Les Pages Aux Folles: Poetry Survived Post-modernism - It Will Almost Certainly Survive This
Poetry Survived Post-modernism - It Will Almost Certainly Survive This
by FREDERICA VON McTOAST-HYPHEN, Alternate Reality News Service People Writer
Limerick 1
Newly elected maniac Marjorie Taylormaid Fortrubble
Lived in the right-wing conspiracy bubble
The Reduhblican Party was just a pawn
In the plans of the member for Q-Anon
Remove her from her committee postings on the double!
The Many Manias of Steve
There are some who probably will find it tacky
But I can never get enough of Steve Kandykornaki.
He may not be the height of elegance
In his starched white shirt and khaki pants,
But if you're Jonesing for an election night data fix, he
Is the perfect manic number-crunching pixie.
Where other analysts wouldn't be interested,
Steve appears to be heavily emotionally invested.
While other analysts try to be succinct,
Steve is happy to do a deep dive into each ward and precinct
Every data point is a matter of life and death,
And he never seems to take a breath!
(And, it's a natural high - Steve would never use meth!)
Steve can be seen in a variety of media,
Which is only right - his mind is an encyclopedia
Of facts! He knows all of the names and faces
Of people in hundreds of House and Senate races!
Who won by less than 100 votes seven cycles ago?
Ask Steve - you can be sure Steve will know!
Steve really knows how to put on a show,
Reminding us of the trends from four years ago.
The current race could go this way
Or, it could be completely different - who is Steve to say?
In the numbers he is supremely confident,
And he'll explore them until his energy is spent.
(We're behind you, Steve, one hundred per cent!)
And, oh! You have to admire how Steve is the Lord
Of the network's election night smart board.
How he manipulates the data can be frightening -
His fingers flying around like lightning!
As out of his mouth the latest number slips,
It also appears to travel out of his fingertips!
Steve can certainly be said to be driven,
So he should be easily forgiven
If, in his electoral consciousness' stream,
He has trouble finding the most helpful screen.
Confusion should not be something we're fearing:
They happen so rarely, his mistakes can be endearing.
(Now look what you've done! You've got me all tearing!)
Although he can tell you how a race will look, he
Would not do well as a bookie.
His speech is plain, not arabesque,
And votes are called by the Decision Desk.
The end of the party he will always miss,
No matter how sharp is his analysis.
How can anybody not love Steve Kandykornaki
He has such a talent! He has such a knack, he
Can take facts so dry and uninviting
And make them come alive, make them exciting!
With his boundless enthusiasm,
He looks like election results give him a satisfying...ummm...
(Oh, I'm sure you know what fills that empty chasm!)
Limerick 2
How many transgressions of norms does it take
To get a reaction out of House Reduhblican leader Kevin McCartilagebreak?
If your fascistic tendencies are cut and dried
He will take you aside
And gently over lukewarm bathwater rake
The Friendly Face of Fascism
She looks and speaks like your kindly grandmother.
You would expect her to offer biscuits and tea.
But, when she speaks, she's something other,
Reminding you of your pledge of unity constantly.
For her tactics, you shouldn't be fallin'
Susan Yummytomcollins
Of course, she'll be happy to be lead negotiator
Of the terms of your major legislation.
But you will find, ten months later
That for an agreement you're still waitin'.
She says she wants a deal, but she keeps stallin'
Susan Yummytomcollins
A proper negotiation involves give and take,
But from her position she will never slip.
To give in would be a big mistake.
Her offer to you is a fake,
A deal all Reduhblicans will break
In the spirit of one-way bi-partisanship.
Who smiles while your bill she's maulin'?
Susan Yummytomcollins
She may seem independent,
But who does she think she's kidding?
Learn from how previous negotiations went:
She's there to do the obstructionist party's bidding.
You may be grinning now, but soon you'll be bawlin'
Thanks to Susan Yummytomcollins
Limerick 3
Despite being so young, Senator Josh Heehaheehawley
Is reaching for the ultimate prize, by golly
He plans to win the 2024 Presidential race
By appealing to Ronald McDruhitmumpf's base
To bet against him would be folly
