Thank you, Foozleberry Axelrod and the Turnip of Destiny, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we realized that we had gotten through most of the Labour Day long weekend without thinking about going to the Canadian National Exhibition. It had been something we had looked forward to since we were children; it marked the end of summer better than any stupid old calendar.
Sure, the Ex had long devolved into a parade of crass consumerism and cute dogs. The Foods of the World had long ago been replaced by the Foods of the Cheap Chain Restaurants. And, if it comes to that, we never won a stuffed Spongebob doll that we could have bought for a third of the money we spent on the games, and we didn't always keep the food building fare down on the rides. The more we thought about it, the more we wondered why we had always gotten so excited about going to the CNE in the first place.
Then, we started reading reports that the CNE might not survive the pandemic. Man, COVID is ruining everything!
Enjoy,Incident Tells You All You Need To Know About The Current State Of The Trump Administration
At least four boats sank at an event promoted as a Trump Boat Parade, the Sheriff's Office of Travis County, Texas announced. Although there were gusting winds and high swells on Lake Travis, the cause of the boats sinking was not immediately clear.
"The boats didn't sink," White House spokesHatchamendmentflouter KellyAnne Conway explained. "They took on Freedom Water and went on a Patriotic Journey to the bottom of the lake!"
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2020Sep05.html]
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Conservative Tries To Have Her Hate And Eat It, Too
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/right-suffers-from-soros-throat/]
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It's Like Trying To Convince A Mongoose To Flip A Downtown Apartment Using A Spatula, Only Completely Different
As the good book says: "He who lives by the analogy shall die by the analogy." Yes, that is a modern translation - if you do not agree with it, feel free to read the bible in the original Klingon.
According to Christian activist Scott Lively, wearing face masks to stop the spread of COVID-19 is like Muslims forcing women to wear head scarfs. Because no Muslim woman has ever agreed to wear one - a man like Lively knows that! And, hey, it's not at all like Orthodox Jewish women being forced to wear head scarfs because...because...shut up! Blasphemer!
Wearing face masks is also, according to Lively, like Nazis forcing Jews to wear the yellow star. Of course, Jews aren't the only ones being asked to wear face masks; everybody is. And, the yellow star marked people for oppression and death, while mandating the wearing of face masks is an attempt to keep people alive. Other than that, the analogy is perfect because...because...shut up! You're going to hell for this!
In the basket of deplorables, trying to keep people healthy and alive is a form of totalitarianism. The only saving grace to people who do not support public health by wearing masks is that the problem tends to be self-correcting...
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Sure - Put Enough Packets In Your Mouth And You Won't Be Able To Eat Anything You Shouldn't
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1373332495]
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Probably Just As Well - Milking Bees Can Be A Difficult (Not To Mention Painful) Undertaking
A study conducted by the Australian Harry (Not Marlin) Perkins Institute of Medical Research has found that honeybee venom can kill breast cancer cells. It is also possible that a combination of honeybee venom and traditional therapies such as chemo can reduce forms of breast cancer that the venom alone cannot cure.
This is fantastic news. At least, it would be if bees weren't disappearing in such great numbers...
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1724H3EC-2C745-20K5-AAA1582614B711711]
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Probably The Best Approach When You're Forced To Eat Crow
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Some Speech Is More Compelling Than Others
The Ford government is planning to appeal a ruling by the Ontario Supreme Court that all cabinet ministers must wear a sticker on their head while conducting business at Queen's Park that reads, "Provincial government misinformation will cost everybody."
"This...this...this is compelled speech!" Premier Ford sputtered in outrage. "Freedom of speech not only means that you should be able to say whatever you want, but that nobody can force you to say anything you don't want to say!"
The Supreme Court smirked and ruled: "Well, exactly."
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=310088]
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Cooties Is Transmitted By Touch - You Would Think A Medical Expert Would Know That
The Grey House is pumping the propaganda mill as fast as it can grind its axes.
First, President Ronald McDruhitmumpf's new medical adviser, Scott Atlaschuggedandfrugged, whose experience with infectious diseases ended when he got herpes when he was 17, said that COVID-19 was as serious for children as a case of the cooties. "And, there are no recorded instances of children infecting adults with cooties!"
In fact, adults do get cooties, They just call it, "Tuberculosis."
Then, Reduhblican Senator Joni Noteverinernst claimed that the number of people who have contracted the coronavirus has been inflated by doctors to rake in fees. What about the hundreds of front line medical workers who have died fighting the disease? "They're just drama queens who got a little carried away!"
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32442641387641314612fx]
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