The Daily Me - Whack-a-Mole-a-Doodle

Thank you, Whack-a-Mole-a-Doodle, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we heard somewhere that to avoid getting the coronavirus, you should wash your hands for 20 seconds. But, how do you measure the time when you can't take out your phone for fear of contaminating it with the virus? (We really miss the days of wristwatches, but millennials make jokes about rotary phones and race riots whenever we mention it, so forget we mentioned it.) We heard from a different somewhere that singing "Happy Birthday" twice lasted about 20 seconds. So, we tried it.

Unfortunately, we sang the version Marilyn Monroe sang to President John F. Kennedy. Forty minutes later, our fingers were so pruney they could keep a home with a dozen seniors regular for a week! Worse: a couple of lawyers from Warner/Chappell appeared in the bathroom and served us a cease and desist order, demanding that we either pay $100 for the rights to the song or stop singing it immediately. How did they know? How did they know? Did the mirror rat us out? Yeah, we never really trusted the mirror in the bathroom...

Have you ever noticed how quickly life can get weird?

Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff

Tonight We're Gonna Party Like It's 1929

There's a Lot of it Going Around

From your life you may find something missing
If you practice "social distancing."
Sure, your social life is bound to take a hit,
But deep down inside you know it's true, some
People are going to experience a death that's gruesome -
How badly do you want to avoid it?

Being housebound getting you down?
Don't worry - there's a lot of it going around.

When a loved one starts to hacking,
That's the time to send them packing -
Where's a bloody ice floe when you need one?
You, of course, will live forever,
If those other...jerks will just get it together.
You've always known a bad situation when you seed one.

Go ahead, resent not being able to go out on the town.
You're not alone - there's a lot of it going around.

It's a principle that could have been written on papyrus:
Somebody has to be blamed for the spread of the virus.
With Covid-19, the stupid money's on China.
Don't be surprised to witness
Attacks on Chinese people and business.
Is it really their fault? No way, not even kinda.

Dumbfounded that compassion is thin on the ground?
Surprise! There's a lot of it going around.

It's only natural to want to find fault
When the world economy grinds to a halt
Because stores and factories have to be closed.
Being in large gatherings, whether entertainment or bridal,
Is no longer fun - it's suicidal
So, despite the financial havoc, you can understand why authorities are opposed.

At better retail outlets, fear and panic can be found
For a reasonable price, because there's a lot of it going around.

SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered

[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/811.html]
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Pinball Politics

When he first realized how bad Covid-19 could be, "I started doing the closings." - President Donald Trump on why he began denying entry to people who had visited China in the two weeks before they sought entry into the United States in early February

 "One of my people came up to me and said, 'Mr. President, they tried to beat you on Russia, Russia, Russia.' That did not work out too well. They could not do it. They tried the impeachment hoax. ...They tried anything. ...And this is their new hoax." - President Trump explaining to the American people at the end of February why they should not take the Covid-19 virus seriously

 "I've always known this is a real - this is a pandemic. I've felt it was a pandemic long before it was called a pandemic." - President Trump explaining in March that he had always taken the Covid-19 virus seriously

SOURCE: No Comment Quotes

[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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There's No Mask That Can Stop The Spread Of Hope

YOU'LL WANT: A complete ban on foreigners coming into Canada early enough in the life of a pandemic virus that it stops the spread of the virus in the country before it starts.

YOU'LL SETTLE FOR: A complete ban on foreigners coming into Canada before the pandemic virus has spread so far that it will not flatten the curve of new cases.

YOU'LL GET: A ban on foreigners coming into Canada after the virus has already spread here, with one exception: the country that has had the most incompetent response to it.

SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog

[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
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Since You're Stuck At Home, What Else Do You Have To Do, Really?

We know that the Covid-19 pandemic is of vital concern to all of our readers. However, life has gone on, and we wanted you to be aware of some of the other things that were happening around the world, things that would be news under ordinary circumstances.

There was that country - you know the one - the one with that crazy dictator guy - yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy with the eyes. Yeah, that one. Well, that country is continuing to advance its nuclear weapons programme despite...umm...you know - in the face of, umm, international...things against the country doing...that. It could become a major international crisis...once we are able to pull our attention away from the current international crisis...

In other news, there was that other country - the one in Europe? The one that used to be everybody's friend, but now hates everybody and just wants to be left alone? Yeah, that country. Turns out it really doesn't have a plan for being left alone, even though it has told all the other countries to bugger off in no uncertain terms. This will have...bad - no, terrible - oh, who are we kidding? devastating consequences for...a lot of people. In the country. And in other countries. If there is a world economy left to wreck, this will certainly take a big chunk out of it.

And, then there's...you know. Oh, sure you know. That bad thing that's happening around the world. That other bad thing that's happening around the world. Of course you know! That bad thing that was happening around the world years - decades before the coronavirus pandemic. That's right: that bad thing that's happening around the world. Well, that's still happening.

The world continues. News continues. Stay informed.

SOURCE: Disassociated Press

[http://www.bltdaily.com/]
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