Some statistics boggle the mind: the United States Census Bureau reported last week that over 31 million Americans live below the poverty line. Admittedly, my mind is easily boggled; still, more sober, serious-minded people than I are likely to be boggled by the fact that there are more people living in poverty in the US than there are citizens of Canada.
One of the most ominous aspects of the Census Bureau's report is that the fastest growing group of poor people are children under 18. Admittedly, my mind is easily ominoused; still, this would appear to contradict stereotypes of the poor propagated by conservative media commentators like Patrick Buchanan.
One can imagine such a conservative pundit (but, not actually Buchanan, who has put such frippery aside while running for the Republican Presidential nomination) on television, interview the latest entry into the ranks of the poor: Malcolm Washington.
"Let's cut to the chase," the commentator (who, although he's not Patrick Buchanan, still bears an uncanny resemblance to 1950s US Senator Joseph McCarthy) bluntly says, leaning forward and pointing his pencil in a no-nonsense, accusatory fashion. "Mister Washington, are you currently looking for a job?"
Malcolm, lying on his back in his bassinet, playfully kicks his legs and flails his arms in the air, giggling.
"The Welfare problem in this country is no laughing matter, Mister Washington," the commentator presses his point. "Are you currently looking for a job?"
"Achok?"
"A job, Mister -" the pundit stops in mid-accusation as a teddy bear flies out of the bassinet, barely missing his left ear. This only hardens the host's resolve. "Alright, Mister Washington, are you looking for a job? Do you even care if you get off of Welfare? Yes or no?"
"Arno... Arno! Arno! Arno! Arno!" Malcolm, who has found a sound he really likes, repeats with glee.
"Alright," the commentator (who, for those of you who have just joined us, is not Patrick Buchanan) coolly responds. He smugly adjusts his tie. "Then, let me ask you this: if you're not doing anything to support yourself, why should the state support you?"
Malcolm, momentarily winded by his flurry of activity, drools down the side of his pillow.
The pundit, ever fearful of dead air, jumps in: "Mister Washington? Wouldn't you say that being on Welfare gives you no incentive to look for a job?"
"Achok?" Malcolm says, but his attention is diverted by a colourful elephants and donkeys mobile hanging over his bassinet.
"Okay, we can come back to that," the commentator, trying to move things along, states. "Mister Washington, are you a member of a gang?" Malcolm doesn't respond. "Mister Washington, are you a member of a - Mister Washington? Mister Washington?" The pundit, not willing to fight for his guest's attention, snatches the mobile away from the bassinet and throws it out of camera range.
"Now," the commentator, firmly in control, asks, "Mister Washington, are you a member of a gang?"
"Agan?" Malcolm unhappily responds.
"You know," the pundit (remember: not Patrick Buchanan) prompts him, "a youth gang, like the Blood or the Crips..."
"Thurkips?" Malcolm, on the verge of tears, says.
"You admit to being a member of the Crips?" the commentator gasps, unable to believe his good fortune. "Mister Washington, will you admit that the billions of Welfare dollars we're pouring into America's inner cities is doing nothing to stop crime?"
Malcolm starts to sob. "Mister Washington, don't try to evade the issue with a show of cheap emotions. Will you admit -" Malcolm starts to bawl uncontrollably. :Mister Washington, I - I'd appreciate a straight - if you'll just give me - Mister Washington - Mister Washington!"
For mercy's sake, will somebody please get his mother to come and take him off the set?
He's scaring the nation's children!
