Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
I'm in love with this wonderful woman. Let's call her...Gweneveer. Because I don't have a lot of imagination. I'm a dentist. Anyhoodies, when we get together, it's like a scene from Flashdance. Sparks like you wouldn't believe! And, wet. Very wet. Can we help it if water hoses break whenever we get together? Really, it's more like Fleshdance, but, uhh, that was her joke. Because of the whole no imagination/dentist thing. You know how it is.
I'm pretty sure my wife, Penelop, would be unhappy if she ever found out about Gwenny-poohdle. (That's the nickname she gave me for herself. I...I don't really get the concept of nicknames, but it seems to make her happy, so okay.) Penelop is a trusting sort, though, so when I told her that I was working late on fillings for the next day, she seemed to buy it.
Well, sir, quarantine has shot all of that to hell, let me tell you!
I now fill cavities and install braces over the internet. It's a little awkward, especially when a patient's connection is pokey, but at least I've stopped doing root canals until the pandemic is brought under control. We all have to make sacrifices in this difficult time.
For me, one of them has been Gwenevere. I haven't been outside of my house for two months, sixteen days and a handful of slow, painfully slow hours. In that time, I have given my mistress three cleanings and six unnecessary fillings. Not only has this been a most unromantic way to get to spend time with her, but it's playing hell with Gwenneveer's insurance premiums!
Not only am I becoming alienated from my mistress, TAG, but spending so much time with my wife has reminded me of what made me want to marry her in the first place. The way she brushes wisps of hair out of her eyes with the same implement we use to make sure Mister Pinckles doesn't get any hairballs from grooming himself. The way she is able to burn the steak without setting off the fire alarm in our apartment. The way her voice squeaks when we argue about what to watch on Netflix. I'm worried that I may end up cheating on my mistress with my wife.
What can I do about this revoltin' state of affairs?
Sincerely,Yo, Benny,
You dawg!
Uhh, oops. I seem to have interrupted Misses the Tech Answer Guy's painting in our rock garden. I've never understood the attraction of painting rocks, but she seems to find it soothing. So...
You dawg.
Of course, this is a...relationship question. The Tech Answer Guy doesn't do...relationship questions. They give him indigestion, and a bad case of morning mummers. A really bad case. Ordinarily, I would ask Amritsar for help with your question, but she hasn't been answering the Tech Answer Guy's texts ever since the guacamole guitar incident.
As you say, these are difficult times, so I'll take a stab at it.
Whenever I have a difficult relationship problem to solve (and, for the Tech Answer Guy, all relationship problems are difficult - it's a thing with him - don't ask), I start a home renovation project. When my sister was going through her “technicolor daydreams” phase, I built a bookcase, even though there was no room in our house for it and it's been on the roof for seven years. When Misses The Tech Answer Guy's mother came to visit for six months, I installed a basement. Mostly. We've never been able to figure out where the ants are getting into the house, but figuring that out has kept me busy at emotionally trying times for years.
Home renovations projects focus the mind. Home renovations projects distract from difficult emotions. Home renovations projects are perfect for avoiding any problem, big or small or some size in between. Try a home renovation project. You'll be glad you did.
The Tech Answer GuyYou're really not very good at giving emotional advice, are you?
Sincerely,Yo, Benny-Boy,
I know, right! Thank you for your understanding.
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: bow legs are not bowling legs. The Tech Answer Guy made that mistake once, and lost his chance at a perfect game in the very first frame!