We've all heard those pithy New Agey sayings that seem to sum up thousands of years of wisdom in a few well chosen words. If a tree falls in the forest - yadda yadda yadda. Who gets these things? You have to have about a thousand years of spiritual training to understand these aphorisms, and that's not easy to do if your belief system doesn't include reincarnation.
What we need are aphorisms that speak more directly to our experience, aphorisms that are easy to understand, accessible aphorisms. These nuggets of wisdom have to contain all of the aggression, uncertainty and unpleasantness of modern life, yet in a simplistic way that anybody can relate to. Below are some suggestions for such aphorisms for the rest of us.
You can learn a lot from a four year old child. And, they're relatively inexpensive to rent.
Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Given your life so far, I'm still trying to figure out why this is a good thing.
The road is long and strewn with many obstacles, so be sure to wear safety boots.
Happiness is always inside you. Reconsider your position on adult diapers in case it tries to get out.
For every door that closes, another door opens. Invest in a good security system.
I came to a fork in the road and took the path less traveled, and that's where I got the head lice.
A Christian monk and a Buddhist monk approach a shallow river. On the side of the river is a princess who would like to cross, but doesn't want to get her ceremonial gown wet. The Buddhist monk takes the princess on his shoulders and the three of them walk across the river. On the other side, the princess thanks the monk for his help and she and the monks go their separate ways. The Christian monk then turns to the Buddhist monk and says: "You know we took a vow of celibacy and aren't allowed to touch women. How could you do that?" The Buddhist monk replied: "I left the princess behind at the river bank. You still carry her with you." The Christian monk decked the Buddhist monk with a surprisingly effective right hook. "Why did you do that?" the Buddhist monk asked. "I left you in the dirt on the road beyond the river bank," the Christian monk replied, "and you're still there."
What is the sound of one eraser clapping?
A smile is just a frown turned upside down - make sure your teeth are properly anchored so they don't fall out.
Every breath you take is a gift - until Monsanto figures out how to patent it.
You don't know if you don't try...but knowing won't necessarily make you happy, so you're still on your own.
Some people see the glass as half empty. Some people see the glass as half full. Some people need glasses.
I was the Buddha dreaming I was eating butterfly shrimp. Or...was I a butterfly dreaming I was eating a shrimpy Buddha? Or...was I a shrimp dreaming I was eating a Buddha sitting in a butterfly position?
The early bird catches the worm, but he still gets his wife to gut and fillet it.
Life is a journey. Take Maalox.
You are a child of the universe. Try getting the universe to give you the keys to the car when you've got a hot date.
Dance as if nobody is watching - the way you dance, it will be true soon enough.
Do everything you can to get in touch with your inner child. It acts up in public, and you really must teach it better manners.
The man next to you is you brother, but you still can't borrow 20 bucks from him.
Life is not a dress rehearsal...the show got poor reviews and closed two weeks ago, but nobody had the heart to tell you.
We all share a common humanity - why is it that the last person who took it out for a spin never seems to clean out the ashtrays?
A lion was chasing a Buddhist monk through the forest. The monk comes to a cliff at the end of the forest. He finds a vine and starts to climb down it. At the bottom of the cliff, another lion waits for him. The monk is stuck on the vine between the two lions. In a slight ledge above him, a mouse peeks out its head and starts to gnaw on the vine. The monk looks about for some means of escape and finds a strawberry growing on a ledge next to him. He plucks the strawberry and pops it in his mouth. "Sweet," the monk states, "but it could use some sour cream..."
Wisdom does not come easily - would it kill you to buy a vibrator?