RACISM ANTI-SCIENCE CONSPIRACY THEORIES ECONOMIC POPULISM
Thank you, Majumder Parrafin, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, Halloween + COVID-19 = ? We can handle the skeletons with masks adorning houses in the neighbourhood; they could have belonged to people who had been medical professionals when they were alive and more...fleshy. We can accept the decorations on people's porches of round knobby objects; they look like extreme beach balls. But, the chutes people are using to give children candy while keeping them ten feet away? What's the point of setting up a teachable moment about the nature of human mortality if you're going to blunt it with chutes to give children candy while keeping them ten feet away? Even if they are in festive black and orange?
Looks like we'll be keeping more of the candy we bought for Halloween after the holiday than usual. Maybe President Trump is right and this pandemic isn't all bad...
Enjoy,The Reduhblican Party of New Califoxico has put vote drop boxes in some of the state's major cities. The drop boxes are not sanctioned by the state commission on elections, and the Reduhblicans have been warned that they are illegal and should be immediately removed.
"What will the Reduhblicans do with the votes they collect?" mused token smart person Amy Sheshutshotshitbam. "Have a paper airplane creating contest? See which precinct can make the most work for local garbage collectors? Create a giant piece of installation art? We know what they won't do with the ballots - do I have to draw you a map with a polling station no roads lead to?"
"Oh, for Pete's sake!" complained Reduhblican Regina Stonewalloffender, Pete's wife. But, uhh, more importantly, somebody involved in the drop box drop offs. "When Reduhblicans restrict the number of voter drop boxes in a state, Dumboprats complain! When Reduhblicans increase the number of voter drop boxes in a state, Dumboprats also complain! I tell you, we just can't win!"
SOURCE: The Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=42322641314641314682fx]
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Although Oddly Halloween Appropriate
British guitarist Spencer Davis has dies of pneumonia at the age of 81. The leader of The Spencer Davis Group had a hit with the song "Gimme Some Lovin'." Of course, now that thought is just gross.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Excerpts from A Loser's Lexicon 2020: Words And Phrases You Didn't Know Before the Quarantine, and Probably Still Don't:
Contact tracing: What the pencil does to the paper when making an outline of an image below.
Flatten the curve: Undergo breast reduction surgery.
PPE: Palpable Penguin Etiquette.
Quaranteam: A group of religious scholars focused on Islam's holiest text.
Quarantini: A martini made of quartz. Or, possibly that should be drunk by the quarts. Especially if you have just come from meeting with your quaranteam.
Social distance: What used to be called "six degrees of separation," now measured in feet rather than degrees.
Viral load: How much time you can spend on Twitter and Facebook before you need to talk a walk to avoid passing out.
Zoom fatigue: Being sick and tired of being conned. (Reference the phrase "Who's zoomin' who?" in The Loser's Lexicon 1967.)
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418378150637420952-3794147940736139500-0383cahs01.html]
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The Bar Is More Of A Thinly Dotted Line At This Point...
The third Trump-Biden debate, which was really the second Trump-Biden debate because the actual second Trump-Biden debate was cancelled by - you know what? I'm going to start again.
The final Trump-Biden debate (regardless of how many came before it) took place last night. President Donald Trump did not rage, did not interrupt former Vice President Joe Biden, did not drool and spit up all over the place, and did not give shout-outs to white supremacist terrorists.
Clearly, Trump won.
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1706449803663880.xml]
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God Protects Fools...
Pope Francis became the first pontiff to endorse same-sex civil unions in comments for a documentary. "Homosexual people have the right to be a family," he said. "They are children of God."
How is Pope Francis hasn't died in his sleep of "natural causes" yet?
SOURCE: Religion For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/religionfordummies/home.asp?did=563&dir=bb]
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Somebody Better Hide The Country's Kitchen Knives
Canada has extended restrictions on the border with the United States for four more weeks. To celebrate, the European Union has removed Canadians from a list of approved travellers.
Guess we better break out the Yahtzee, because we're going to be spending a lot of time with each other...
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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...But Some Fools Don't Deserve God's Protection
People's Party leader Maxime Bernier is running for a seat in Parliament in a by-election in York Centre. Lucky us. A card distributed to residents of the riding reads:
How do People's Party supporters read the card?
RACISM ANTI-SCIENCE CONSPIRACY THEORIES ECONOMIC POPULISM
Ontario Premier Doug Ford is going to have to up his game if he is serious about inheriting the mantle of "the Canadian Donald Trump!"
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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From Greatest Generation To Gratest Generation
There's nothing like crises to reveal a politician's true nature.
When Brexit exploded in Prime Minister Boris Johnson's face (like an exploding cigar he had gifted himself for a job well done), he grew a big red nose. When, after six months, negotiations with the European Union stalled, his hair was replaced with an orange and purple fright wig (a bit of an improvement, actually, but still a significant change). When, six months after that, negotiations stalled once again, Johnson's face turned to white with colourful streaks. You would have thought the transformation was complete, but it was only the beginning.
When the COVID-19 pandemic broke in Britain, the Tory government's lack of an effective response caused Johnson to start wearing a t-shirt with all the colours of the rainbow, pants that featured stars and moons and orange suspenders. The economic havoc that accompanied the pandemic has caused his shoes to elongate and make odd slapping noises when he walks. Now, the transformation is complete.
However did we win the war?
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIFLQSM5WAVCIA0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s119/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/
DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=21213]
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