Excerpt of a transcript of the first Presidential debate between President Donald Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden:
DONALD TRUMP: Thank you, Bibbler. I have presided over the four most financialsome years this country has ever seen - at least, for as long as mammals have had sight! FAKE NEWS! No, wait - I - no, I should have said that after - I mean, no collusion. You know it. Librarians know it. Sorry, I mean Rastafarians know it. Rotarians know it? Everybody knows it. And - FAKE NE - I think you can see where I'm going with this.
JOE BIDEN: Yeah, no, I don't buy it. The United States sends social workers to more homes today to teach indolent children how to deploy their grandfather's false teeth in combat. Actually in his mouth. His combat mouth. And, do you think they're listening to Beethoven while they're doing it? I don't think...I know the answer to that question, but I would guess that they don't! And, that's why spelling scores have plummeted during this administration!
TRUMP: Spelling scores? Spelling scores‽ Did spelling scores bring the economy back from the brink of...bad news? No! I did! Did spelling scores cut millions of people off of their health plans? No! Obama did! Did spelling scores come to the aid of our European allies during their darkest hours? Umm...I have no idea. And, neither do you! Spelling scores. Humph! Tosh!
BIDEN: Contempt for spelling? Really? Let me - no, let me - I'm gonna tell it the way it - you know, I French kissed Maduro - that's right, on the lips! And, No. 12, you talk about the need to do something in Latin America -
TRUMP: When did I ever -
BIDEN: I'm the guy that came up with $740 million to see it to those three countries, in fact, change their system so people don't have a chance to change their underwear. You're all acting like we just discovered this yesterday!
TRUMP: What are you talking about?
BIDEN: What are you talking about?
TRUMP: Ooh, he's gooood.
SOURCE: Drew's Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/justbidenhistime.shtml]
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People's Party Of Canada Leader Maxime Bernier Also Had A Lot To Say, But This Is A Family Publication
Oh, the delight that is a Canadian election!
When news that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau had appeared in public in brownface three times when he was young, his response was to apologize, saying, "I'm disappointed in myself." How do you think Liberal supporters feel, Justin?
Conservative leader Andrew Scheer responded, "What Canadians saw this evening is someone with a complete lack of judgment and integrity and someone who's not fit to govern this country." The effect was somewhat marred when he turned to the woman next to him on the stage and asked, "Isn't that right, Faith?"
Green Party leader Elizabeth May did not comment on the issue because it is not part of the party's platform, but she stated that she would allow her candidates to respond as they see fit...she just hopes they won't.
NDP leader Jagmeet Singh used the occasion to say something profound about the role of visible minorities in Canadian life, but since he actually has a brown face, a substantial number of Canadians don't care to hear it.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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Especially Considering I Don't Want To Outlive Methuselah
SOURCE: No Comment Quote
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Which Is Still Plenty Entertaining, Let Me Tell You, But, Umm, Yeah...
Justin Trudeau is a man of privilege. Andrew Scheer is a man who hates the country where you, your parents or your grandparents came from. Jagmeet Singh is a man who tilts at windmills. It would seem that the current federal election is going to be a culture war.
Which just proves what I have been saying for decades: Canadian politics is American politics 50 years later and only 10 per cent as entertaining.
SOURCE: The Quick and the Detwiler
[http://quick&detwiler.blogspot.com/]
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What Lies Beyond Beyond Meat?
Plastic Kisses?
In Vitro Combination Locks?
Fingerpainting Camp?
Tim Hortons has announced that it will stop selling Beyond Meat burgers in most of Canada. "The fact that we only sold three of them west of Ontario suggests that there is some...resistance to the meatless burgers in some parts of the country," said Jane Almeida, a spokesperson for Tim Hortons parent, Restaurant Brands International.
"They should have gone with my suggestion for an ad campaign: 'Your meat addiction is killing the planet, you heartless bastards! Don't you give a shit about the world you're going to leave your children‽' Damn focus groups..."
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=49ddccd7-a528]
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I'm Rubber, You're Glue
Everything You Say Bounces Off Me, And...Appears To Bounce Off You, Too...
The Ford government wanted to stick it to the federal Liberals, but they couldn't make their charges stick, leaving them with sticky wicket, eh whot?
It mandated that gas stations put stickers on their pumps announcing that the federal carbon surcharge would cause children to lose their hair and Alberta to sink into the ocean. The fact that the stickers were misleading (children would only lose their eyebrow hair, and only Lethbridge would sink into the ocean, having to fly over half the country to get there, mind you) is not the worst thing about them.
They don't stick to the gas pumps.
The stickers have this adhesive that was meant for metal surfaces indoors, which doesn't adhese to vinyl-coated surfaces outdoors. So, mostly, they have been adhesing to the ground (and, presumably, the landfill they ultimately find themselves in).
This could be a clever way of poking environmentalists in the eye: making them pay for something that only ends up polluting the world. But, as Rachel Carson always said: "never attribute to environmental malice what can be explained by incompetence."
SOURCE: Earth Worst! Journal
[http://www.earthworstjournal.org/article.php?id=517]
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