January 17
Dear Diary,
Arrived in China today on a mission to increase trade between our two countries. Many people lined the street to greet Team Canada. At first, I thought they were angry, but our interpreter, Chon-Ho Fat, assured us that shouting in a loud voice and shaking your first was a sign of universal brotherhood in China. International diplomacy can be so complicated! Some of the people were carrying cardboard signs. Chon told me they read "Go, Expos, go!" and "Things go better with Coke!"
China certainly seems to be a country on the go.
At dinner, Harris tied Bouchard's shoelaces together; when the Quebec Premier tried to leave, he tripped and feel into one of the waitresses. We all laughed. Lucien spent the rest of the night in his room, complaining that it was just one more humiliation at the hands of English speaking Canada. Conrad Black said the whole thing was childish, but I bet I know what's going to be on the cover of the Gazette tomorrow!
Your Faithful Servant,January 18
Dear Diary,
Visited the Great Wall of China this afternoon. What an amazing make work project! Of course, the unions might not agree to the kind of wages the Chinese peasants who built the original were paid. Chon, sensing that I was impressed, said that this was one wall that wasn't coming down soon, but he knew where I could get a copy of the blueprints -- cheap. We all started laughing, except Bouchard, who was looking at the Wall with an unpleasant gleam in his eye...
Your Faithful Servant,January 19
Big trouble today. Signing a joint communique promising mutual economic cooperation, Bouchard handed Harris a gag pen he had substituted for the one we were using. When the Ontario Premier tried to sign, black ink dribbled down his jacket sleeve. He was so angry, he stormed off to his room and refused to come out until I promised not to cut transfer payments to the provinces next year. The things I do to keep peace!
Hmm...you don't think they planned this, do you?
Later in the evening, I thought I heard gunfire. As it turns out, it was only the backfiring of a car -- several dozen times. Most Chinese get around by bike, but those who are fortunate enough to drive are unfortunate enough to drive second-hand Yugos bought from the Russians. I'm glad Chon was there to explain things to me -- otherwise, who know what I might have thought!
Hmm...I think there may be an opportunity here even Bob White wouldn't bitch about...
Your Faithful Servant,January 20
Dear Diary
The Premiers are getting restless. I've already had to confiscate three whoopie cushions and a dribble glass. Gary Filmon was stalking the halls with a cherry pie in one hand a seltzer bottle in the other. Glen Clark wore Groucho glasses to a strategy meeting and refused to take them off. With leadership like this, is it any wonder the Charlottetown Accord failed?
I almost made a serious faux pas at dinner tonight. I asked Chon if China planned on improving its treatment of dissidents. Talk about being able to hear a pin drop! Chon was very good about it, though. He asked if Canada planned on improving its treatment of its aboriginal peoples. Everybody laughed and the moment passed, but, boy, was I embarrassed!
Your Faithful Servant,January 21
Dear Diary,
Our final day in China. We were allowed into the medical pavilion to speak directly with the Chinese leaders -- Chairman Deng doesn't look a day over 174! Apparently, he's been in a foul mood ever since his doctors told him that they wouldn't let him smoke in his oxygen tent. I must remember to bring him some nicotine patches the next time I'm in the country!
We spent our last afternoon in China signing papers. I was going to make a joke about my arm being tired, but, after seeing Deng, my heart just wasn't in it. Of course, all the economic agreements had been worked out in months of negotiations before we got to China (I can't wait to see what's in them!). Still, Aline likes it when I act like a statesman.
Your Faithful Servant,
