"Come in! Come in! Please have a seat Mister...Jesus? Am I pronouncing that right?"
"That's right. Jesus of Nazareth. That's me."
"As the chair of the Messiah Search Committee of Jerusalem, I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your application. I think I speak for everybody on the committee when I say that yours was the most impressive resume we've seen in our 12 years of existence."
"Oh, well, I, uhh, thank you. That means a lot to me."
"Margaret would kill me if I didn't take this opportunity to ask you about the loaves and fishes thing -- how did you do that?"
"Sorry, but I'm not allowed to divulge those kinds of trade secrets. I'd be thrown out of the Messiahs Guild if I did."
"Professional discretion. I understand perfectly. And I hope you'll be just as understanding when I tell you that, despite how much the committee has been impressed by your credentials, we have decided to reject your application for the position of Messiah."
"Reject it? But I thought -- I mean, you just said --"
"I know. I know. Believe me, I've seen all the faux Messiahs preaching Armageddon on street corners, and I know we're not likely to find anybody better qualified than you, even if we search for 2,000 years. Still, there's the problem of the character thing..."
"The character thing?"
"That's right. When you were younger, I understand that you led a protest at the temple, knocking over tables, exhorting people to rebel against the moneylenders, that sort of thing."
"Yes. You see, I believe that --"
"Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm sure you had your reasons. Only, if you want people to accept you as the Messiah, you have to convince them that you will be stable and responsible as a leader. Incidents like that, however commendable your youthful high spirits may have been, make people wonder if you can handle the tremendous burdens of Messiahood."
"That's the character thing?"
"Exactly. The character thing. Or, here, I couldn't help but notice that there is a five year blank period in your resume -- the only thing I've been able to determine about that period of your life is that your forwarding address was 'The Desert...'"
"I was wandering around in the desert, yes."
"And in some ways that speaks very highly of you -- a young man searching for himself and all of that. Only, if you're planning on being Messiah, every moment of your time must be accounted for. A young man, alone in the desert for years -- who knows what he might begin to think about...camels?"
"That's disgusting!"
"Put yourself in the sandals of your followers, Jesus: you could have been doing anything out there."
"But I didn't do anything!"
"That's not the way it's going to look to the gossips in the markets. Believe me, nothing undermines the legitimacy of a Messiah's term in office more than rumours of misconduct. No matter how pure you are in reality, you can expect to lose followers."
"That's ridiculous!"
"Umm, okay, look. I didn't want to bring this up, but the biggest problem the committe has is with your ongoing relationship with the prostitute Mary Magdalene..."
"It's a purely spiritual relationship."
"Of course it is. You know that and I know that. But if the tabloids get a hold of it, you'll be condemned from here to Egypt!"
"Look. I believe in hating the sin but loving the sinner."
"A little too much loving, your critics will say."
"Oh, fooey! This character thing is just a smokescreen for personal innuendo and character assassination! These accusations have nothing to do with my ability to be Messiah!"
"I couldn't agree with you more, old boy. Unfortunately, this is the way the world works at the moment..."
"At this rate, you know the only people who are going to apply for Messiah are halfwits and people with no life experience."
"Oh, that's okay. We're not in any hurry to fill the position..."
