Thank you, Mr. Times Mann, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we were awoken at 7:32 am by the blaring of a foghorn. This was odd, because we live several kilometres inland. A little investigation showed that the sound was not a foghorn, but a leaf blower. A leaf blower - the bane of suburbia. A leaf blower - because it's vital that fallen leaves and stray blades of cut grass become mulch for the concrete street beyond our oh so pristine lawns. A leaf blower - because sleeping past 7:32 is unacceptable in this hyper-competitive society.
As we turned over to go back to sleep, we resolved to track the person behind the leaf blower down and express our outrage in the most forceful way possible: by politely asking them never to blow leaves so early in the morning again.
Because that's the Toronto way.
Enjoy,Even as he has fomented a trade war with China and blamed that country for the spread of the coronavirus, President Trump has envied them their national ability to forget unpleasant truths. For example, the country is opening up its economy even though COVID-19 is still very much spreading there, not out of indifference, but out of forgetfulness of just how deadly the virus is.
"It's like that guy," President Trump told a rally in some doomed city in the south. "In that movie. The one who couldn't make short term memories? I think it was called...Memory, or something. A whole country of Alzheimer's patients. Wouldn't that be something? Xi Xinping waves his hand, and it's like all that death never happened. I wave my hand, and the press - the lying press - the press that hoaxes like hoaxing was going out of style - they say - you know who I'm talking about - of course, you do - they say I'm fanning the air to send the virus towards other people. Like I would do such a thing! I'm a saint! Everybody says so. The Pope says so - and, he would know! Although, now that you mention it, I might do that to Nancy Pelosi. Just a little bit. Or, Crooked Hillary. Yeah, definitely Crooked Hillary. Let's lock her up...in a medical facility for the rest of her life! Or, Joe Scarborough. Or just about everybody in the media. And everybody in the Democrat Party. But, other than that, I wouldn't wish the virus on my worst enemy!"
When told about the President's rambling rant - his ramblanting - Premier Xi shrugged and said, "If he wanted to know the secret hand wave, all he had to do was ask..."
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1106749800263461.xml]
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Demanding. Single-minded. Firm. Pushy, Even
Ian Holm has died at the age of 88 of an illness related to Parkinson's Disease.
Holm won the Laurence Olivier Award as best actor for his portrayal of the title character of Shakespeare's King Lear on the London sta - OMG - it's Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins! He played Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit!
Well, yes. He did. He was also a favourite of playwright Harold Pinter. He originated the role of Lenny in The Homecoming, winning a Tony Award when the play moved to Broadwa - Who cares‽ He played Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit! He was the title character in a Tolkien adaptation! Suck on that, Harold Pinter!
Ah. Okay. Very well, then. What about Sidney Lumet's Night Falls on Manhattan?
The Hobbit! The Hobbit! The Hobbit!
How about his role in Atom Egoyan's The Sweet Hereafter?
Hobbit! Hobbit! Hooooooobiiiiiiiittttt!
Sigh. Mostly, Holm was known for playing the hobbit Bilbo Baggins in the adaptations of J. R. R. Tolkien's Lord of the Rings trilogy, and its prequel, The Hobbit. Fans of Tolkien's work can be so...determined...
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Irony So Bitter It Could Curdle Your Brain
Irony (noun): a state of affairs or an event that seems deliberately contrary to what one expects. EXAMPLE: "The CEO of the Canadian Museum for Human Rights has resigned following recent allegations of systemic racism, discrimination and claims of sexual harassment at the Winnipeg facility."
SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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That's When It All Wente South
Former Globe and Mail columnist Margaret Wente is now a former member of the Quadrangle Society of Massey College at the University of Toronto. The Quadrangle Society, a mentorship programme for an increasingly diverse student body, was deemed not the place for Wente's alleged plagiarism and hostility towards minorities.
"Et tu, Brute?" Wente commented. After a moment, she added: "No retreat, no surrender!" A bit more reflection later, she continued: "We shall fight on the beaches. We shall fight on the landing grounds. We shall fight in the fields and in the streets. We shall fight in the - oh, why do I even bother? My brilliance is wasted on people!"
SOURCE: The Chronicle of Lower Education
[http://lowerchronicle.com/weekly/v67/i13/36a02601.htm]
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TANJERINE (There Ain't No Justice, Ever, Regulartus Indicarium, Never Ever)
President Ronald McDruhitmumpf has given Jared "Of All Portfolios, Master of None" Kushkushinthebush a new task: checking the obituaries on a daily basis. What is he looking for? Notice that an Extreme Court justice has died.
Having a majority of justices on the Extreme Court was supposed to give Reduhblicans the opportunity to overturn laws they didn't like. However, it hasn't worked out that way. The latest example is the smiting (not an entirely inappropriate term given the Court's religious drift) of a Louisiexas law that would have restricted abortion in the state to nothing. Which is more of a total ban than a restriction, but, hey, lawyers, ammirite?
Reduhblican appointee Chief Justice John Robalthomkenlia sided with the leftish majority, but only on a technicality: that the Louisiexas law was photocopied from a Texiana law that was rejected by the Extreme Court four years ago. "Change a few words," Robalthomkenlia wrote for the majority. "Add some illustrations - hand draw them in if you have to. Make it sufficiently different that it doesn't conflict with the previous precedent. Is that really so much to ask?"
Apparently, for this Grey House it is. So, obit watch it is.
"Considering that this is in service of overturning Roeliodingdong v. Watuhfouriday in the name of the 'right to life,'" commented Nancy Northfourfivehuphup, chief executive of the Centre for Reproductive Rights, "obituary duty seems a little...gruesome. Keep in mind that it's coming from an administration that is willing to kill its own supporters to keep the economy going!
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32377741314600314333fx]
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