“The United States is the most powerful nation in the history of the world! Man, you mess with us and we will bring the wrath of god down on you! We will shock you with our displays of military power! We will awe you with the beauty of our weapons! Oh, all you nations mighty and powerful, kneel down before our majesty!”
So, you’re strong.
“You’re quick.”
If you’re so strong, why are you cowering in a fortified bunker 40 feet below the ground?
“Am not!”
It certainly looks like you’re cowering in a fortified bunker 40 feet below the ground…
“Shows how much you know. I am not cowering – I am assuming a prudent defensive posture.”
What’s the difference?
“Cowering is a sign of weakness. Assuming a prudent defensive posture is how the strong respond to adversity.”
Do the strong usually respond to adversity in a fortified bunker 40 feet below the ground?
“This is not a fortified bunker 40 feet below the ground!”
No?
“No! …It’s more like…37 feet below the ground.”
I stand corrected.
“And, anyway, this isn’t a fortified bunker. I got cable. And my Xbox. It’s more like…like an underground den.”
With steel walls.
“And oxygen tanks and…and don’t forget the semiautomatic rifles.”
I hadn’t forgotten.
“I wanted a bazooka, but there’s a three day waiting period, and I didn’t feel I had the luxury of time.”
Ah. So…would it be fair to say that you are taking a prudent defensive posture in a den with steel walls, oxygen tanks and semiautomatic rifles 37 feet below the ground?
“Yeah. So, what’s your point?”
Doesn’t that contradict your standing as a citizen of the greatest military power the world has ever known?
“There are no contradictions.”
In the Buddhist sense?
“In the reality is whatever I say it is sense, and if you disagree, I have a semiautomatic rifle named ‘Ginger’ that I would be happy to introduce you to.”
That won’t be necessary. Thanks. So, why, exactly, are you down here?
“The wife and kids were driving me nuts. It’s nice and quiet.”
You’ve been down here for 757 days.
“That first day doesn’t count. I was just checking to see which supplies I would need to lay in.”
I stand corrected – 756 days. And, you say you’re here for the peace and quiet?
“The, uhh, crickets chirping woke me up early in the morning.”
So, the fact that you’re down here has nothing to do with 9/11?
“Please! That’s like saying that Saddam Hussein didn’t have weapons of mass destruction!”
Saddam Hussein didn’t have weapons of mass destruction.
“Don’t be stupid! Don’t you know a…a serendipity when you hear it?”
A serendipity?
“Well, some figure of speech like that.”
Ah. So…the fact that you came down here the day after 9/11 has nothing –
“Look. I’ve already told you: I only came down here on the first day to check on supplies.”
I stand corrected.
“If you’re not going to listen, I’m going to stop talking.”
And chagrined. Still, you must admit that the timing looks suspicious.
“So, what if it is? Prudent…defensive…posture – ring a bell?”
What keeps you down here – it’s not fear, then?
“YOU TAKE THAT BACK!”
I was just asking.
“WAS IT FEAR THAT KEPT BRITISH PEOPLE COWERING IN THEIR UNDERGROUND BUNKERS DURING THE BLITZ?”
The British didn’t cower in their bunkers during the Blitz.
“They didn’t?”
They danced.
“Danced?”
That’s right.
“I could dance if I…if I didn’t have this bum leg.”
But, that was only while the Germans were bombing London. Most of the time, they went about their business, going to work or school, shopping, going to movies or hanging out at the pub in the evening. Remember when President Bush said that Americans shouldn’t change the way they lived or the terrorist would win?
“Course.”
Well, for the British, this wasn’t just empty rhetoric, it was a fact of life.
“Easy for them. The British didn’t have constant terror alerts to remind them of impending doom.”
True. They just had 58 straight days of bombs falling on their city.
“What are you saying?”
I’m just suggesting that, for somebody who lives in the country with the greatest military force the world has ever known, you do seem somewhat…not brave.
BLAM!
Ah. Well, that tends to – cough cough – end the…end the argu…