Reply-To : "Dr. Werner"
Sent : November 16, 2004 7:01:08 AM
To : ira@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Subject : jacm dowel
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My Dear Dr. Werner,
It is rare for us here at Les Pages aux Folles to get email from space aliens, so I cannot tell you how delighted we were to hear from you. Or, in your own language: cravat moose marginalize atomic pension fund samantha wingding accretive.
We are, of course, always looking to expand our readership. In fact, you may have noticed that we recently conditional abrogate luncheonmeat haligonian aerosol on the Web site. It is, I know, a small step, but we believe that it could be the beginning of a solid interplanetary satirical relationship.
Thank you for taking time out from pillaging planets in Alpha Centauri to write. Should you have any suggestions that would make Les Pages aux Folles more alien friendly, please don't hesitate to pass them along.
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Sincerely,Ned Feeblish
ned.feeblish@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Vice President, Alien Relations
Les Pages aux Folles
a wholly owned subsidiary of MultiNatCorp
"We do (intergalactic) stuff"
PS: I have taken the liberty of forwarding your email to CETI. I hope you don't mind.
Sent : November 16, 2004 12:09:35 AM
To : ira@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Subject : Interested in exchanging links
Hello,
I am the volunteer administrator for the Acne Resource Center, an informational resource about Acne; how it develops, the science behind it, and how to cope. In our efforts to promote awareness about acne, we have been looking for websites to exchange links with. I have taken a look at your site, and it seems as if it would be a resource that people might also be interested in viewing.
If you will link to "The Acne Resource Center", located at http://www.acne-resource.org/ (our website) and send me an email listing where the link can be found on your site, I will add your reciprocal link to our site within 24 hours. Please just let me know what you'd like us to link to (if you would like to include a short byline for your site, please include that with your email and I'll be happy to include that as well). You will get free traffic to your site and we would get a database of quality sites to offer our viewers.
If you desire, but certainly a simple link alone will do, a sample byline for our site would be:
Acne can cause stress, depression, and anxiety. It can cause a greatly lowered sense of self esteem and feelings of self doubt. Fortunately, there is help available. It's called knowledge. Visit the Acne Resource Center for easy to browse information on acne, tips to keep acne under control and explanations of just how acne develops.
If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to ask.
Kind regards,Travis Whitley
twhitley@acne-resource.org
P.S. If I sent this message to the wrong person in error, please let me know (I won't follow up with you) and forward to whomever this may concern. Thank you very much!
Mister Whitley,
While I was intrigued by your offer of reciprocal links to your Web site, I'm afraid I cannot see how it would benefit either of our organizations. Research has repeatedly shown that the median age of the Les Pages aux Folles reader is 87 (give or take a decade or two). The average reader of our Web site is likely to be more concerned with whether or not his dentures will stay in long enough to chew his way through the pablum the home has given him for breakfast. Our median reader is, in fact, most likely to be wandering down a highway median even as we speak. (I must alert a nurse to this fact as soon as I can!)
In short, not only are our readers not likely to be concerned with acne at this stage in their lives, but they are likely to scare away people who are. While I am personally amused by this prospect, I assume that it isn't really the outcome that you had been hoping for.
However, in the spirit of mutual impotence, I offer the following sample byline of Les Pages aux Folles should you choose to link to it on your Web site:
Satirical sclerosis can result in pomposity, loss of public stature and ugly political scenes. It can be a symptom of rampant egotism and/or an unhealthily exaggerated sense of self worth. Fortunately, there is a cure. It is called fun. Visit Les Pages aux Folles to get the latest information on satirical sclerosis, to see how it affects people like yourself in their daily lives and, most importantly, to get over it.
Sincerely,Ned Feeblish
ned.feeblish@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Vice President, Public Relations and Political Assignations
Les Pages aux Folles
a wholly owned subsidiary of MultiNatCorp
"We do stuff"
Sent : November 26, 2004 9:25:30 PM
To : ira@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Subject : Resume reply!
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You received this message because you requested information from our website, one of our partner websites, or through an offline publication in the past 12 months. To be removed, please email remove@CareerXpress.org and include your email address ira@lespagesauxfolles.ca in the Subject.
To Whom It May Concern:
Your message was passed on to me by Ira Nayman, the creator of Les Pages aux Folles, who told me to relay to you his undying devotion to MultiNatCorp, and to ask you to please, please, please take him off whatever hellacious mailing list he is on that would lead him to receive email such as yours.
So, please, please, please take him off whatever hellacious mailing list he is on that would lead him to receive email such as yours.
Sincerely,Ned Feeblish
ned.feeblish@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Vice President, Public Relations and Abrupt Resignations
Les Pages aux Folles
a wholly owned subsidiary of MultiNatCorp
"We do stuff (just don't tell the boss)"
PS: Not that I'm in any way unhappy with my current position, you understand. I have been employed in the public relations department of an obscure part of a huge transnational conglomerate for the better part of 35 years now...if, by the better part, you mean hellacious, anxiety-ridden time period.
Not that I'm looking for a new position. I mean, I've been here so long I probably wouldn't even know what to do in a new position. I mean, I would probably have to be retrained - do people even use abacuses any more? There's so much I need to know...
So, never mind. Never mind.
PPS: I was intrigued, though, by your offer of a reference check. I mean, I know that my employer would likely praise my hard work and loyalty to the company. Still, one wonders, if you know what I mean. I mean, after one has been a vice president for 23 years, one has to wonder if somebody at the top has it in for you. Still, there's nothing to be done.
So, never mind. Never mind.
PPPS: Do you think -
No, never mind. Never mind.
NF
