"Larry?"
"Sigh...Bud?
"What would you say if I told you that I'm working on the most exciting television property since Alex Haley laid down Roots?"
"I would say that the world doesn't need a Who's the Boss? reunion movie."
"Aah...but, Tony Danza's a lock."
"You say that like it's a good thing."
"Of course it's a good thing! Can you imagine trying to do a Who's the Boss? reunion movie without Tony Danza?"
"You...wha...uhh - stop with the circular logic! You're making me dizzy!"
"You want to take a little lie down? This is a hot property - practically on fire! - and I'm gonna let you in on the ground floor, but it can wait until you're feeling better."
"Bud, why would I want to be on the ground floor of a property on fire?"
"Uhh...yes, maybe a little lie down is just what you need..."
"Bud...not that I've ever hesitated in telling you how to run your business, but have you ever considered doing something original?"
"Original? What's that?"
"It's...original. You know - something that hasn't been done before?"
"Hasn't been done before?"
"Right."
"A Who's the Boss? reunion movie hasn't been done before."
"No, no, no, not a reunion movie."
"So, original means not a reunion movie?"
"Right."
"So, like, a remake."
"No, not a remake, either."
"A sequel?"
"No, Bud."
"So, not a reunion, remake or sequel?"
"That's right."
"What's left?"
"Original. Never been done before. In any form."
"Original. Hunh - what a strange concept."
"So, what about it? Why don't you consider doing something original?"
"I don't know. I mean, I am intrigued by this 'original' concept of yours, but where would the idea for the series come from?"
"Close observation of real life."
"What?"
"Take your story idea from real life. When Hemingway wrote 'The Old Man and the Sea,' he -"
"Let me stop you right there, Larry. You know 'The Old Man and the Sea' was just a remake of Moby Dick, right?"
"No, it wasn't."
"Sure was."
"Where did you get that idea?"
"A paper...at a conference..."
"What paper?"
"'"The Old Man and the Sea" was a remake of Moby Dick.' It, uhh, got a positive peer review in the Journal of Advanced Pedantics."
"Alright, alright. When Shakespeare wrote Julius Caesar -"
"Which was based on a paperback novel about the old Roman leader."
"They didn't even have paperback novels in Shakespeare's time!"
"Larry, calm down. You want you should have an aneurysm?"
"Okay. Look. An original idea is based on the way real people really live. Is that so hard to understand?"
"I guess not. But, Larry, it seems to me that there is a flaw in your 'original idea' concept."
"A flaw?"
"That's right."
"Do I want to -"
"To develop an 'original idea' about the way real people live, I would actually have to spend time with real people."
"You don't know anybody real?"
"Do you?"
"..."
"You see the problem."
"Well...that's the writers' problem. They must know some real people."
"Fair enough. I'll get my secretary to ask some of them - he seems to have a tolerance for writers. Still...I see problems."
"What problems?"
"Well, does anybody want to see a movie about real people?"
"I do."
"Sure, sure. And, if you buy 10 million tickets that'll solve the problem."
"What am I going to do with 10 million tickets to a movie?"
"You got friends?"
"Sure, but we'd still have to see the movie a million times each. That's my idea of hell."
"You're the one on this originality kick."
"Any movie would be deadly if you had to watch it a million times!"
"That's my point. Now, a Who's the Boss? reunion movie has a built in audience of fans of the television series."
"So, each of us would only have to see it half a million times."
"Still above the hell threshold?"
"I'm afraid so."
"Still, I'm sure you would agree that it's a start."
"Sigh. Bud - sigh - you know, actors like to play real people."
"Actors like to play real people?"
"That's right."
"Larry, Larry, Larry, Larry - actors like to play real people who do heroic things despite their ordinariness. That's not real life, that's fantasy dressed like trailer trash."
"Bud, why are you so resistant to the idea of making an original movie?"
"Larry, if I wanted real life, I would have gone to work in an insurance company."