Thank you, the cockroach, the corkscrew, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we got sick and tired of young people whining about how the planet we're leaving them is a mess ecologically and financially. As we shook our fist at them and told them that they should be grateful for what they have, we realized that we had turned into our parents. With one difference: our parents left us a world where we could expect to have better lives than they did; we're leaving our children a world where their lives are going to be worse than ours.
You're welcome.
Enjoy,The Smallest Of Mercies
You know the country is in bad shape when you're grateful for coverage of the cornavirus because it means you won't have to hear about the Democratic Presidential leadership race for a while.
SOURCE: Cohan
[http://teamcoho.com/video/opening-monologue-03-06-20]
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The Liberal Media are making a big deal about the President blaming the stock market decline on the Democratic Presidential candidates debate. They're saying that it's not possible because the market lost 1,000 points before the debate took place. Oh, cry me a break! Have they never heard of...of...of time travel‽ Key traders went forward six hours to see what was going to happen at the debate, and were appalled by the Communist...bs that they heard there, so they went back to their present with a major sell order. It ain't rocket science, people! It is science of some kind...I guess...I don't know! Do I look like an egghead to you‽
SOURCE: Rush Limburger Home Page
[http://www.rushlimburger.com/home/daily/site_062904/content/truth_distorter.hostile_enemy.html]
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Which Just Goes To Prove That When You've Won Multiple Oscars, You Can Make Whatever Films You Want
Who is Killing the Great Yuru-Charas of Japan?It was a great time to be a yuru-chara: tourism was booming, and it seemed like every city in Japan wanted a colourful mascot to attract people. But, that was then. Now, with foreign money drying up, somebody sees the yuru-chara as an expensive liability, and is killing them off one at a time.
A hardened detective, Shomei Immamura, must team up with roshicam, a yuru-chara in the shape of a mouse with a skyscraper on its back that features a ramen restaurant on the first floor, who is desperate to survive. Will they uncover the culprit before the entire yuru-chara population is destroyed?
SOURCE: Imaginary Movie Database
[http://www.imd.com/title/tt0179365/]
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Methinks They Doth Say Neigh Too Much
We have decided not to cover the Democratic primaries to see who will run against Donald Trump in November as a horse race. Focusing too much on who is ahead and who is falling behind takes attention away from the issues that are of greatest concern to the American people.
So, we will not be reporting on how former Mayor Pete Buttigieg and Senator Amy Klobachar dropping out of the race will boost former Vice Persident Joe Biden's chances of winning. We will not talk about whether Michael Bloomberg leaving the race was inevitable when he won so few delegates on Super Tuesday. We won't be covering how close the race has gotten between Biden and Bernie Sanders, and we definitely won't be writing about how those candidates' popularity in the black community, whose votes are vital to victory, has shifted over the course of the -
Dammit!
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2020Mar03.html]
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Audiences Certainly Are
The latest Bond, James Bond film, the last to feature Daniel Craig as England's erstwhile secret agent, has been pushed back from April to November. The reason given is that people will stay home for fear of catching the coronavirus, causing the film to make less money than it ordinarily would.
Looks like producers are taking the title No Time to Die a little too seriously...
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2020/2020/03/01/annabananafeefiefofannapack/]
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The Eye For An Eye World Blinding Tour Continues
Riots across India are happening at protests against the right wing governmernt of Narendra Modi, which, among other things, put Jammu and Kashmir, India's only Muslim majority state, on lockdown and stripped it of its semi-autonomous status, and is planning on constructing a Hindu temple on the site of a mosque demolished by Hindu nationalists in 1992. Critics of the western response to the rioting condemning the Modi government have argued where were they when the governments of countries like Bangladesh and Pakistan persecuted Hindus?
You're persecuting me! You persecuted me first! Who do they think they are: the Middle East?
SOURCE: The Smarmian
[http://www.thesmarmian.com/world/2020/mar/05/hindu-you-love]
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Spotify surprised a million subscribers this week when it sent them a message telling them that they were Ted Nugent's biggest fan.
"I don't get it," said the Tech Answer Guy. "How can a million people be an artist's biggest fan? I'm not great at math, but I would think that only one or at most two hundred thousand people could be a musician's biggest fan."
"I've never listened to Ted Ruderent," said Spotify user Alison Allamagordo. "I don't even know who he is, really. Unless...I let my mother use my account a couple of years ago. Could she...have - MOOOOOOOOM!"
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/110711/geeklynews/01paddyskylarkehahaha.htm]
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President Donald Trump has suggested on at least 27 occasions that he won't leave office after his term ends. How do his supporters feel about that?
"Yeah! President 4 Life! President 4 Life!"
"He's the bestest president a country could ever have! Let's face it: they should retire the position when he leaves because nobody is ever going to be as good as he is!"
"I'm not worried about it. President Obama said he wouldn't leave office after his term ended at least 127 times, and where is he now? Hell, George Washington said he wouldn't leave office after his term was over at least...a million times. Seriously, it was in every one of his speeches - sometimes he repeated it, he loved the idea so much. And, where is he now? So, no, I'm not worried."
It must be nice to live in your own reality.
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2020/ALLPOLITICS/03/02/reps.main/index.html]
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