“So, Donny –”
“Danny.”
“Right. Denny. How do you like working for C-D-I-K?”
“It’s only been three hours.”
“Must be exciting for you.”
“I haven’t really processed –”
“Sure, it is. Here. There’s something we’d like you to read on the air.”
“Hmm…oh…sure. I – what? I can’t read this!”
“Why not?”
“I’ve only been working here for three hours.”
“Nobody will know. Well, I mean, if you stop saying that.”
“It won’t sound credible coming from me.”
“Believe me, it wouldn’t sound any more credible coming from any of us.”
“Not helping, Dick.”
“Sorry, Dick.”
“So, Ronny –”
“Danny.”
“Right. Randy. Please read what we’ve prepared for you.”
“Well…uhh…okay. ‘Last week, radio station C-D-I-K ran promos that suggested that we would be airing the Rolling Stones concert live from the Palais Royale with Cheese. However, at the time the Stones were playing live, we actually aired a tape of a concert they gave at the Palais Casino Royale in 1938. Alert listeners realized that they were not hearing a live concert the first time we cut away from the music to air an ad for Camel cigarettes. I’d like to apologize to listeners of C-D-I-K for the deception. When I made the decision two weeks ago to run the promotion, it seemed like a good idea. Now, I realize this is exactly the sort of behaviour that is fuelling the sales of iPods, and that’s not a good idea. So, I have to admit, I have been the Moron of the Moment.’”
“Moron of the Month, more like.”
“Moron of the Millennium, if you ask me.”
“You think anybody listening is going to buy that?”
“You gave a brilliant reading.”
“I won’t kid you – I teared up.”
“Yeah, but, I’ve only been working here –”
“That’s not important.”
“But, how could I have made a decision two weeks ago if –”
“The important thing is that you made a mistake, and you were big enough to admit it.”
“Uhh, okay. How…how is this going to affect my job?”
“Oh, you’ll be fired.”
“Like you were shot out of a cannon.”
“That’s one way of going far in the industry.”
“Kind of a painful way.”
“I hope you have a net.”
“Do you have a net?”
“I’m gonna be fired?”
“Of course. We can’t keep executives who make boneheaded programming and promotional decisions.”
“We’d soon be out of business.”
“But –”
“And, as boneheaded decisions go, yours was one of the worst I’ve ever seen in my three decades in the radio industry.”
“Camels cigarettes? What were you thinking? They’re so unhip!”
“But –”
“It’s you or us, pal.”
“And, our money is on us.”
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME I WOULD BE FORED BEFORE I STARTED?”
“Would you have read the apology if we?”
“Of course not!”
“Question pretty much answers itself, doesn’t it?”
“For somebody who wanted to be a radio executive, you ask the dumbest questions.”
“But, not to worry. We actually have something for you.”
“I don’t want a Moron of the Moment t-shirt. Thanks.”
“It’s better than that.”
“What could be better than a Moron of the Moment t-shirt, Dick?”
“Let me tell the man, Dick. You’ll be getting an employee of the year plaque.”
“But, I only worked here for three hours.”
“Fortunately, the rules of this employee of the year thing are a little…loose.”
“So, you’re rewarding me for taking the fall for somebody else’s mistake?”
“Hey, it worked for Bush.”
“You see the honking great medal he gave George Tenet?”
“It’s a thing of gorgeousness.”
“Oh, and we have something else for you.”
“Oh?”
“A tour of the exit from the studio.”
“I don’t need –”
“GUARD!”
“There’s no need. I’ll go quietly.”
“Good, cuz we don’t like hanging out with losers.”
“Hard enough hanging out with each other.”
“Don’t let the door hit your employee of the year plaque on the way out!”
“Well, I’m glad that’s over with.”
“We’ve got a minute before we have to go to commercial. What should we do now?”
“I have a concert announcement to make.”
“Yeah? Who’s coming?”
“Jim Morrison!”
“Uhh…Dick?”
“That’s right. He’ll be playing live with The Doors at the Palais de Justice Royale on August 31st. The opening act will be Big Brother and the Holding Company, featuring the incomparable Janis Joplin. And, the best part is that we’ll be airing live coverage of the concert!”
“…”
“What do you think?”
“How many employee of the year plaques can we give out in one year?”