Headlines Shred Limes
Contents

1. Cut Headlines Some Slack!
They've Been Having a 2020 Kind of Year...
2. Yes, It's Another Headlines Article -
At This Point, You Have to Ask?
3. Headlines' Quest for Ions Continues!
4. The Last Thing Headlines Remember is That They Forgot...
5. Headlines Are Getting Used to Med Lines, And They Don't Feel Too Good About It
6. Headlines Didn't Have To Ask, But...Umm...Yeah…
7. Headlines Miss Daguerreotypes (But Not Enough To Invent a Time Machine)
8. Would You Be Disappointed If You Started Reading a What the Heck Do You Know and a Headlines Broke Out?
9. Headlines Are Starting to Feel Headline Fatigue
10. Headlines Don't Question Authority, But If They Did...
11. Headlines Don't Like Their Bedtimes (But Realize This is Not The Right Time to Complain)
12. Headlines Can't Be Bothered to Come Up With A Clever Headline For Itself
13. Don't Sweat It - Headlines ??????????????????????????????????? Everything
14. Don't Question Headline's Patriotism Unless You Are Prepared To Take the Citizenship Test and Live With the Consequences!
15. Headlines Just Threw Up a Little In Its Moth
16. Those Headlines Were Mere Appenstance...
17. Headlines Question How They Will Lose All That Additional Weight Once the Quarantine is Over
18. Headlines Make Poor Headstones
19. Unorthodox Headlines Question Endomorphic Pantaloons
20. Headlines Know That The Only Thing Worse Than Listening to Oldies on the Radio is When The Oldies on the Radio Are Twenty Years More Recent Than the Music They Grew Up With
21. To Headline Or Not To Headline - That Isn't The Question
22. Headlines Wanted To Keep Their Distance, But The Cookies Smelled Too Good...
23. Headlines Can Handle Questions About Their Masculinity If You Can Handle Questions About Your Breath
24. Headlines Weep Tears Of Red Ink
25. Headlines Slipped on a Banana Peel and Fell Into Love
26. A Question Here, A Question There and Pretty Soon the Social Contract Falls Apart!
27. Are You Kidding? Headlines Totally Meant To Question Your Patriotism! And the Patriotism of the House You Rode In On!
28. Headlines Didn’t Get a Flu Shot – Why? Do You Think They Should?
29. Once, Twice, Five Times a Headline
30. Headlines? You Call These Headlines?
In My Day, These Squiggles Wouldn't Be Fit To Shine Headlines' Shoes!
31. Headlines Lost Their Credibility During Watergate and Never Recovered It
32. Headlines Saw Their Life Flash Before Their Eyes, And Desperately Flailed For The Undo Button
33. Questions Didn't Headline Authority
Wait. Strike That. Reverse It...
34. Just Like Everybody Else, Headlines Couldn't Wait For 2020 To End
And Just Like Everybody Else, They Had To
35. The Question on Everybody's Mind is... Why Are Headlines Wearing Such Tight Pants?
36. Some Headlines! Some Headlines! My kingdom for some head – Oh, There They Are...
37. Are You Questioning the Integrity of Headlines?
Umm, Okay, Then – I Just Wanted To Be Sure
38. Oh, Headlines!
39. Headlines, Man – They're Trippy, Hippie!
40. As For the Headlines That Didn't Even Know How To Ask a Question...
41. Headlines Are Sure They Will Recover From 2020 Any Minute Now...
Aaaaaaaaannnnny Minute Now...
Aaaaaaannnny Minute...
