Headlines Needed a Republican-to-Reality Translator

The Purina Seafood Medley Is Especially Tempting

"More are turning to Dollarama for food" - Toronto Star

Putin Declares: "Russia Will Fight To The Last Afghan Mercenary!"

"Zelenskyy returns amid relentless Russian strikes
Moscow warns war will end only when military goals are met" - Toronto Star

How Can You Say That? Are You One Of Those Christmas Haters I'm Always Hearing About?
I Hope You Enjoy The Coal You Get In Your Stocking!

"Not a wonderful time of year for all" - Toronto Star

Oh. Well...Yeah, There's That

"Holiday time tends to highlight loss" - Toronto Star

What Do You Mean, Sending It Flowers Won't Help?

"Mending broken relationship with nature" - Toronto Star

Enthusiastic Tap Dancing, Perhaps, But Not Trampling
Never Trampling

"Ford denies 'trampling on democracy'" - Toronto Star

I'm Thinking It Has Something To Do With Not Going Out Of Town For The Holidays, But I May Be Missing Something...

"What it means to be 'home for Christmas'" - Toronto Star

Mad, Bad And Dangerous To Know Cow Disease?
Biden Derangement Syndrome?
Sunspots?
Theories Are Easy; Something That Actually Explains His Behaviour, On The Other Hand...

"A Theory to Explain Elon Musk" - New York Times

Life Isn't Disappointing Enough

"Most U.S. voters want JFK records released" - Toronto Star

Humans Need To Accept That Workplaces Don't Care About Their Health

"Workplaces need to accept that humans get sick" - Toronto Star

There's Plenty Of Time To Be Sick The Rest Of The Year

"Avoid getting sick for holidays" - Toronto Star

A Little Salt In The Fireplace Goes A Long Way

"Selling your home? Season lightly" - Toronto Star

Only A Few Hundred Thousand Left In The Middle Class
He Should Make Short Work Of Them

"Macklem's work nearly done" - Toronto Star

With No Opportunity For Any Of Our Players To Move Up To The Bigs

"With new law, Toronto joins minor leagues of democracy" - Toronto Star

Asked And Answered
...Unfortunately

"Are we committed to protecting forests?" - Toronto Star

"Developers destroy wetlands and farmlands" - Toronto Star

That Christmas Turkey Leg COULD Have Walked Off On Its Own
Although It Would Have Been More Of A Hop, Really...

"Be careful about accusing kin of theft" - Toronto Star

You Want: The Rolling Stones
You Need: Weird Al

"I didn't want to, but part of me felt like being bad" - Toronto Star

"When 'civilized' people are clearly in need of civilizing" - Toronto Star

"Canada wants to host the 2030 Games - whether you like it or not" - Globe and Mail

"Poilievre needs to cool down his mob" - Toronto Star

"Staycation tax credit not staying
Tourism industry wanted provincial travel promotion permanent" - Toronto Star

"To get rid of hateful behaviour, we need solutions, not laws" - Toronto Star

"Travel industry wants end to testing" - Toronto Star

"Recycling industry needs proper oversight body" - Toronto Star

"PM wants us to trust government. Hmmm" - Toronto Star

"Ford needs to keep promise on Greenbelt" - Toronto Star

It Wouldn't Be, Except Developers Ate Doug Ford's Brain
(It Was More Of A Snack Than A Meal)

"Ontario Place deal shouldn't be a secret" - Toronto Star

Over Generations, Our Skin Will Darken, And We'll Have To Learn To Hate Ourselves

"How Extreme Heat Will Change Our Lives" - New York Times

Prime Minister Calls For Fewer Tax Cuts

"Premiers call for more health funding" - Toronto Star

At Their Funerals

"Unvaccinated contract workers recalled" - Toronto Star

Even If We Have To Save Them From Us?

"We must show leadership in saving species" - Toronto Star

And Enough Sense Not To Represent Donald Trump

"Courtroom dogs have special skills" - Toronto Star

You're Going To Owe Money For That Long Anyway, So You May As Well Make It Official

"Increase amortization from 25 to 30 years" - Toronto Star

But, Hey, Even If They Don't, I Have Ways Of Getting What I Want, So It's All Good

"Rooming house debate to reopen at city hall
Mayor confident council will vote for legalization" - Toronto Star

Business Professors Sigh In Exasperation - There's One In Every Freshman Class!

"Business Students Rethink Capitalism" - New York Times

Unlike All Of The Tabloid Articles About The Couple, Which Were Models Of Fair And Balanced Reporting

"A very one-sided point of view
'Harry & Meghan' series makes no attempt at balance" - Toronto Star

When People Can Afford Food, They Don't Have To Steal It - Who Knew?

"Grocery shoplifting rises with inflation" - Toronto Star

We Must Not Answer: By Only Sending Them To Necessary Wars

"We must ask how we can help our soldiers" - Toronto Star

That's What Pharma Companies Are Afraid Of

"Preventing illness cheaper than cure" - Toronto Star

And We'll Keep Telling Ourselves That Until We Stop Sobbing About The Midterm Election Results

"GOP's Hunter Biden probe is legit" - Toronto Sun

Except China - Good Thing It's Not A Big Market

"'Avatar' a hit with moviegoers globally" - Toronto Star

As Everybody Knows, You Can't Have Outrage Without An Outage

"Blizzard causes mass outages
Thousands in the dark as winter storm blankets much of southern Ontario" - Toronto Star