Thank you, Shanna "Shanana" Banana, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we heard that June 20th was going to be national "No Mask Day." Breathing a sigh of relief, we said to ourselves, "Whew! We finally licked...we mean, beat the coronavirus! We...we haven't heard of a vaccine being created that cures COVID-19. Still, going out in public without masks means that social distancing has worked and there are few new cases of - what? That's not what it means? But, surely, the spread of the disease must have - I mean - nobody in their right mind would -
Oh, wait. It's actually a bunch of dumbass deplorables unilaterally declaring a day not to wear masks with no evidence that things are getting better, isn't it?
America is so doomed.
Enjoy,I See Your Point, But Your History Is My Tragedy
I doubt that many people waking up in the town of Caligula, strolling along Caligula St. in Toronto or farming the land in Caligula County could tell you who Caligula was.
Gaius Julius "Caligula" Germanicus was a cruel and quite likely insane Roman Emperor. For this reason, a small, but surely growing, number of people now say that Caligula St. in Toronto, named because it took you to the town of Caligula, must be renamed.
My initial reaction to such calls is to bristle at the idea that we will erase history rather than learn from it. I would rather there were more places named after Julius Caesar than Caligula, but sadly that isn't the case.
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2005/01/22/509727.html]
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You've Never Gone Ballistic?
Lucky For Your Neighbours
North Korea blew up an inter-Korean liaison office building just north of the heavily armed border with South Korea. Although largely symbolic, it does appear to be a provocation in the middle of nuclear talks intended to fend off a possible war.
Jeez Louise - when I'm fighting with my boyfriend, the worst I ever do is change the locks!
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
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Black Images Matter
INT. RETIREMENT HOME - DAY
AUNT JEMIMA (129, dark skin, round features) and UNCLE BEN (77, dark skin, bald) sit in rocking chairs on the porch of an old colonial house. Aunt Jemima is sipping iced tea from a tall glass. Uncle Ben fiddles with his bow tie for a few seconds.
UNCLE BEN: You must admit, it was a good run...
AUNT JEMIMA: I AIN'T READY TO RETIRE!
Long pause.
UNCLE BEN: Times change. Taste in corporate logos changes. It's the nature of the universe of marketing.
AUNT JEMIMA: I AIN'T READY TO RETIRE!
A NURSE walks out the front door of the house.
NURSE: Is everything okay out here?
AUNT JEMIMA: I AIN'T READY TO RETIRE!
UNCLE BEN: (hastily) Everything's fine, Bill. Jemima...she just needs a little time, is all. This is a big adjustment for her.
AUNT JEMIMA: I DON'T NEED TIME TO ADJUST! I NEED MY JOB!
Nurse eyes her warily.
UNCLE BEN: Don't worry. I'll watch her until she calms down. She'll be fine.
Nurse looks at his watch.
NURSE: Okay. Lunch in 20 minutes, then Bingo.
Nurse reluctantly goes back into the house.
UNCLE BEN: Jemmy -
AUNT JEMIMA: I already lost weight for them'uns! A lot of weight - it completely changed my face! What more do they want from me?
UNCLE BEN: They want images of black people that don't play to white stereotypes. You know when we were born, and what we represent. It's time to let go, to let a new generation of corporate logos - a generation more in tune with the times - take over.
AUNT JEMIMA: (softening) But...what will I do?
UNCLE BEN: You'll play Bingo with the rest of us. (lowers voice) You gotta watch that Mrs. Butterworth like a hawk - the bitch cheats like nobody's business!
AUNT JEMIMA: O...okay.
UNCLE BEN: Great! (rises) Come on. Let's go in and get us some lunch.
AUNT JEMIMA: (muttering) Fine! But, it better not be pancakes...!
SOURCE: Weekends!
[http://www.nobc.com/Weekends/video/play.shtml?mea=227703]
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Why Do So Many People In The Basket Of Deplorables Smile?
Do They Know Something We Don't?
If They Do, How Grateful Should We Be?
In the Basket of Deplorables, there is no reality that cannot be waved away with a flick of the rhetorical tongue. (A rhetorical tongue is one you can use with a knife to eat a steak.) Where you and I may see a spike in COVID-19 infections as a public health crisis that requires a political response, Texas Governor Greg Abbott sees it as an opportunity to practice his old manism and, shaking his fist at the sky, yell at young people to get off the lawn of bars. Or, something.
The funny thing about this ("funny" not so much in the sense of laughing out loud as in the sense of a nasty smell coming from the back of the fridge) is that until recently, people of any age were not allowed to congregate in bars. This has only been possible since the State of Texas lifted lockdown restrictions.
The State of Texas. You know, the State run by Greg Abbott?
Lifting health restrictions, then blaming people for getting sick is kind of like demanding people behind the wheel wear blindfolds, then blaming drivers for getting into more accidents.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Is This Still Ontario?
SOURCE: Billy-Bob's International House O' Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1322535748]
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Police Tentacle Porn - The 27th Most Popular On The Internet!
According to the lawyer for the police officer who fatally shot Rayshard Brooks, "Fearing for his safety, and the safety of the civilians around him, Officer Rolfe dropped his taser and fired his service weapon at the only portion of Mr. Brooks that presented to him - Mr. Brooks' back."
When asked why the officer feared for his life, the lawyer continued, "He was afraid that at any moment tentacles would grow out of Mr. Brooks' back, wrap firmly around his arms and shoulders and repeatedly throw him 20 feet in the air and slam him into the ground."
When asked if Japanese anime was the best basis for modern policing techniques, the lawyer answered, "Why don't we let a jury decide?"
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2020Jun17.html]
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