One night, Pooh was dreaming a wonderful honey pot dream. Night was the perfect time to dream wonderful honey pot dreams, Pooh had decided, because that was when one was most likely to be asleep.
Pooh was, as always in the wonderful honey pot dream, counting his honey pots. This was taking a long time since, as always, they had been arranged in a circle. "120...121...122..." Pooh counted. When he reached 137, the pots started to spin - whether in reality or just in his head, Pooh could never be certain - and, before long, they had become one really big pot of honey!
Just as Pooh was about to stick his head in the really, really big pot of honey, from somewhere came KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. That didn't usually happen in his wonderful honey pot dream! Pooh concluded he must have dreamt it. Pooh tentatively approached the really, really, really big honey pot when he heard KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK again. Not knowing what else to do, Pooh woke up.
It was early morning. At the door of Pooh's house stood a tall man in a very pretty suit. "May I come in?" the man said. He had to repeat himself loudly as Pooh had been mesmerized by his gold cufflinks. "Oh, of course," Pooh said once the spell of the cufflinks had been broken.
The man, who had to nearly double over to fit into Pooh's house without bumping his head on the roof, said, "I'm Charles Gordanis of Durston Blurston Gates McFadden." Then, he did the most strangest thing: he handed Pooh a small piece of paper with a lot of squiggles on it. "Oh," Pooh said. Then, "Ah." He looked at the piece of paper very closely. He looked at the side with writing on it. He looked at the side without writing on it. Knowing that the man was waiting for a response, Pooh finally gathered himself up and said, "It's, umm, square."
The man snatched the paper away from Pooh. "I'm a lawyer," he said.
Pooh wasn't sure he had heard the man correctly. "A liar?" he asked.
"Lawyer," the man, unamused, emphasized. "Officer of the court. Attorney at law. Law. Lawyer."
"Oh," Pooh responded. And, "Umm." This must be a special kind of liar," he thought, but wisely said nothing. Except "Oh." And, "U -"
"Let me get straight to the point," the liar/lawyer interrupted the whimsical aside. "This is an unauthorized use of characters whose merchandising rights have been secured by the Walt Disney Corporation. If you do not immediately cease and desist employing these characters, we shall be forced to take legal action against you. And, we enjoy taking legal action. Vigourous and extensive legal action."
"Oh," Pooh responded. And, "Umm." He hadn't understood a word the man said after "point." Not knowing what else to do, he started to sing:
"I'm in awe"And, no poetry!" the man cut him off. So as not to offend the man, Pooh sang the final line in his head: "Tum te diddly, tum te roo."
They looked at each other, Pooh and the doubled over man, for a long time. They might be looking at each other still, had not another KNOCK KNOCK come to the door.
"Don't answer that," the liar/lawyer advised Pooh. "Introducing more copyrighted characters at this point will only get you deeper into trouble."
"Nobody's home," a small voice on the other side of the door said. "That's all you can expect, I suppose, when you drop by a friend's house unannounced. Serves me right. I should -"
"Eeyore!" Pooh shouted. The doubled over man rolled his eyes. Eeyore walked into Pooh's house. "Oh!" he said, seeing the man. "You have company. If I had known, I would have never -"
"This is so in breach of Disney's copyright!" the liar/lawyer moaned.
Eeyore stopped starting to back out of Pooh's house and looked at the man. "Well, I didn't go to law school," Eeyore said, "so my opinion isn't worth anything, if you ask me. But, hasn't the copyright run out on characters created by A. A. Milne?"
This got the man's attention. "Not since the Sonny Bono copyright extension," he stated.
"Well, that's what I get for talking out of turn, I guess," Eeyore allowed. "There's always a copyright extension law when a transnational corporation needs one. Still...I can't help - in my plodding and tiresome way - but wonder how adversely this will affect the creation of new work. After all, art is often built on what came before. Copyright law that is too strict can actually stifle expression. That's one point of view, anyway. Maybe not the right one - who knows?"
"We created the Pooh phenomenon," the man said, simply. "We should have the power to exploit it for our maximum economic benefit."
"You are undoubtedly right," Eeyore gloomily responded. "Still, Disney used Victor Hugo's Hunchback of Notre Dame, old fairy tales for Snow White and native mythology for Pocahontas - all without paying royalties, since those stories were no longer protected by copyright. It's probably unfair of me to point this out - and I do apologize for saying it - but, aren't you being hypocritical?"
"That's irrelevant," the liar/lawyer argued. "You know, every line added to this story just makes matters worse for you. You really ought to stop doing anything at once."
"But, this is satire!" Eeyore protested. "This is fair comment. Or...or so I've been told."
The man laughed. "Are you willing to take your chances in a lawsuit that is likely to be long and costly?"
Pooh didn't understand much of what Eeyore and the man were talking about. He gathered the man wanted him to do Nothing. This was one of Pooh's favourite things to do in all the world, so he was drawn to it. On the other hand, he wasn't sure he could do Nothing on command. It just wasn't the same.
Still, Pooh was a Bear of Very Little Means. So, he decided to
