The Daily Me - Freddy Lowless

Thank you, Freddy Lowless, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we had to recognize that we were in the habit of licking our fingers. Finger licking was what we did. We were finger lickers. When we ate barbecued chicken wings? It was an orgy of finger licking!

Only, now we sanitize our hands whenever we go out. Hand sanitizing is what we do. We're hand sanitizers. Only, hand sanitizer, bitter and unhealthy, tastes like rat poison. Or, our third marriage. The first 37 times we licked our fingers after sanitizing our hands, we thought for sure we would have to get our stomachs pumped. Or, find a way to pay more alimony. Or, both. We're well aware of our finger licking now, and we're sure we'll li - kick the habit soon. Very soon.

People say this coronavirus thing is bad, but it's helping us break habits we didn't even know we had!

Have You Ever Noticed That The People Who Complain About Erase Culture The Most Are The Ones Whose Opinions You Never Seem Able To Avoid?

People want to remove statues of famous Canadians from prominent places around the country just because the men they portray were "racist." Can you believe that? They want to erase our heritage! It's...it's erase culture gone crazy!

Erase culture? I, uhh, I'll come up with something better later.

They say children can be taught the country's heritage in high school history class. As if! You really think a bunch of horny teenagers are gonna pay attention in history class? Did you ever take history class? They're gonna be daydreaming about getting to second base with Betty-Lou Bretton-Woods during the Indian-themed sock hop on Saturday! Teaching them about the country's heritage in history class is the best way to ensure that they will never remember it!

They say teaching heritage in high school allows the students to appreciate its context. Pfft! Context! A twenty foot statue of a man in military gear on a rearing horse gives a person all the context they need! Erase that, pal!

Henh - erase culture. It's kinda growing on me...

SOURCE: Toronto Startle

[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1588591831473
&call_pageid=968895278492&col=968457972154]
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REMEMBER: There IS A Yoho In Yahoo

Oh, my goodness, Florida Republican Representative Ted Yoho, where to begin? This apology - no, that's too strong a word - attempt at a vague expression of remorse - no, even that overstates the case - wild stab at self-justification that uses the word "apology" as though you knew what it meant, even though it is clear that you do not - this that last thing is almost as reprehensible as the statement it purports to atone for.

That would be calling Democratic Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a "ferking beeyotch" (only without the television cutesieness) on the steps of the capitol building.

Okay, let's just jump right in. The abruptness of the conversation was not the issue, it was the language used. Having been married for 45 years and having two daughters makes you aware of language? So, those of us who have never been married have no teacup of how to matriculate vestments? I mean, idea of how to use words? Seriously?

Having been married for a long time and had daughters is no guarantee of respect for women. If we have learned nothing from The Handmaid's Tale, we have surely learned that!

You apologize if other people misunderstood what you said? So, can I apologize for the fact that you have your head stuck up your ass...ets in the Basket of Deplorables? No? You can't really apologize on behalf of other people, especially when you were the one who engaged in the offensive behaviour? Thanks for setting me right on that.

As for your love of god, you may want to choose your words more carefully...

SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism

[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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So Many Glass Houses, So Many Stones!

SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site

[http://endingtrending.blurgh/a-rock-and-a-transparently-right-wing-place/]
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Fourteen Men Out (And Counting...)

Sports are back! Sports are back! Sports are back! Sports are back! Sports are -

Can you tell that I'm excited?

I missed the battle between pitcher and hitter, the crack of the bat, the thrill of watching the ball head for the cheap seats hundreds of feet away. I even missed the watered down beer and getting popcorn spilled on my head.

Good times.

Then, two days into play, 14 Florida Marlins were diagnosed with COVID-19, and the team was sidelined.

I mean, sure, I knew it was going to be a short season, but I never imagined…!

SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report

[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#57008188465]
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Q-Anon (Anon...Anon...)

Have you ever seen a conspiracy theory on the Internet and thought to yourself, I would never be able to come up with something so unhinged. So at odds with reality it's positively deranged. So...incredibly awesome!

Good news, bucko: now you can!

Just play with the Random Q-Anon Conspiracy Generator, and you'll be filling a social network near you with nonsensical but serious-sounding memes in no time!

Random Q-Anon Conspiracy Generator

Simply roll an eleven-sided die for each of the four categories, then plug the results into a sentence like: [WHO] [WHAT] [TO WHOM] in/at/around the neighbourhood of a/the [WHERE]. Add a little personalization such as "Did you know..." or "Hey, I just heard..." or "Everybody's talking about..." and watch the Facebook or Twitter views skyrocket!

Hey, did you hear that Adam Schiff severely beat kittens right in the Constitution? I believe it! I'll believe anything created by the Random Q-Anon Conspiracy Generator!

SOURCE: Frank's Fourth In Line To Be The Ultimate Conspiracy Page

[http://www.ignorefrankatyourperil.com/conspiracy2312.html]
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