Which Works Out, Because The Land Is Not Sure It Wants to Welcome Quotes Back Anyway

So...You're Planning On Banning Circumcision?
I Wonder What The Old Testament Has To Say About That...

"Senator Kamala Harris said she would change the dietary guidelines of this country to reduce the amount of red meat that Americans can eat. Well, I've got some red meat for you: we're not going to let Joe Biden and Kamala Harris cut America's meat!" - Vice President Mike Pence

It's Like Game Of Thrones Without The Dragons...Or Moments Of Grace

"We all watch in horror and consternation what's going on in the United States." - Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau

Trump Supporter, Right-wing Activist, Virginia Woolfe Wannabe

"A virus is a virus is a virus." - August Savello

TV Executive Clearly Unclear On The Concept Of "Metaphor"

"In His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman talks about oppression. He talks about the control of information. He talks about the falsification of information. And, he chooses the form of the Magisterium, which is a fantastical organization which includes church and state, and a Byzantine organization, to do it. There is no direct contrast with any contemporary religious organization for His Dark Materials." - Jane Trantor, Executive Producer of HBO's TV adaptation of His Dark Materials

You Thought He Was An Anarchist, But He's Actually An Existentialist
The President's Thoughts Run Shallow

"They are dying, that's true. And...it is what it is." - President Donald Trump, responding to criticism of his government's handling of the coronavirus pandemic

It's The End Of The World As We Know It, And I Feel Fined

"Somehow, a public health crisis has been twisted into a public order crisis." - Canadian Civil Liberties Association Executive-Director Michael Bryant on a study showing millions of COVID-related fines being issued by municipalities

You've Got To Aaaaccentuate The...Positive - The Negative? - Umm...One Of The Two...Probably...

"I tested very positively in a - in another sense. So, this morning, yeah - I tested positively toward negative, right? So, no, I tested perfectly this morning. Meaning - meaning I tested negative. But that's a way of saying it: Positively toward the negative." - Donald Trump

That's Not Accurate
He Naps Like A Toddler And Tweets Like A Teenager, Too

"Trump has the understanding of a fifth or sixth grader." - Jim Mattis

And, Look At Her Now

Where Is She Now?

"I would write the answers on arms, hands and legs. I never did one academic exam that I wasn't cheating in... But I still failed. I still failed everything." - Sharon Osbourne

That Must Have Been A Days Of Our Lives-worthy Reconciliation!

"Trump is a racebaiting, xenophobic bigot." - Lindsey Graham

The Book Of Moron, Chapter Seven, Verse Yuck

"You can quote me on this. When the good lord calls you home, a mask ain't going to stop it." - Dwayne "Duke" Bruckner, who is challenging Lindsey Graham for a Senate seat

The Kind Of Pep Talk That Makes People Want To Hide Under Their Bed And Never Come Out

"It's important in pandemic times to not think about ‘safe' and ‘unsafe' - it's all about levels of risk. Anything you do poses a risk, whether it's grocery shopping or going for a walk." - professor of food microbiology at Rutgers University Donald Shaffner

"He Probably Thinks World War Six Is The Next One," National Security Adviser John Bolton Responds

"If I listened to him, we would be in World War Six by now." - President Donald Trump tweeting about former National Security Adviser John Bolton

Remember McKay's Law: Any Statement That Begins "I'm Not...But..." Is The Statement Of Somebody Who Is

"I'm not excusing the racism, but I don't know if her life needed to be torn apart." - Christian Cooper on Amy Cooper's videotaped racial attack on the Central Park birder, which led to internet scorn and the loss of her high level finance job

Because Helping Those Who Are Badly Off Is A Disincentive For Parliament To Work

"Why is it that as soon as you start to dig yourself out, the government takes everything away from you? It's high time this was changed." - John Stapleton, social policy expert, on the clawback of benefits for UI recipients who try to work

It's Good To Know Stalkers Have Higher Standards Than Many Politicians

"It just occurred out of the other services that I had sent there, mainly the prostitutes. I never intentionally sent drug dealers." - Loren Okamura, who pleaded guilty to cyberstalking a Utah family from his home in Hawaii for a year by sending them food deliveries, repair workers, tow trucks, locksmiths, plumbers and escorts

What Was I Just Saying About The Low Standards Of Politicians?

"I will tell you, Christianity is under tremendous siege, whether we want to talk about it or we don't want to talk about it... If I'm there, you're going to have plenty of power. You don't need anybody else You're going to have somebody representing you very, very well. Remember that." - candidate Donald Trump giving a speech at Dordt University, a Christian school

Oh, Yeah - All The Books On Organizations Say You Only Need Strong Leadership When Everything Is Going Well

"I think people are too messed up right now. I don't think it matters who's president." - Yara Cabrera, a teacher in Phoenix, Arizona

Add Minister Of Self-delusion To Her Portfolio

"I have confidence...that we'll be able to find a way forward with the opposition parties, who also recognize that this is an ongoing public health and economic crisis." - Carla Qualtrough, Minister of Employment, Workforce Development and Disability Inclusion, on extending CERB by another four weeks

God Is A Big Boy - He Can Take It
On The Other Hand, He's Never Been Fond Of Being Mentioned In The Same Sentence As Guns...

"He's following the radical left agenda: take away your guns, destroy your Second Amendment, no religion, no anything, hurt the Bible, hurt God. He's against God, he's against guns." - President Trump on Democratic Presidential candidate Joe Biden

That Was The Day He Stopped Being Cool

Okay, He's Ryan Reynolds - He'll Never NOT Be Cool
So, Let's Do What He Says...

"I hope young people in B.C. don't kill my mum, frankly. Let's not kill anyone. I think that's reasonable." - Ryan Reynolds urges young Canadians in his home province to stop partying and be safe