Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
I'm a rude tude extruder for Transdimensional Fremulon, a wholly owned subsidiary of MultiNatCorp ("We do exotic sounding but ultimately quite tedious stuff"). Ever since the lockdown because of the virus started, I've been working from home (rude tudes don't extrude themselves!), which has given me a rare insight into my wife Robin's home life.
It's like a Wes Cranraisinetty movie without the confetti.
Thanks to the lockdown all schools are closed (yeah, thanks, thanks a lot!), so our three children, Jess, Pat and Inky Dinky Doo, are stuck at home with us. The little...angels. The horns kind of confused me, but Robin insists that they're vestigial and the kids are too young to start exhibiting wings but it's only a matter of time so cut them some slack and do I want to sleep on the couch for the next three weeks I thought not so they're angels and that's that. You can't argue with logic like that.
Between extrusions, I've had to help keep the kids entertained. We've gone for long walks in our backyard, me narrating local points of interest ("That's the tree where you skinned your knee when you were three doing...whatever you thought you were doing yes I know you were there and I've told this story the last twenty-three times we passed this tree but I'm doing the best I can with really thin material it's not like all that much has happened in this yard and hey who wants to hear about the time Pat nearly drowned in the bird bath?") along the way. We've played Monopolistic Capitalism so often the value of many of the properties has rubbed away, and the rabbit game piece has gotten surly. If I have to watch another episode of Thomas the Tank, I'm gonna bust a spleen.
The entertainment needs of the kids are insatiable! Do you have any ideas of how I can keep them busy? Because Robin says I can't send them to the glue factory.
Sincerely,
Bob Dobalina from Arkansalina
Yo, Dobbie,
Are they boys or girls...or spiders?
The Tech Answer GuyYes.
Sincerely,Yo, Bobster,
Umm, okay. Glad we settled that. If your children are boys, I would suggest that the Acme Corporation has many fine products that could offer them endless hours of entertainment. Like rocket skates. Man, I would have loved tooling around the neighbourhood in those babies! Of course, the boys would have to tool around the background until the lockdown was eased, but dead grass and flowers become mulch for the next generation of plant life, so everybody wins!
Or, how about a jet propelled pogo stick? Bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy bouncy. Bouncy! What boy hasn't wanted to soar above the neighbourhood, watching...well, not much these days, but children have great imaginations! And, bonus: as long as they stay in the backyard, they will stamp the dead grass and flower mulch deep into the ground!
If your boys like dressing up, you could try to order them an artificial rock costume. I...I never understood the appeal of it, to be honest, but I hear it's very popular in Texakota.
If they're girls, well, umm, dolls? Tea parties? Gossip about the dolls they didn't invite to their tea parties? Girls are, uhh, not really my area of expertise.
If your children are spiders, perhaps you could order them a My First Web starter web spinning kit from the internet? You can buy anything from the internet. Or, if they're older than the recommended age for the beginner kits, you could always get them...umm...I got nothing. Sorry. That's really not my area of expertise!
The Tech Answer GuyThank you for your suggestions. But, they seem a bit...violent?
Sincerely,Yo, Bobalina,
Everything I know about raising children, I learned from old Roadrunner cartoons. Your chuckle per explosion mileage may vary.
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: jigsaw puzzles are a great way of wasting hours of family fun! And, the best part? When they are complete, you can lacquer them in a way that will make them a lovely wall decoration or rancorous bone of contention in a divorce proceeding!