“Are we there yet?” “No.” “Are we there yet?” “NO!” “Are we there yet?” “I SAID NO!” “Are we there yet?” “For god’s sake, Matthew, we haven’t moved in five hours! We’re not there – not only are we not there, but if I can’t figure out how to get some gasoline, and I mean soon, we’ll never get off this highway! You and your sister will probably have to eat me to survive, but I’ll be the lucky one because then you’ll have to scavenge on the roadside to keep yourselves alive! Do you understand?” “I guess…” “Good.” “Are we there yet?” “This is why parents murder their children…”
“I’m not abandoning the Mercedes!” “Jesus, Kyle, we can’t stay here! We’re not making any headway!” “Do you have any idea how much I paid for this car?” “Sweetie, you can get another one.” “I have another one. Several. That’s not the point. Can’t we just pay somebody else to walk away from this for us? You know I have fallen arches.” “Kyle, if you took a moment to look at the larger picture, you wouldn’t fret so.” “The bigger picture?” “Exactly. No matter what happens, we’ll still be white and rich.” “Mmm…it’s always good, when faced with a natural disaster, to have some perspective…”
“Good lord, did you see that?!” “What?” “That car. Going into Houston.” “Oh. What of it.” “Is that guy insane?” “Naah. Just an advance man for Halliburton.”
“They say that Rita is developing into a Category 4 storm.” “Is that all?” “Are you kidding? That’s enough to level entire cities!” “Yeah, but New Orleans got hit with a Category 5 hurricane. If they can get a Category 5, we should get a Category 6!” “There’s no such thing!” “Then, they should create one just for us.” “Why would anybody want to do that?” “Because we do everything bigger in Texas.”
“I’m gonna buy me a barbecue.” “A barbecue?” “Yeah. And, not one of these little round charcoal powered pieces of shit, either. A huge honking gas powered job.” “How’re you gonna afford to buy a gas powered barbecue?” “Check it out. They started giving checks for $2,000 to victims of Katrina.” “Dude, they quickly stopped doing that.” “Yeah, but, now they’re promising to give $5,000.” DUDE!” “What?” “In the first place, the government is gonna go bankrupt before anybody sees a penny of that money.” “They’ll just print up more – god willing.” “Second – if we don’t get off this highway, we won’t live to spend any government money.” “I’ll leave the barbecue to my mother…”
“Houston, we have a go. Do you copy, Houston? Over.” “Frank, that’s not funny.”
“Hot enough for ya?” BANG BANG! BANG BANG BANG! “I’ll, uhh, take that as a – gasp! – yes…”
“I said we shouldn’t go.” “Okay, ma.” “I didn’t want to leave everything your father and me had built up over the years.” “You had a one bedroom apartment with a moose head mounted on the wall, ma.” “I’m gonna miss that moose head.” “It wasn’t even real.” “Your father killed that moose on our honeymoon!” “It was made of fibreglass, ma. Not a lot of fibreglass moose in the wilds of New Jersey.” “It’s easy for you. You’re young. You got no sense of history.” “You know, ma, now isn’t the best time –” “If the good lord hadn’t taken your father, he would have hung on to that moose head, hung on with all his might.” “Ma?” “Yes?” “I’m going to put the radio on real loud, now.” “I said we shouldn’t g –” “I’M DOIN’ ALRIGHT, GETTING GOOD GRADES, MY FUTURE’S SO BRIGHT…”
“You think this is god’s punishment?” “Now, Mabel, I know we been living in sin and all, but I don’t think god would destroy a whole state just fer –” “No, I meant god punishing the President.” “Why would god want to go and do that fer?” “Hubris, Clyde. Dubya needs to be punished for presuming to be an instrument of the divine will.” “I can see why god would send a hurricane to Texas, it being the President’s home and all. But, if he wanted to punish Dubya, why send a hurricane to New Orleans?” “Practice, Clyde. Practice, pure and simple.”
“Man, if we get out of this alive, I’m getting an electric car!” “A prius?” “Don’t call me names! I’m doing the best I can, okay?”