Thank you, Margart Tenisha, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we were intrigued by the Hong Kong ice cream shop that supported the pro-democracy movement by offering a tear gas flavour. We imagine that it tastes like vanilla and despair, but, given that the active ingredient is black peppercorns, lots and lots of black peppercorns, we suspect it tastes more like gagging with a sidenote of serious respiratory irritation. This doesn't strike us as an effective method of raising money for a cause, but we're big fans of Brazilian Blackboot Crunch (dark chocolate mixed with peanuts, cashews, almonds and crushed truncheon), so what do we know?
Enjoy,You Can Never Be Sure What Will Happen When You Provoke Journalism's TorStartle Reflex
TorStartle Corporation, which publishes the Toronto Startle, has been sold to a private company called Nordstar Capital. As readers will probably know, the newspaper industry has gone through many changes in the last - what? This chair? I'm working on a - okay. Okay, I can write the editorial standing up. Take the chair.
The newspaper industry has gone through many changes in the last couple of decades, changes which threaten the viability of print journalism. We believe that the infusion of capital that we will get from taking the company private will ensure the long-term - what? No, I need the desk! Seriously, can't you take the filing cabinet - where the hell did the filing cabinet go? Alright. Fine, take the damn desk! I...I'll sit on the floor and write.
Taking the company private will ensure the long-term health of our newspapers. And, the company that will be taking TorStartle over has assured us that - oof! Hey! I was sitting against that divider! They have assured us that nothing at the company will change. So, you can expect us to continue to publish the Toronto Startle with the sam
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=6088591631816
&call_pageid=668335678496&col=668666972156]
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Just Another Typical He Said/Other He Said Situation
President Donald Trump said far-left groups, including radicals from Antifa, were inciting unrest across the United States and dishonouring the memory of George Floyd, the black man who died in police custody on Monday. However, it seems that the vast majority of the chaos ensuing yesterday and last night was instigated not by those most affected by this crime, by black people, but rather by white people who have absolutely no business pulling any of that shit.
"The memory of George Floyd is being dishonoured by rioters, looters and anarchists. The violence and vandalism is being led by Antifa and other radical left-wing groups who are terrorizing the innocent, destroying jobs, hurting business and burning down buildings," the President said. "John Harrington, commissioner of the Minnesota Department of Public Safety, said there were approximately 40 arrests across St. Paul and Minneapolis on Friday night. He said some of those protesting had been linked to white supremacist groups and organized crime."
SOURCE: 24 Hour News Mashups
[http://politicalmashups.seeblogspotrun.com/]
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Treating Workers Like Human Beings Just Too Much Of A Hassett For This Administration
You know how when, in sitcoms, somebody says something embarrassing and then says, "Did I say that out loud?" everybody around them rolls their eyes in a "Yes, you did, you big goofy lug" kind of way and the audience laughs uproariously? Well, President Trump and the people around him have those moments all of the time. But they don't ask, "Did I say that out loud?" And, nobody's laughing.
White House economic adviser Kevin Hassett recently had a "Did I say that out loud?" moment. When he spoke about "human capital stock" he was talking about workers. You know, human beings. People with names, names like Ralph Malph and Shecky Podesta and Eliza Fortunato. Okay, maybe not Eliza Fortunato - that's just silly. But, you get the point. "Capital stock" is people, with hopes and dreams and mortgages on homes in the suburbs, which pretty much killed their hopes and dreams, but they have to go on living anyway because it beats the alternative.
You know. People.
Hassett was just echoing the President's rhetoric about putting the country back to work, of course. And, he wasn't entirely wrong: a lot of people are having financial difficulty because the businesses that employed them have been closed for the lockdown, and would love to get back to work. But, trust an economist to express this idea in the most dehumanizing way possible.
There is a reason The Dismal Science has its own gated community in the Basket of Deplorables.
SOURCE: Karl's Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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On The Other Hand, They'd Cheer If He Stayed There
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/spelling-huckabee-freeforall/]
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It's Easier To See Eye To Eye With Some People When You're 733 Kilometres Apart
United States President Donald Trump said, "I'd like to keep the Canada/US border closed for the time being. You know, for safety reasons and stuff."
Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau responded, "Like, ohmygod, I totes get what you're saying. Let's keep that border closed!"
And, the love affair continues!
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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And, The Moral Of The Story Is: Make War, Not Love
European football - which is like North American football, except the violence is in the stands instead of on the field where it belongs - appears to be having trouble adjusting to the COVID-19 lockdown. In a game against Gwanghu FC, South Korean club FC Seoul had the idea to fill the stands with mannequins so the players wouldn't feel as though they they were playing in an empty stadium. Unfortunately, the only mannequins they could find were sex dolls.
The players were distracted by all the frilly underwear and accessories (whips and vibrators were very popular) that could be seen throughout the stadium. (This has nothing to do with the fact that the score ended up being 1-0 - European football just works that way.) People watching the game at home complained that they could see dolls in the back rows of the stadium doing unspeakable things to each other with concession hot dogs.
"That's just prejudice," stated Kenji Otaka, a representative of the South Korean Union of Sex Doll Workers. "Sex dolls work just as hard as fashion mannequins, but for far less pay and with a darker social stigma. Think of all of the pleasure we gave to the players on the field - would a regular mannequin have been able to do that?"
Would a regular mannequin have wanted to?
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#56448127669]
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