One of the difficulties ordinary people have understanding economics is that it has a language all its own which they find impenetrable. To break through the clutter of econospeak, twelfth grader Rita Mae Brown has kindly agreed to translate some common obfuscatory economic statements into the language of the streets, Ebonics.
"One hundred jobs were outsourc --"
Don' go there, boy! Don' you dare go there! We wasn't outsourced, streamlined, downsized or given a reemployment opportunity. We wasn't eliminated, constructively dismissed, uninstalled, transitioned or given involuntary severance. We wasn't correctsized or given a chance at a career transition program. We was fired.
"We are riding the crest of the longest peacetime economic expansion this country has ever seen."
A lot of rich white folks dun been gettin' richer.
"The market has suffered a slight downturn."
Rich people dun been losin' hundreds of thousands of dead presidents.
"The market has undergone a much needed correction..."
Rich people dun been losin' millions of dead presidents.
"The market is going through a period of adjustment..."
Rich people dun been losin' billions. If you dun been lucky enough ta have a job, you prolly gwan be losin' dat, too.
"High interest rates are necessary to dampen inflationary pressures."
It be mo impotant fo banks to make money dan fo you ta feed yo family.
"The burden of taxes is too high."
Yo services gwan be cut again so's rich folks can buy a second yacht.
"Generous Welfare programs are a disincentive for the poor to find work."
Oh oh! You know da time you dun been eatin' on food stamps and payin' yo rent wit money from Parents wit Dependent Chillun? Now, you gwan be workin' in toxic waste dumps just so's you kin afford cat food and a cardbo'd box! You...well, you dun gwan be screwed, is what it is.
"New information technologies, especially the Information Superhighway, offer an unprecedented opportunity for economic growth."
If you don't gots a education or money fo a computer, you definitely gwan be screwed.
"Debt makes it difficult for governments to carry out their primary functions."
Cha, right! When dem gummint critics be chargin' shit on dem's credit cards, dat be okay for da economy, but when da gummint pays for a housin' project, dat be a sin. Sides, if da gummint gwan be not payin' for programs, what be its primary functions?
"Innovation is the key to a successful corporation."
Dis don' mean nuttin', but it sound real good when it come from a economist promotin' a new book on a talk show. Everybody gots a bright idea in him. Next, you know somebody gwan be callin' information da key to success.
"Information is the key to a successful corporation."
See? See? I dun tol' you.
"International trade agreements are necessary for the economic benefit of all."
We gots to find ways to expo't our poverty to other countries.
"Investing in other countries is a good way of improving their economies. After all, raising the level of water benefits all ships."
Remember how trickle down economics was gwan benefit all ships? Funny how dose of us who were po drowned quicker. Now dat we perfected dat idea, we gwan expo't it to da world.
"We have to be careful not to succumb to a brain drain."
Even edicated folks know there gwan be serious problems here.
"The successful corporation embraces change."
Peter Drucker dun be soundin' mo and mo like P. T. Barnum all da time, don' he?
Rita Mae Brown would be happy to answer any questions you may have about the latests economist's assault on plain speaking. Since her single mother lost her Welfare priveleges and their neighbourhood shelter was closed due to funding cutbacks, she can be found wandering the streets of South Central Los Angeles.
