Ask Dr. Political Science: Wouldn't You?

Look at it this way: suppose every 10 or 20 years somebody you don't know walks up to you and hits you in the head with a balpeen hammer. The person says, "I hate to do this to you, but I will not be fulfilling my duty to my shareholders if I don't." Then, throwing over his shoulder the comment that you could have avoided being hit in the head if you had just worked more productively, he drives off in search of the nearest sushi bar.

If this happened to you enough times, wouldn't you hate businessmen?

Now, imagine yourself on the pavement, writhing in pain. Another person you don't know walks past, stopping only when you moan quite loudly. The person says, "I know this may seem painful now, but this is a necessary technical adjustment, and you'll be better off in the long run." Then, muttering to himself about supply and demand curves, he drives off in search of the nearest Rachmaninoff recital.

If this happened, wouldn't you hate economists?

Finally, picture yourself curled up in a fetal position on the street when a third person you don't know walks up to you and spends 20 minutes looking you over very carefully. "This is terrible!" the person exclaims. "I must devote several million dollars to study this balpeen hammer problem - possibly set up a Royal Commission!"

If you ask for $10 to get a taxi to take you to the hospital, however, the person replies, "I sympathize, my friend. Truly, I do. But, the cost of the studies and the Royal Commission will drive up the deficit, and I really won't be able to afford to lend you any money. Still, best of luck." Then, the person shakes your hand, takes seven per cent of the contents of your wallet, asks you to vote for him in the next election and heads off in search of a divisive social issue.

You have to even ask about politicians?

There are, of course, problems with this proposal. Because the number of Senators would be the same for each of the provinces, the vote of one Newfoundlander would equal that of approximately 23.74 Ontarians. Clearly, a flexible definition of the "one person, one vote" ideal would be required.

Of course, one Newfoundlander is worth 23.74 Ontarians, but we mustn't confuse reality with politics.

This would make Canada's government more resemble the American bicameral (literally, camel with two humps) legislature. This would improve Canada's governing process by exacerbating the tendency to put regional interests over the national good, increasing political backbiting and buckpassing, creating virtual decision-making paralysis on issues vital to the national welfare...

Err...perhaps we don't want to push that comparison too far.

Does something on the political scene puzzle you? Are you confused by a politican's behaviour? If you have any questions, write to Dr. Political Science, care of this publication. But, remember: he's not a medical doctor, so don't ask about your cousin's embarrassing premature hair loss.