Deep Blue's recent thumping of chess master Gary Kasparov has left a lot of people worrying that the last thing which makes human beings unique in the world -- intelligence -- has been challenged. Lions are stronger. Cheetahs are faster. Aardvarks eat more ants. Porcupines look more awkward when having sex. But until recent developments in artificial intelligence research, only human beings were smart enough to ignore Luc Besson films.
The fear that humanity is in imminent danger of being replaced by machines is misplaced. There are still a great many things that human beings can do which even the smartest computers will not be able to do for the foreseeable future.
A computer will not be able to get drunk at your birthday party and make a crude pass at your sister. When confronted with evidence about its behaviour, a computer will not tell you to lighten up, it was only a party where everybody was drunk and, therefore, nobody was responsible for their actions. A computer will never try to make you feel guilty for thinkings its action were in any way wrong.
A computer will not deny the history of government regulatory and financial support for highly successful corporations while demanding cuts to Medicare or welfare programs.
A computer isn't ever likely to borrow $100 from you, and then stop returning your phone calls.
A computer won't burn down an abandoned building full of squatters so that it can erect luxury apartments for the wealthy on the site.
A computer may accidentally put money which is not yours into your bank account. It may even send you a letter once a day for several months urging you to repay the money even though it was removed from your account the day after the mistake was discovered. A computer will not, however, go to your boss and insist that you are a thief, ruining your chances for promotion at the company.
A computer will not massacre thousands of innocent civilians in a genocidal campaign of "ethnic cleansing," then claim that it was merely protecting the integrity of its national sovereignty. A computer will not accept this excuse and turn a blind eye to the slaughter in order to maintain a good economic trade relationship with the regime.
No computer will ever think Howard Stern is funny.
Computers don't feel the need to divide people on the basis of their ages so that they can analyze supposed differences between generations ad nauseam.
A computer isn't ever likely to be in a position to have to convince itself that there's no reason not to drive after a night of drinking.
A computer will not excuse its mistakes by claiming that they were merely human errors.
A computer rarely tries to convince itself that it's taking a legitimate new artistic direction when it's really just selling out.
A computer won't tell you how fascinating you dinner conversation is while calculating how much you spent on her that evening.
A computer won't oppress you for centuries, then turn around and scream that its rights are being violated when you demand better treatment.
It's hard to find a computer which is surprised that children from poor families tend to live in poverty when they grow up (unlike social scientists who conduct studies with such conclusions and the journalists who report on them).
A computer would never demand ever increasing restrictions on immigrants even though its parents or grandparents were, themselves, immigrants.
A computer won't try to make you feel bad for not going to a party it wants to go to. The same computer won't tell you the next day that it had heard that the party it had missed was fantastic (even though both of you know that it was a crushing bore).
So, you see, there are still a lot of things human beings do that computers don't do, and aren't likely to do any time soon. Now, remind me, again: why is this a good thing?
