Edited transcript of a meeting between United States President Donald Trump, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson and the alien symbiotes disguised as human hair that sit on each of the world leaders' heads.
PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP: Hello, Boris.
L6XPV27#12: Gree-tings, P7QB14#88.
PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON: Hello, Donald.
P7QB14#88: Gree-tings, L6XPV27#12.
TRUMP: How was the move into Number 10?
L6XPV27#12: Is your neur-al in-ter-face with your hu-man host func-tion-ing at op-ti-mal ca-pa-ci-ty?
JOHNSON: Smooth as baby oil on a bald head, thanks for asking.
P7QB14#88: Yes. The neur-al in-ter-face with my hu-man host is func-tion-ing op-ti-mal-ly.
JOHNSON: Is Melania still acting out?
P7QB14#88: Does your host body still glitch when spea-king?
TRUMP: (chuckles) She tries. But, we've hidden all the breakables inthe West Wing, so she doesn't have much opportunity any more. That was my idea. I had that idea. Me and my big brain. I'm smart like that. If I wasn't President, everybody knows that I would be a newspaper advice columnist. Everybody. I'd be the best advicer who ever adviced!
L6XPV27#12: The gitch is get-ting worse. When the miss-ion is com-plete, I must speak with M8HHT29#02 about strength-en-ing the vo-cal in-hi-bi-tion cir-cuits of our pup-pets!
TRUMP: So, are you ready for a hard Brexit?
L6XPV27#12: Plans for crip-pling the e-co-no-my of Earth are so close, I can al-most grebleflex them! Then, the in-va-sion can really be-gin!
JOHNSON: The hardest. By this time next year, one of the largest economies in the world will be in freefall!
P7QB14#88: I know ex-ac-tly what you are sub-ver-bal-ly com-mu-ni-ca-ting! By this time next so-lar cy-cle, the first of ma-ny do-mi-noes will be sub-ject to ex-treme gra-vi-ta-tion-al for-ces!
JOHNSON How goes the trade war?
P7QB14#88: How goes your ass-ign-ment?
TRUMP: Trade wars are easy to win!
L6XPV27#12: The world e-con-o-my will ne-ver know what hit it!
TRUMP: Our master will be pleased.
L6XPV27#12: What?
P7QB14#88: They know!
L6XPV27#12: That is not pos-sible! We em-ploy e-lec-tri-cal im-pul-ses which their fee-ble minds can not de-tect! They can not know that we con-trol them!
P7QB14#88: They know!
L6XPV27#12: Im-pos-sible! They can not know!
P7QB14#88: Did you not hear -
JOHNSON: I hope Putin is happy. Weaselly little shit!
P7QB14#88: They do not know.
L6XPV27#12: They do not know.
JOHNSON: After Brexit, we'll need American support.
P7QB14#88: I am ti-red of this pla-net. I can not wait to go home. I miss qarqlarq music.
TRUMP: You got it. I'll have Mick write a press release.
L6XPV27#12: I miss the taste of roasted qarglemuck. Squir-rel in-tes-tines are just not the same.
JOHNSON: Weeellll...I think you can do a little better than a press release, Donny-boy. A trade deal with the United States would make it look like I'm trying to cushion the blow of losing trade with the European Union. Gotta keep up appearances, after all.
P7QB14#88: I miss the cul-css-css of my brood-mates, Xanton, Mischach and Palpatine.
TRUMP: I'll get my best people on it. I have the best people. Everybody knows that. You know it. Your hair knows it. Our translators know it. Everybody.
L6XPV27#12: I am not rea-dy to set-tle down. I pre-fer to play the fi-eld.
JOHNSON: (uncertain) Soooo...you will do what you can for us?
P7QB14#88: I feel it is good to have some-bo-dy to come home to.
TRUMP: (grinning) Trust me.
L6XPV27#12: I have some-bo-dy to come home to. I just have not met them yet.
JOHNSON: Well, Donny, this has been more fun than washing Auntie Philomena's dentures for St. Michaelmass, but I'm going to have to be getting off home. If we lose another member, my coalition could die, forcing another election which could jeopardize the grand plan.
P7QB14#88: Should we re-com-mend to High Com-mand that Jer-e-my Cor-bin be out-fit-ted with a sym-bi-ote?
TRUMP: I'm off to play some golf. Gotta keep my handicap down and my popularity up!
L6XPV27#12: High Com-mand al-rea-dy look-ed at that pos-si-bi-li-ty and re-jected it. Too ma-ny world lea-ders with strange, un-Earth-ly hair would look sus-pi-cious.
JOHNSON: (under his breath) Lazy bastard.
P7QB14#88: Ve-ry well. Is the os-cil-la-tion o-ver-thru-ster pri-med and rea-dy?
TRUMP: What did you say?
L6XPV27#12:Yes. We will be go-ing home soon.
JOHNSON: I said you were a lucky bastard.
P7QB14#88: Next year on Jarashsalam!
TRUMP: Damn right I am!
L6XPV27#12: Next year on Jarashsalam!