As For the Headlines That Didn't Even Know How To Ask a Question...

Start By Consulting The Legal Department Of The Law Firm You Both Work At

"How do I confront partner about his secret Viagra?" - Toronto Star

You Keep Futilely Trying To Open The Coffin Lid

"Why do my nails keep breaking?" - Toronto Star

Their Families Will Be Grateful To Have Them Back

"What if fans enjoy going cold turkey in a nearly sport-less winter?" - Globe and Mail

Shifting Out Of Neutral, Not Driving Off A Cliff And [Insert Your Own Automobile Reference Here]

"What will it take for Ford to act properly on pandemic?" - Toronto Star

It Started In Kamloops, And We're Now In St. John's
If It Isn't The End Of The Coat Soon, It May Be The End Of The Species!

"Is this finally the end of the mink coat?" - Toronto Star

Probably Not: He Only Cares About What Happens In Ford Homes

"Does Ford know what is happening in care homes?" - Toronto Star

Blame Colin Kaepernik - It Wouldn't Be The First Time

"How did it become normal for sports journalists to cover politics?" - Globe and Mail

Absolutely! The Wrong Lesson, But It Will Still Be A Lesson

"Will Americans learn from this?" - Toronto Star

Only If It's In Season

"Will Parliament spring an election on Canada?" - Toronto Star

Have You Looked In The Ditch, Lately? Some People Aren't Waiting For Your Permission

"When can we finally ditch the masks?" - Toronto Star

All Good Companies Go To (Tax) Haven

"Companies are desperate for a bailout, but who really deserves one?" - Globe and Mail

Next Year's, Perhaps

"Can advance quarantine make Christmas gatherings safe?" - Globe and Mail

Take Her To Lesbian Clubs

"How can I steer my friend away from 'bad' men?" - Toronto Star

There's Nothing He Can Teach Me
I Probably Shouldn't Be As Proud Of That As I Am, But I Was Taught To Always Play To My Strengths

"Meet Dean
The Toronto basset hound is a laziness guru? What can he teach us?" - Toronto Star

Because We're Simpler

"If 'stay at home' is so simple, why aren't we?" - Toronto Star

I Believe Everything Tastes Better With Bacon, But This Is A Stretch

"Some Ask: Is Vaccine Halal?" - New York Times

As Long As They Hear The Best Medical Advice Available, They Should Feel Free To Not Heed It

"Should government roll the dice on doses?" - Toronto Star

NOT WITH MY LIFE, THEY CAN'T!

"Police officers can make mistakes, can't they?" - Toronto Star

More TLC

"What needs to happen in LTC homes?" - Toronto Star

Maybe A Few Of Us; The Rest Are Stuck In The Dustbowl Thirties

"Are we headed back to the Roaring Twenties?" - Globe and Mail

It's Like A Club Sandwich Without Bacon
(Why Am I Always Hungry When I Think Of This Show?)

"'Sex and the City' without Samantha?" - Toronto Star

Cook With String, Because Anything Is Possible In 11 Dimensions

"When cooking, how can I cut calories but keep flavour?" - Globe and Mail

Viruses Tend To Be Illiterate, So...

"Could virus spell the end of animal testing?" - Toronto Star

Absolutely: He Could Start By Having Been Born Kathleen Wynne

"If Ford did things differently, would it have helped?" - Toronto Star

Don't Call In The People Who Are Supposed To Serve And Protect

"How can we best serve and protect people in mental-health emergencies?" - Globe and Mail

Sure, In The Same Way That There Is "Pure Rat Poison"

"Is there such a thing as 'clean Botox'?" - Toronto Star

Good Enough That If You Apply Yourself And Work Really Hard, In 20 Years You Will Be Able To Afford A Lovely Cardboard Box To Live In

"What are my job prospects?" - Toronto Star

You Know: Right From Wrong?
You Know Right From Wrong

"What does it really mean to be not criminally responsible?" - Globe and Mail

And, If It Was, How much Better Would It End Up Being?

"Can our transport system be hacked?" - Toronto Star

Does Losing Your Sense Of Direction Qualify As A Senior Moment If You're Only 17?

"Which Way Right?" - New York Times

Not At All - He's Also Running Away From The Party's Recent Racism
Say What You Want About The Man, But He Can Walk And Scrape Gum Off His Shoe At The Same Time

"Is 'owning the libs' all O'Toole's got?" - Toronto Star

Stop Driving On The 407

"How can I stop stress from taking a toll on my skin?" - Globe and Mail