42. Headlines Shook Its Head and Muttered, "You Hadda Ask, Didn't You? You Just Hadda Ask!"
43. Oh, Headlines! * SIGH *
44. Headlines Hate Bedhead
45. Headlines Finds True or False Questions Too Constraining
46. Headlines, Introduce Thyself!
47. What the Ferk, Headlines‽
48. Get Your Headline Out of the Cloud Computer and Back in the Game!
49. The Question on Every Headlines’ Mind Is...
50. Headlines Threw Caution to the Wind
The Wind Threw Caution Back in Headlines' Typeface
51. Headlines Went Through COVID Fatigue Fatigue
52. If You Have To Ask How Much It Costs, You Probably Can't Afford That Headline...
53. Headlines Couldn't Think of Anything to Say (For Once)
54. Yeah? If You Feel That Way, You Try Incorporating The Word "Headline" Into a Headline! Not So Easy, Is It?
55. Check One. Check One. Is This Headline On?
56. Sorry, But XXXXXXXXX Has Been Redacted on Grounds of National Insecurity
57. THIS Is Why Headlines Can't Have Nice Things
58. Headlines Envy You Your Certainty
They Question Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeverything!
59. Headlines...Just Can't...
60. There Are Some Questions Headlines Were Never Meant To Answer...
61. Headlines Were Too Drunk To Be Discreet
62. Who Are You To Question Headlines' Decision To – Oh, Hi, Chief...
63. Headlines Were Surprised By Their Own Strength, But That House Needed To Be Moved
64. Headlines Would Like To Apologize For That Shrimp Fork In Your Neck
65. Headlines – Waddya Gonna Do?
66. Headlines Didn't Ask, But Got Told Anyway
67. Headlines Trusted the Experts and Look Where It Got Them!
68. Headlines Were Not Happy Being Part of The Cultural Wasteland, But It Was The Only Territory Available To Them
69. Headlines Couldn't Pass the Don't Ask, Don't Smell Test
70. Headlines Never Cheated On You With Your Best Friend – And Anybody Who Says Otherwise Better Be Prepared To Become A Headline!
71. Headlines, Eh?
72. Headlines Were Too Lazy to Change the Channel
73. Headlines Have Forgotten More Answers Than You Have Questions, You Little Snot!
74. Headlines Grew Tired of The Colours...The Colours...!
75. Why Can't Headlines Have Nice Things?
76. Headlines Couldn't Wait For 2021 To Be Over
The Fact That They Felt The Same Way at the End of 2020 Means Nothing...
77. Headlines Hate Cheap Sentiment, But It's All They Can Afford
78. Headlines Couldn't Evade the Question
79. Headlines Wanted the Last Piece of Chocolate Cake, But Couldn't Bring Themselves to Ask For It
80. Headlines Lost More Because Of The Latest Software Update Than They Could Bear
81. Headlines Are Worried About The Rawness of Their Throat...
82. Are You Going to Finish That? Because, If Not, I Know a Hungry Hungry Headline...
83. Headlines Have Been There, Stunned That, What's Drecks?
84. The Question for the Perfect Headline Continues!
85. Headlines Called it a Strike, Then Called it an Early Night
86. Headlines Request The Honour Of Your Presence
If You're Seated In The First Three Rows, Be Sure to Wear a Plastic Poncho To Keep The Blood Off Your Clothes
87. Headlines Faced Such a Short Turnaround Time That It Had To Have a Little Lie Down Before It Passed Out
88. Headlines? I’ve Had a Few...
89. Headlines Had a Dream About The Dreams of Their Youth
Unfortunately, Headlines Couldn’t Remember It When They Woke Up
90. Headlines? * SIGH * Where Do I Begin?
91. Headlines Had a Questionable Pedigree
92. Headlines Hate To Be a Bother, But Would You Mind Putting That Fire Out?
93. Headlines Were Confused (Who Wouldn’t Be?)
94. Headlines Concluded That They Should Start Every Day With a Breakfast of Losers
95. Headlines Missed Profundity...Missed It By That Much!
96. Fortune Favours Headlines That Do Not Question The Status Quo
97. And the Best Part? Headlines Didn’t Have to Clean Up the Mess!
98. Headlines COVID Thy Neighbour’s Health
99. Headlines Hated To Ask, But – Really? HATED To Ask? Why Did They, Then?
The Headline Here Should Be: Headlines Acted Insincerely!
100. Headlines Needed a Republican-to-Reality Translator
101. The Zen of Headline Writing
...Is Not Practised Here
102. Headlines Looked Around the Table and Couldn’t Identify the Sucker There Must Not Have Been One at the Game...