It's a Dog Eat Doggerel World
The Holiday Spirit
I don't know the reason but during the festive season
I get a real frisson from images of Nissan
And all sorts of tingles when thinking of Pringles
I feel my heart swell hearing news of Mattel
And I know all is well when there's talk of Duracell
The world's awfully nice because there's Minute Rice
And you've got a good bet in Gillette
The conversation gets toney when considering Sony
But the absolute best is American Express
You can't feel shoddy when contemplating an Audi
And you can never underestimate the importance of a Tim Horton's
All around there's congrats for mere mention of Labatt's
I'm always amazed by thoughts of Frito Lays
I guess that's why I say, "Have a happy holiday!"
Malls Girdle the Globe
They're building a giant mall
In the jungles of Nepal
And there's going to be a major plaza
In the disputed area of Gaza
A shopping center will be put to the test
In the lovely town of Bucharest
Be sure to look for the next Wal-Mart
In the picturesque town of Jakarta
Visit the new mega-mall
The next time you are in Bengal
Or perhaps somewhere in Senegal
Or even next to China's Great Wall
Malls girdle the globe
Hallmark of the Future (1)
Congratulations! on your impending birth
Requiring the most sophisticated technologies on earth
It doesn't matter if your Little Angel was planted
Outfitted with prosthetics or decanted
Conceived in growth cultures in a metal tray
Or, perhaps, in a more traditional way
The patter of little feet should dispell the gloom
Even if they were gestated in a plastic womb
And you know that you will love it tender
Whether boy or girl or some undetermined gender
In the end, what matters the recipe?
Whether an act of love or biotechnology
You're about to have a little life that nobody can despise
Even if it has your genetic councillor's smile and a lab technician's eyes
It's tiny neural interface may be beyond the wildest dreams of von Neuman
Rejoice! Rejoice! on the coming of your very own, very special post-human
With Apologies to the Nails
Rene was a tiny man
Quebecers made into a saint
Jacques thought he was just the same
Ethnics found out that he ain't
Pat B. wooed the hard right
With a platform that was ominous
Tailgunner Joe went after Commies
With attacks that were ad homineous
Paul gave us the same old budget
Even though he wore some new shoes
Sheila spoke one time too often
Proving she's no goody two-shoes
Bill could not make up his mind
When everyone said, "Do it my way!"
Al just kind of disappeared
Onto his own information highway
Maggie bulldozed her way through
To the right of the well-known Hun
John had to clean up the wreckage
But he could just please no one
Ronnie, though he slowly lost it
Was known as a great orator
George, a bloodless technocrat
Was told by voters, "See ya later."
Benjamin knows where he's been
And wants the desert issues settled
Yasser violently disagrees
And you wouldn't want to get him nettled!
Richard, who lived in disgrace
Became a statesman when he died
Dan, although he could not spell,
Was blonde and fair and very blue-eyed
Newt was almost given the boot
Until he made a fateful deal
Pat R. waited for a miracle
To declare his candidacy was real
Chretien said he'd kill the GST
Was shocked when people did believe him
Charest is just killing time
Waiting for another Tory to relieve him
Boris's health may well be failing
Though he claims he's getting haler
Vladimir has fans in the provinces
Despite his resemblence to a certain impaler
Malcolm was a populist
Whose policies favored the really wealthy
Ross was in -- then out -- then in
And still isn't sure politics is healthy
Moammar, always in charge
Fooled no one with his common touch
Janet, who liked a little force,
Never knew when enough was too much
Nelson spent decades in jail
To prove equality could win the day
Louis agrees with that fine ideal
(Unless you're Jewish or you're gay)
Lucien, a simple man,
Wants a country he can call his home
Preston wants an open Prairie
Where businessmen can freely roam
Kim, the Elder, out for loot
Ruled his land with an iron fist
Kim, the Younger, out for fun
Saw no vice he could resist
Bettino's land was so corrupt
Half his government ended up in jail
Benazir's overriding problem
Was that she wasn't born a male
Mike is just a normal guy
Who cuts services and plays golf
Bob, who sees his programs slashed
Writes his memoirs and must want to ralph
Franz, who tired of the feuding,
Quit his job, threw up his hands
The Dalai Lama talks to the press
As he waits for China to give back his lands
Fidel puffs on a cigar
And garners a lot of America's ire
Slobodan it chooses to ignore
Even though of slaughter he never tires
Strom is a Congressional sprite
Who is a hundred if he's a day
Brian fought to uphold a reputation
That wasn't worth much anyway
Rush has got a lot of fans
Although he tends to get his facts wrong
Hilary's in the spotlight's glare --
Bet she wishes to be left alone!
Eighty-eight lines about forty-four politicians
