"Och, Angus, havenna seen you in a while."
"I been visitin' relations in Lake Erie, Ken."
"How's the family?"
"Och, I dinna ken the younger generation. Males protectin' the eggs, females nae givin' a hoot. It's like they canna tell which sex is which any more. I tell ya, Ken, I'm glad ta be home, where a cod knows where he stands!"
"And, you know what causes it all, don't ya?"
"The women's liberation?"
"Pollution."
"Mmm...you're lookin' a wee bit poorly."
"Och, aye. I dinna mind the toxins, but the PCBs are a killer. If yer plannin' a trip up the Great Lakes way, a piece of advice."
"Aye?"
"Dinna drink the water."
"Och, aye..."
"How've things been while I was away?"
"We lost another school t'other day."
"Government cutbacks?"
"Portugese trawlers. One minute, the wee laddies and lassies were swimmin' along, mindin' nobody's business but their own; the next, they were on their way to a distant land to become fish fillets!"
"Bastards! They shouldn'a oughta take the young."
"Drift nets dinna discriminate, Angus."
"We should found a way ta keep 'em within the 200 mile Canadian limit, Ken."
"It wouldn'a done any good."
"Aye?"
"Scientists ha' been tellin' the Canadian government fish stocks were bein' depleted for years. The government dinna listen - absolutely refused ta lower Canadian quotas so we could...uhh, well, you know - get the numbers up..."
"Harrumph. Aye, och, aye - but, why would the government ignore th'advice of its very own experts?"
"Pressure from East Coast fishermen."
"Bastards!"
"Aye. Blame enough for all, I say. Blame enough for all. Anyway, what d'y'think ye'll be up to now?"
"I was thinkin' of visitin' some folks out by Rutherford Strait..."
"Och, ye dinna wanna be doin' that."
"Aye? Why not?"
"Accordin' to the seal grapevine, a Spanish trawler is parked just outside the 200 mile limit, scoopin' up everythin' wit' fins."
"Bastards! Still, I'm grateful ta the seal grapevine. I dinna ken why the humans think we're mortal enemies."
"Well, they do eat us, Angus."
"Och, aye. T'is the natural order of t'ings. But, you and I bot' know that northern cod only make up one per cent of a seal's diet - the threat was greatly exaggerated. Greatly exaggerated. There was once a bonnie great balance - t'was human fishermen that upset it."
"Aye, well...it seems ta me that the seals are bein' used as scapegoats for human overfishin'. It's also a good excuse ta increase the seal hunt, even though environmentalists fought like the dickens t'end it. Those humans - they're great crafty beggars when they put their minds to destroyin' summit."
"Bastards!"
"Och, well, ye canna be too harsh on 'em. They canna go against their nature..."
"Aye, but 'tis our future they be tamperin' wit'. I wish they'd realize that and stop plyin' cod."
