Headlines...Just Can't...

Which Ones?

"Israeli strikes on Gaza violated international laws, rights group says" - Toronto Star

 Stop Being Divorced
(Hey! - You Get The Advice You Pay For)

"Mom of two seeks advice on dating while divorced" - Toronto Star

Government Would Try To Shut It Down, But It's One Of The Few Bright Spots In The Nation's Economy

"Mercenary Industry Grows in Colombia" - New York Times

 Who Are You, Some Kind Of Constitutional Scholar?
You ARE A Constitutional Scholar?
You're Part Of The Elite Trying To Destroy Our Freedom!

"There's no charter right to endanger other people" - Toronto Star

The Exact Opposite Of My Government

"'Stay prepared' against COVID-19, Ford urges" - Toronto Star

If You Believe She's Doomed, Why Don't You Just Come Out And Say It?

"Political guts could resolve Meng's extradition case" - Toronto Star

Oh, Yeah? Just Watch Us!

"We Cannot Just Watch Afghanistan Collapse" - New York Times

And The Overt Ugliness Of Politics

"We saw the intrinsic beauty of sports" - Toronto Star

 I Thought The Whole Point Was To Get Yelly
Have You Been Watching The Same Show That I Have?

"A 'Schitt's Creek' fan's guide to a great game night
Follow these tips to ensure your evening of fun doesn't get 'too yelly'" - Toronto Star

Her Own Feet Would Have Been Much Less Awkward

"Gwen sets bad precedent by walking on Blake's face" - Toronto Star

Still, You Have To Give Him Credit For Trying

"Bolsonaro May Not Destroy Brazil" - New York Times

So Is Defenestrate, But You Don't See It In Nearly As Many Headlines!

"'Science' is just a word" - Toronto Star

Supply And Demand Curves Are Easier To Appreciate When Politics Isn't Added To The Equation

"Employers who pay more say finding workers is easy" - Toronto Star

So Emphatic! Are You Sure You're A Canadian Newspaper?

"Cities must be creative in fixing the housing crisis" - Toronto Star

 "Ottawa must take over care for our seniors" - Toronto Star

 "UN must act now to protect vulnerable Afghans" - Toronto Star

 "Church must listen, and do the right thing" - Toronto Star

 "Programs must address needs of woman entrepreneurs" - Toronto Star

 "Green Party must focus on a 'One Planet' Canada" - Toronto Star

 "Proof of vaccination must go both ways" - Toronto Star

 "Quality must be priority for nationwide child care" - Toronto Star

Council Now Believes Giving Godzilla Asylum Was A Mistake

"Flooded German Village Rethink Footprint" - New York Times

 I Agree - The US Should Never Have Invaded It In The First - What? That's Not What You Mean?
Oh, Right - I Forgot You Don't Believe In Root Causes...

"Afghanistan's fate shouldn't have come to this" - Toronto Star

Because Meanness Always Changes People's Minds?

"In this pandemic, the kind thing to do is stop being nice" - Globe and Mail

Election? You Asked About An Election? Sorry - I Thought You Were Talking About Beer!

"Right time for an election? That would be now" - Toronto Star

Unfortunately, The Bare Bones Are Still Showing

"Conservatives begin to flesh out platform" - Toronto Star

Not Acting Would Have Made Many People Blue, So Stop Acting So Yellow!

"Modern Monetary Theory is the new black, but we should brace for seeing red" - Globe and Mail

Emotionally Distant And Obsessed With Wealth?

"Let's have an Ontario Place that reflects who we are" - Toronto Star

 Sit In The Next Room When They're Being Taken
Or, Better Yet, In A Cafe Down The Street

"I hate having my photo taken!
Here are some pro tips and tricks for better portraits" - Toronto Star

 Not A Problem: I Get All My News From Blogs
Does Anybody Even Publish Newspapers Any More?

"Don't read much into N.S. win, expert says" - Toronto Star

But Trudeau's Hair Is More Likely

"Afghan crisis could be crucial election issue" - Toronto Star

 Ghosts Of Privatization Past
Boo!

"O'Toole stays vague on health-care details
Privately led 'innovations' offer Canadians more choice, Tory leader says" - Toronto Star

But It Was Long On Cherry Soda, So Everyone Was Satisfied

"Tribunal Winds Down Short of Answers" - New York Times

I Did - It Wasn't Very Tasty (Especially After The Cherry Soda)

"Sitting too much? Try an 'exercise snack'" - Toronto Star

 Mask Mandates Would Probably Be Better
But The Political Response To Them Is Wholly Predictable

"Gratitude could help ease an unpredictable school year" - Toronto Star

As The Easy To Reach Arguments Are Used Up, Digging Further Down Is Inevitable

"Fossil fuel debate could get deeper" - Toronto Star

He Read The Room

"Trudeau has forsaken sunny ways for petulance and gloom" - Toronto Star

Stop Inventing New Flavours! My Mouth Hasn't Caught Up With All The Ones We Currently Have!

"In China, The Bitter Turning To Mao" - New York Times

And, They Are Sure To Respond Appropriately...As Soon As They Stop Laughing

"Forceful action will show China that Canada is serious" - Toronto Star

In Pandemic Management, As In Comedy, Timing Is Everything

"Fourth wave 'most definitely' here" - Toronto Star

 "A week away from easing of more restrictions" - Toronto Star