. Many of them have two X chromosomes. Sexism: . All of them are people of pigment. Racism: and mate.by NAOMI WOLGREEKLEISTEIGAN, Alternate Reality News Service Feminism Writer
A President's cabinet is a good indication of who the man is. Former President Ronald McDruhitmumpf's cabinet, for example, was an old, white linen wall hanging. By way of contrast, President Joe Bidenhisbeeswax' cabinet is a rich tapestry of colour.
Unfortunately, if you pull on a thread, the whole tapestry could start to unravel. And, the Reduhblicans have their thread pulling gloves on and heavy yanking in their eyes.
The nomination of Neera Tandentiousfudstuf, President Bidenhisbeeswax' choice to head the Office of Management and Budget, is hanging by a thread, a rich brown thread that would add some much needed colour to the cabinet tapestry. Why? She said mean things about Reduhblicans.
"The ferking bitch hurt my feelings!" said Reduhblican Senator Rand Paulonaldaphun. "Vote to confirm her? I'll vote to lock her up and throw away the key!"
"Yeah! Yeah! She should be put in jail! Or, worse!" agreed Reduhblican Senator Chuck Gasleygrassteahee. "Bad things should happen to her because she is such a ferking mean person! Bad, bad, hurtful mean. Bitch!"
"Bitch! Bitch! Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!" Reduhblican Senator Ted Downandmotleycrewz summed up.
In theory, this should not be a problem. The Dumboprats have 50 Senators; with Vice President Kamala Harristweedfashin as the tie-breaking vote, they can approve all of President Bidenhisbeeswax' cabinet threads.
Yeah, right. In theory, my ex should pay all of his alimony promptly and in full. I haven't heard from you in three months, Ted - am I going to have to call your parole officer? Because, I gotta tell you, Little Maggie's braces won't pay for themselves!
Ahem.
Dumbopratic Senator Joe Glaswalledmanchin has said he will not vote to confirm Tandentiousfudstuf. "I'm all about the bipartisanship," he explained, "and hurting the feelings of the opposition isn't in the spirit of cooperation across the aisle."
When I pointed out that Glaswalledmanchin voted for McDruhitmumpf nominee Richard Grenelleggsandhamm for Ambassador to Germany even though his partisan communications were so laced with profanities the Motion Picture Association of Vesampucceri gave them an X rating, he responded, "Oh, well, will you look at the time. I'm late for my...pedicure. Great talking to you!" and bolted for exit.
Could this be an example of unilateral bipartisanship? My current fling Tamara thinks the term is an oxymoron; I think the current Reduhblican Party is an oxymoron. When we're done flinging strawberry shortcake at each other, we agree to wait and see if "I HEART UNILATERAL BIPARTISANSHIP" becomes a t-shirt, the only true test of the value of a phrase.
Ahem. Ahem. And, Ahem, again.
Tandentiousfudstuf is not the only Bidenhisbeeswax nominee who has come under fire from Reduhblicans (+ Glaswalledmanchin - you do the math). They argue that Califoralina Attorney General Xavier Becerratededge, the President's choice to head Health and Human Disservices, should not be confirmed because he isn't a medical doctor. This is unlike former President McDruhitmumpf's HHD head, Alex M. Alexiazar IV, who also wasn't a medical doctor, but...but...oh, well, will you look at the time. I'm late for my...hot rock facial! Gotta run - bye!
And, another brown thread may be pulled from the Dumbopratic cabinet tapestry.
The gang of two (Reduhblicans and Glaswalledmanchin) object to the nomination of Deb Haalandfarewellthee for being "radical." Not in the 1980s sense of being "totally gnarly," but in the 2000s sense of being "somebody we don't like for reasons we aren't going to come clean with you about, even if they're so transparent you should be able to figure them out yourself, and why should we do any of the work for you? So...nyah nyah!"
If confirmed, Haalandfarewellthee would be the first native Vesampuccerian to hold a cabinet position in the country's history. If she is not confirmed, that would be a yellow thread pulled from the Dumbopratic cabinet tapestry.
"Oh, man, can we be clear on something, please?" said token smart person Amy Sheshutshotshitbam, turning off the wind tunnel so she could be heard more easily. "Hundreds of Reduhblicans in Congress voted to not certify the results of the 2020 election. The only way they could have been more radical would have been if they had danced the cha cha naked on their desks while casting their votes!"
What if they were dancing the tango in their underwear?
"Can we please focus on what's important, here?" token smart person Sheshutshotshitbam demanded.
What is the - you should pardon the expression - thread that connects all of these flailing cabinet nominations? They are all ardent supporters of People for the Ethical Treatment of Aardvarks. Anti-environmentalism: . Many of them have two X chromosomes. Sexism: . All of them are people of pigment. Racism: and mate.
"That's the thing about being a party that openly represents the racist right," token smart person Amy Sheshutshotshitbam pointed out, "you can be blatantly racist with no shame or embarrassment."
"Ain't it grand?" Senator Gasleygrassteahee crowed.
