The lights flash. The siren blares. You have no choice but to pull over, roll down your window and wait for the police officer to shamble up to the door of your car.
"Did I do anything wrong, officer?" you ask the policeman.
"No sir," the policeman replies. "This is just a random check as part of the provincial P.R.I.D.E. programme."
"P.R.I.D.E. programme?"
"That's right, sir."
"What is that?"
"Political Resentment Investigation and Direct Elimination. Now, if you wou -"
"I've never heard of that. Is it official policy?"
"It's been ratified by the Toronto Police Association. Would you please -"
"But, is it government policy?"
The police officer gives an exasperated sigh. "When the government pulls you over, whether or not it is government policy will be relevant. Right now, you are dealing with me, and I'm asking you to get out of your vehicle. Sir."
You consider this for a moment, but there was never any doubt. Being a good Canadian, you obey the man in uniform and get out of your car.
With the briefest of self-satisfied smiles, the police officer asks, "Sir, will you please tell me who you voted for in the mayoral election?"
"Do I have to do that?"
"Things will go a lot easier on you if you cooperate, sir."
You gulp. Never any doubt. Canadian. "Barbara Hall," you quietly answer.
"Were you aware that the Toronto Police Association endorsed John Tory for the position of Mayor of Toronto?"
"Noooo."
"I'm sorry, sir, but ignorance of the Toronto Police Association's endorsements is no defence."
"Defence against what?"
"If you don't mind, I'll ask the questions, here."
You look down at the ground and shuffle your feet. Funny how even innocent people can look guilty when confronted by authority. After a moment, the police officer continues. "What ward do you live in, sir?"
"Toronto-Danforth."
"I see. And, who did you vote for in the City Council race?"
"Uhh...who did the Police union -"
"Police Association," the officer cuts you off, annoyance creeping ever so slightly into his voice. "We are, by law, not allowed to unionize. We are just an association."
"Uhh, yeah. Okay. The Police...Association. Who did you endorse?"
"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not allowed to coach the people I pull over."
"No. Of course not."
"So, sir, if you will please answer the question - who did you vote for?"
"Uhh...Casey, err, Oates."
"Do you mean Casey Ootes, sir?"
You let out a little laugh. A nervous little laugh. "Isn't it pronounced Oates?"
"No, sir. It is Ootes."
"Oh. Well. Him."
"Are you telling me the truth, sir?"
"Uhh, of course. Of course. Why would I lie about such a thing?"
"I do not know, sir. I cannot help but notice, however, that you seem more than a little nervous. Perhaps you would care to change your answer?"
"Do you...do you think I should?"
"I have already told you, sir, that I am not allowed to coach you. You say you voted for Casey Ootes - is that correct?"
"Yes," you defiantly state. "Yes, I did."
The officer nods and asks to see your driver's licence. When you give it to him, he writes your name down in his notepad, then hands it back to you. "I'm going to let you off with a caution this time -"
"So, Casey Ootes was the candidate the Police Association endorsed?"
"Fortunately for you, sir, he was. Now, as I say, I'm going to let you off with a caution this time, but, in future, I would suggest that you pay more attention to the Police Association's candidate endorsements."
"W...what could happen to me if I don't?"
"Your name will soon be in our system, sir," the police officer says with undisguised pleasure. "It will be flagged as potentially uncooperative with the P.R.I.D.E. programme. If, in future, you should need assistance from one of our officers for any reason, you may find us...slow to respond to your call."
"That's outrageous!"
"It's all part of our mandate to serve and protect."
"Whose interests, exactly, are you serving with this P.R.I.D.E. programme?"
The officer's eyes narrow. "Excuse me, sir," he states evenly, "but - if you don't mind a personal observation - I think you should have more faith in the system. After all, we do live in a democracy..."