be Pandering To Blood Lust
Nero has decreed that the Ultimate Fighting Championship, which will come to Rome on the Ides of March, will pit Gladiators against lions. And, fans couldn’t be happier.
“It’s not violence,” stated Stephanie Kachmarski. “It’s a sport. These guys are professionals…especially the lions.”
“The crowd is more civilized than at the Greek Olympic Games – yawn!” agreed Gilles Bouchard. “There will be blood, sure. But people should expect much more respect between opponents than the Senate had thought existed. It’s very legitimate.”
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml#50818147465]
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Sign Seven That The Apocalypse Is Nigh
HARPER: I’m Prime Minister Stephen Harper.
McGUINTY: And, I’m Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty.
HARPER: There isn’t much that this socialist, nanny-state supporting tax and spend Liberal and I agree upon.
McGUINTY: That’s true. I would rather gnaw my own elbow off than agree with this fascist, corporate-loving, social programme killing Conservative.
HARPER: Fascist? Really? That was a little over the top, don’t you think?
McGUINTY: Socialist?
HARPER: Point well taken. Still, there is one thing we can agree on, right Dalton?
McGUINTY: Absolutely, Stephen. And, that is that the public doesn’t need to know the truth about what we are doing.
HARPER: Whether it’s a security deal with the United States that would likely diminish the country’s sovereignty and definitely erode Canadians’ right to privacy…
McGUINTY: Or it’s the rules of engagement for the police during the G20 summit…
HARPER: We agree that the best way to deal with the public is to massage the message so that the public doesn’t know the full extent of what we are doing.
McGUINTY: Of course, we feel bad about having to do this.
HARPER: Speak for yourself. I don’t.
McGUINTY: Deceiving the public is not a noble act.
HARPER: It can be if the ends are noble, and what end could be more noble than public safety?
ANNOUNCER: Secrecy…
McGUINTY: That’s the most idiotic argument I have ever heard.
HARPER: That’s because you’re a moron who cannot see the big picture.
ANNOUNCER: If it can bring these two together, imagine what it can do for your relationships.
SOURCE: Drew’s Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/bestpalsforstrife.shtml]
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First, We Censor Manhattan, Then, We Censor The World!
The United States government has advised all citizens not to read any of the WikiLeaks documents.
“We warned members of the State Department not to read them, even if they had written them,” Secretary of State Hillary Clinton explained. “Then, Columbia University warned its students that if they read WikiLeaks, it could jeopardize their chances for getting a job in government after they graduated. But, this was only the beginning.
“We warned left-handed chiropodists not named Mort not to read them. We warned copy writers for medium to large advertising agencies in Manhattan not to read them. We warned members of the Environmental Protection Agency who live west of the Mason-Dixon line not to read them. We warned fans of 90210, then we warned everybody who lived in 90210 not to read them. We warned everybody who drove Chryslers made between June 16, 1978 and February 6, 2006 not to read them. We were about to warn everybody who had ever gone to a Bad Brains concert not to read them, when somebody realized that this piecemeal approach just was too cumbersome and time consuming.
“So, we have warned all Americans not to read the WikiLeaks documents. It’s easier this way.”
SOURCE: CBBS News
[http://www.cbbsnews.com/stories/2010/12/11/wikileaks/main542715.shtml]
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