Spam A Lot?

Hi there,

I’m managing online promotions for the upcoming Office Space Special Edition With Flair DVD release, and thought this sweepstakes we’re running might be right up your alley. We’ve created a site, www.miltonarmy.com, that encourages all the disgruntled office workers around the nation to download our Milton Army tools and make Milton’s presence felt in their office and beyond. The artwork was created exclusively for this contest by Shepard Fairey, the creator of Obey Giant. The winning team gets a trip to Los Angeles to attend a DVD release party!

I’d appreciate it if you could post some info about the contest on your site. I’ve attached the press release for more information. If you can put something up, please let me know so I can check it out. Let me know if you have any questions.

Oh, Mister Levin!

The creator of Les Pages aux Folles forwarded your email to me with instructions to “brush that corporate bastard off,” but, well, when I realized that you represented Twentieth Century Fox, I just couldn’t! I mean, I just couldn’t! Just the thought of a transnational entertainment megaconglomerate using our modest little Web site – our really rather drab and pathetic little Web site, whose traffic amounts to a fraction of a fraction of Nielsen ratings point – to promote one of its fine, fine internationally distributed and marketed products, well, I hope you don’t mind my forwardness, but I had a chubby for the entire day! It’s true! It hurt me to sit at my desk!

Since I have your attention, I was wondering: seeing as how we’re five years into the new millennium, don’t you think you should retire the Twentieth Century Fox corporate name? You could use Twenty-first Century Fox, I suppose, but you should already have learned not to use names that come with an expiry date, and, in any case, Twenty-first Century Fox sounds like the name of a porn film. Not great for the old corporate image, eh?

If I may be a bit presumptuous, you need to strike out in a bold new direction. The Rupert Network: now, there’s a name with history, with charisma, with weight. With money. Yes, it will take a lot of money to rebrand the television network, the film production studio, the film distribution network, the record labels and so on. Still, it would be money well spent: you wouldn’t want anybody thinking you named the conglomerate after Stewie’s stuffed bear on the wonderful Fox series Family Guy! And, anyway, it’s not like Mr. Murdoch can’t afford it.

Ahem. Well. In any case.

The Les Pages aux Folles creator seems quite firm in his stand against using his Web site to promote the work of corporations whose advertising budget is orders of magnitude larger than the amount of money he has made in his entire lifetime. Artists! I’m sure you know how they are – after all, you have to deal with Bernie Mac. Still, I shall work on him, Mister Levin. And, if you ever have an opening in your public relations department, I hope you’ll remember the man who gave you the idea for the Rupert Network.

nancie

bye :-)

http://spaces.msn.com/members/Wondertopcures/?05.html

Donald

little suspecting that to my eye you could never alter.” The sounds were retreating, and Anne distinguished no more. Anne smiled, and let it pass. It was too pleasing a blunder

Nickolas,

Or, should I call you “donald?” Don’t think just because you’ve used the lower case for the name you signed the letter with that I didn’t realize that it was you. (Unless you’ve agreed to front for somebody named “donald,” but that’s too complicated for an email which, in the final analysis, is only made up of three words and a URL.) Oh, I’m on to your little game, Mister. Don’t think I’m not.

The smiley face is meant to convey merriment, but, in reality, it hides the fact that you’re dumping nancie for this ophelia character. Oh, yes. It’s all very clear. As the great 1960s band Undisputed Truth sang:

They don’t write them like that any more, that’s for sure. There’s more pathos in that one “uh” than there is in a thousand Death From Above 1979 songs. Even if they did write them like that any more, though, adding a smiley face wouldn’t be likely to ease nancie’s aching heart, now, would it?

Of course, you knew that. That’s why you sent her the URL to an online pharmacy that sells Valium. What kind of a monster are you? In my day (which, yes, was well before the Internet) we gave a woman a shot of whiskey before we dumped her. That’s right. If alcohol was good enough for your grandmother, it most certainly is good enough for nancie.

Heartless bastard.

you put your right foot in and you shake it all about Alfee fie fo fumbled the footballbuster Brown cowtown hall meeting of the mind meld with the alien Deighton Ton Macoutess of the D’UrbervilLeslie UggAmsterdamaged goods and service on that and the swelling will go down in the dump closed on Thanksgiving before, so

Don’t try and outgibberish me, Nickolas, donald or whoever you are. I work for people who wrote the book on gibberish, and some of their talent has obviously worn off on me!