Thank you, Omphile Philebaby Magabe, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, the cat came back! Forty years after the song was recorded, the cat came back! Of course, by this time it was more Pet Semetery than childhood favourite, but...eww! Thanks for spoiling our childhood, Fred Penner!
Enjoy,There's Just No Agreeing With Some People!
You're OK, I'm Ageist
The future is bright, so long as you can afford to hunkerSOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/804.html]
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Think Of It As Starting With A Clean Slade
Playwright and television creator Bernard Slade has died of complications of Lewy body dementia. He was 89. Guess he won't be back same time next year.
SOURCE: Obits 'R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Good To Know He Can Be Impartial
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/yer-outta-there/]
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They Find The Most Interesting Things Entertaining Out West!
The Alberta government is introducing legislation to protect landowners from being sued if they injure someone while using force to defend their property. In the United States, such legislation iss known as "Stand Your Ground" laws; in more laid back Canada, it will be known as "Sit Your Ground, Have A Brewski and Chill" law.
Is the law a way of distracting Albertans from the recent provincial budget, which cut everything from infants' teeth to the cheese? "Budget?" said in/outback farmer Rory MancHoun. "I can shoot people I don't know. Life doesn't get much better than that!
SOURCE: Festerin' Report
[http://www.ax2grindnet.com/festerinreport/web/feature22222.html]
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As One Would Expect From The Environmental Pollution Agency
US regulators have ordered the Keystone pipeline to remain shut down until the cause of a leak, which has flooded the earth with an estimated 1.4 million litres of oil, has been found.
"A world economic system that is run almost exclusively on fossil fuels," TC Energy, formerly known as TransCanada, before that known as...something else that nobody remembers, stated in, appropriately enough, a statement. "There's your culprit right there."
The EPA is expected to allow Keystone to reopen in the next few minutes.
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=527]
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Talk About Fringe Economics!
Quebec plans on investing $30 million in an international consortium sponsoring a new French blimp-maker called Flying Whales. The province is betting on the blimp industry gaining widespread commercial acceptance in the near future.
"I think that the idea is brilliant," said Quebec Security Minister Walternate. "If nothing else, it will make it easier to distinguish this universe's province from the Quebecs in other universes!
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=50ddccd7-f6f3-4f4f-9f25-a2eb4cc6a998]
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The Scariest Person At The Party Was The Person Wearing The President Trump Mask. He Was - What Do You Mean, It Wasn't A Mask?
At a Halloween party at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building in Washington, there was a station where children were encouraged to help "Build the Wall" with their own personalized bricks. Did you hear about this? Kids in costume were given brick-coloured paper cards and told to write their name with a marker on them and tape them to a wall. Some parents were offended by the partisan message, but I think they're too hard on the President. After all, this is one wall that is actually going to get built.
SOURCE: Cohan
[http://teamcoho.com/video/opening-monologue-11-02-19]
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He Should Have Been Fired Long Ago For His Fashion Crimes
What happens when the ringmaster is fired by the circus? Don Cherry just found out.
The fixture of the Canadian sports scene for decades thanks to his Coach's Corner segment during Saturday night hockey games, was fired for ranting about "you people" not wearing poppies to honour Canadian veterans. And, when he said "you people," he wasn't talking about Montreal Canadiens fans!
"We could not, on principle, allow him to continue maligning a growing number of Canadians," said a representative for Sportsnet, which owns the rights to air NHL games under the name Hockey Night in Canada. That principle was, of course, not pissing off sponsors of the broadcast, because, let's be honest, immigrants can drink just as much beer as native-born Canadians.
"It's Justin Trudeau's fault," said Cherry supporter Bernard Bernardini.
"Liberals are destroying everything great about this country," agreed Cherry supporter Marvin "Grasshands" McGurk.
"They let too many of 'you people,' in," Bernardini stated.
"Who people?" McGurk asked.
"You know: you people. You - you people."
"Not me people. Me people came to Canada from the old country in 1967. Land of milk and honey? Please! Land of beer and hockey more like! And we loved it the moment we got here!"
"The other 'you people.' You know: the ones who came here yesterday!"
"Oh. Thoooooose you people."
"Yeah. You people."
"Right. You people."
"I'm not racist."
"Nope. Not racist."
"I just hate people of different races."
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#56247133556]
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