Do you remember those old war movies where, if a soldier did something against orders, he would get potato peeling duty? What happened if no soldiers broke any rules? Would the company have to go without potatoes at that evening's mess? Would the Sergeant try to trick some unwitting soldier into a minor infraction?
"Hey, Pitt, why don't you go into town and see your girl for an hour?"
"Aww, Sarge, I just got three of my fingers blown off in an artillery accident the other day -- I don't wanna work in the kitchen!"
Or, how about anti-abortionists who are apparently planning to place huge pirctures of aborted fetuses near high schools. Don't they know the kind of slasher films teenagers regularly attend these days? Hasn't it occurred to any of them that the typical youthful response is likely to be, "Great poster -- when does the film come out?"
Of course, the pro-abortionist response has been the usual calculated outrage. If they were smart, next to the fetuses they would erect equally large posters of Bob Dole or Strom Thurmond with the caption, "No more unwanted children!" I think that would make a point, don't you?
When did the term "hacker" stop referring to somebody with a six pack a day nicotine habit?
Why are people so surprised by the cloning of a sheep in Scotland? Haven't comedians been cloning jokes about cloning for years?
Could somebody please explain the concept of Corporate Kindness day to me? Are corporations which are closing plants in North America to take advantage of much lower wages in Latin America or Asia supposed to announce the layoffs with specially designed Hallmark greeting cards? Will companies dumping toxic waste into our drinking water be expected on this one day to make their pollution minty fresh? Can the sting of being replaced by a computer really be taken away by a plate of homemade cookies?
How much can a phone call to Moldavia ultimately cost? I mean, really?
Does anybody really care about the size of Howard Stern's Private Parts?
If the Democratic Party got really huge sums of money from backers during the last election campaign, and the Republican Party got even larger sums, who would you trust with campaign finance reform?
Why?
I was appalled to learn recently that during the botched bank robbery in Los Angeles, the robbers who tried to shoot their way out took some shots at reporters who were trying to cover the story in from news helicopters. Don't they know that a free press is the cornerstone of a democratic society? Forget that -- don't they want their fifteen minutes of televised fame? I suppose it's possible that we've accidentally stumbled on the last people in America who don't want to be on television -- and how long do you think it will be before network representatives come calling with contracts?
Does anybody have any idea what the company Dilbert works for actually produces?
Martha Stewart us being sued by a former gardener, who claims she cheated him out of overtime pay by misdefining his job. Can we expect Martha Stewart's Guide to Employee/Management Relations to grace this summer's bestseller lists? Will she add a segment on "Creative Accounting" to her syndicated talk show? Would anybody care if she wasn't so darned perkier-than-thou?
A computer bulletin board operator in California was successfully prosecuted for obscenity in a Tennessee court; apparently, he violated that State's community standards. Does this mean that Tennessee will from now on determine what Americans wear? Are we moving into a world where relationships between people will be determined by what is socially acceptable in Arkansas? And let's not forget that computer networks are now international. Will people's taste in comedy now be dictated by France? Will standards of religious tolerance be set by Iran? Will protections of freedom of speech approach the enlightened level of China?
Am I the only one concerned about this? Where's Joe Bob Briggs when you need him?
If nobody trust politicians or believes what they say, how come people are so outraged when they don't keep their election promises?
Curiosity -- it's a killer.
