People ask me why I don't express more outrage at the revelations coming out of the Gomery Commission's investigation of Liberal Party corruption in Quebec. Really. They do. I get asked this question more often than I get asked, "Hey, buddy, what's your problem?" although not quite as much as: "Are you sure you don't have something stuck between your teeth?"
It's not that the Liberal government isn't corrupt. Clearly, it is corrupt. As corrupt as the day is long. As corrupt as a hard drive that's been exposed to the Internet without protective anti-virus software. As corrupt as any third world government (at first world prices).
Sure, the Liberal Party is corrupt. But its main rival, the Conservative Party of Canada (Manningist-Loonyist) is evil.
The Liberals, while beholden to big money interests, still occasionally hear small voices in the back of their heads telling them that there is a greater good for all citizens. Sometimes they act on the voice, sometimes they drown it out with a few drinks paid for by a corporate lobbyist in the bar of a sleazy hotel, but at least the voice is there. The CPC (ML) has been to an expensive psychiatrist who has convinced it to destroy the voice with electroshock therapy and several weeks vacation on the Riviera.
Take continental integration. The Liberal Party is like the shy girl at the ball who is really in love with the tall, handsome stranger. She spurns his initial advances, not because she doesn't yearn in her heart to integrate her corporate and security regulations with him, but because she's afraid of what her friends will think if she lets herself go too willingly. So, she frustratingly sends mixed messages to him on missile defense.
The Conservatives, by way of contrast, could be considered the sluts of the Canadian political scene, if that wasn't too insulting to sluts. They salivate at the prospect of getting into bed with the tall, handsome stranger. They practically throw themselves at him. They obviously didn't listen to their mother when she advised: "Dear, if you're too eager to give away your resources to a tall, handsome stranger, he will take them, but he won't respect your borders in the morning."
Okay, so, maybe the difference isn't all that great. But, it does exist.
Take the environment. The Liberals are like Don Knotts in The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight. It's not that they love the environment so much that they want to protect it from the corporations that want to develop it out of existence; it's more that they go all goofy when the subject comes up and you can never be sure if their actions are going to help or hurt the cause.
The Conservatives, on the other hand, are the Mike Myers of the environment, and I'm not talking about the cuddly comedian star of the Austin Powers movies. No, I'm talking about the unstoppable killing machine of the Halloween movies. Like Myers, the Conservatives see themselves as an all-powerful being that mercilessly mows down all environmental obstacles to corporate profit.
So, the choice is between goofs who sometimes get things right or mass murderers who leave death and destruction in their wake. Hmm...think I'll need a little time to work this one out...
Or, consider Quebec, where Paul Martin's current woes seem to have started. The Liberal Party is like the ineffectual father in those sad Disney movies from the 1950s: "Now, now. This whole sovereignty thing is just a phase you're going through. Tell you what: I'm going to raise your allowance by a couple billion dollars if you'll just behave. Okay? And, the whole language law thing? We'll just pretend that never happened. Kids will be kids, right?"
The Conservatives, on the other hand, believe in tough love: "You stop this acting out on independence right now, young province, or I'll send you to your room without your equalization payment! What do you mean, you'll take your room and move to another house? I'd like to see you try!"
The Liberals are about muddling through and sometimes doing the right thing. The Conservatives are about boldly taking the country in the wrong direction. (And, when did the term "leadership" become so empty that getting a country somewhere, anywhere is more important than where you actually take it?) You can be outraged by the evidence of corruption revealed by the Gomery Commission if you like. Personally, I find the Liberals' approach to governing very Canadian.