1) Is Les Pages aux Folles available in print?
Yes! The Lithuanian publisher Nordlinger Gdansk has produced a volume featuring the best of the columns from the 1980s. Unfortunately, the publisher went bankrupt in 1994 when it was discovered that Max Frisch, the proprietor and son of Antonio Frisch, was embezzling funds to feed a horrendous kilbassa habit. Copies of the now out of print book are said to be available in used bookstores in Smolensk and other Russian cities. Even if you can find one, though, be warned: the text has been translated into an obscure dialect of ancient Sumerian. The woodcuts of beheadings and other acts of violence are nice, though.
2) Can I take anything in this document seriously?
Well, I'm pretty sure there is a thing called Les Pages aux Folles...
3) Will Les Pages aux Folles make my whites whiter and my brights brighter?
No. But, it will make your breath minty fresh.
You know, I don't get asked this question very often, so I'm glad you've brought it up, giving me the opportunity to clear the air on this point.
5) What do I do if I find an error in a column?
Les Pages aux Folles has instituted a complex system of dealing with reader complaints. Judges from South Korea, Togo and France are brought together to investigate the validity of the complaint. (A word of caution: be wary of the judge from France.) If they find that the complaint has merit, a correction and apology are published in the Star Ledger and Fishwrap in Topeka, Kansas.
6) Don't you ever read people's answers to What the Heck Do You Know?
I read one once, and was blind for three days. It's a biblical thing - I'm sure you understand.
7) Does anybody read people's answers to What the Heck Do You Know?
Absolutely. Representatives of my Internet Service Provider, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and hacker organization The Cult of the Dead Horse regularly read submitted What the Heck Do You Know responses. Another word of caution: if you have any reason to distrust any of these groups, I would think twice before submitting a completed survey.
8) Hey! Did you answer question 4?
I stand by what I wrote.
I refuse to be lured into old jokes from the 1960s.
10) Why is there no Java on your site?
I don't drink coffee.
11) Don't you want to be cutting edge?
I'm a bleeder.
12) Couldn't you at least have more graphics?
This site is intended to provide brain candy. If you want eye candy, there are lots of places on the Internet that will happily oblige you. Choose your organ.
13) Aren't you willing to make any concessions to your readers?
Sure. I write in English, almost always in complete senten
This is a serious question, one that has divided Les Pages aux Folleophiles for the better part of a decade. I do not understand the reason, frankly: surely, this an issue on which reasonable people can agree to disagree. In any case, I am happy to be able to lay this controversy to rest once and for all: there is no evidence in the canon to suggest that Mr. Frump is either left- or right-handed.
15) Whatever happened to Professor Blunderson?
Tenured professors don't disappear, they just flail away.
16) What is that supposed to mean?
If you had ever been a graduate student, you would understand.
17) How do you sleep at night?
On my side.
Release yourself from the prison of desire.
