Thank you, Eleanore Roosevelt, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, antibiotics. They're not something you think about until you get a nasty infection. It's okay. We don't judge. Except for Andy Plotempkin. We judge him. We judge him plenty. Other than him, though, we're good. Honestly, how can we judge when our parents gobbled antibiotics like they were candy (which was awkward, since the drugs had to be injected at the time), and they created Wonderbread and spandex.
Don't try to tell them who the greatest generation was!
Unfortunately, antibiotics are bacteria incubators. Oh, sure, they can kill 99% of the bacteria...s they target, but the surviving one per cent will be the strongest, and will go on to breed a much stronger version of the bacteri...umm... Which will require stronger antibiotics. Which will cause the bacteria to grow stronger. And, so on, and so on, until the bacteria admit that the race has become too expensive for them to continue pursuing and could everybody please just chill out? Ha, ha. No, actually, that race would end with us reaching a limit of how strong the antibiotics we can create would be, causing the extinction of half the human race from previously easily treatable infections.
To do our part to stave off this dire future, we refused to use antibiotics for minor infections. We felt good about that, until we heard that Andy Plotempkin had used amoxiprofferin to “(which we later learned was his left arm - he's really squeamish about body parts). Andy Plotempkin! As we sat in our doctor's waiting room, we realized that there was no point abstaining from antibiotics - if Andy Plotempkin was using them, the human race was doomed anyway.
Not that we don't judge.
Enjoy,When Evangicals Have A “Come To JESUS CHRIST, WHAT ARE WE GETTING OURSELVES INTO‽" Moment
6. Trump voters overwhelmingly approved of the job their man in the White House was doing on the economy.
7. And, they were warned that there would come a day when their faith would be tested, and lo that day came to pass because of the Trump Administration's Tariffs on Bibles.
8. For the tariffs, in all their righteous wrath, fury and troops of avenging angels, didst yet affect Bibles, which are produced in vast numbers in China.
9. And, the President said unto them: “Pay extra for thy worship, lest the crafty Chinese get away with undercutting American manufacturing and, yeah, verily, destroyeth our economy for now and evermore. So unfair. So. Unfair."
10. And, He pronounced it good.
11. And in rectories and in chancelleries and in pulpits and in pews across the land, ratty, dog-eared Bibles became the people's primary vehicle of worship.
12. And, the People rose up in their suffering and did say, “Where, oh President, where will we find new Bibles to be our primary vehicle for worship because, verily, we do not know where these Bibles have been, nor in whose hands, nor what those hands may have been doing before or after holding our Holy book."
13. And, the President, their God, said unto them, “Suck it up, losers! How did you think I was going to America great again?"
14. And, it was good.
SOURCE: The Bible - The Continuing Story
[http://www.thenewestnewtestament.com/the_further_teachings_of_jesus/on_tariffs/lk06_37a.html]
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SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/803.html]
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Boris Johnson has announced that, to celebrate his inevitable ascension to Number Ten, he will be accompanied by a plastic ice pillow. “Pointless, expensive, environmentally damaging," the Prime Minister in wading (through the muck) assured his followers at a pre-victory rally.
“Umm...I don't believe I have ever actually said that," Johnson stated.
Well, maybe not about yourself, but do such trivial details actually matter...?
SOURCE: The Smarmian
[http://www.thesmarmian.com/national/2019/jul/24/when-hacks-attack]
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“Send Her Back Issues Of Amazing Stories" Just Doesn't Have The Same Feeling...
Attendees at a Trump rally chant, “Send her back! Send her back!" Trump sposkeweasels claim that the people at the rally were chanting, “Send her flowers! Send her flowers!" Video of the rally shows that the chanters were not talking about flowers, chocolate or singing telegrammes. They were very clearly chanting, “Send her back! Send her back!" Trump spokesweasels allow that the rally attendees were very clearly chanting what they were very clearly chanting, but that's okay because the President immediately stopped them and moved on. Video of the rally shows that President Trump allowed the chanting to go on for 13 seconds, through which he basked in the adoration of the crowd, only starting to speak again when the chanting appeared to die down.
No, seriously, think about that for a moment. The President didn't contribute to a chant that he had incited. This is the standard the Republicans now hold themselves to. When a Democratic politician is physically attacked, Trump spokesweasels will say, well, okay, but at least he didn't fire any of the shots himself. When video surfaces of President Trump actually holding a gun, Republican spokesweasels will say, well, okay, but at least he didn't pull the trigger. When the full video is made public showing the President aiming a gun at a Democratic politician and firing, Republican spokesweasels will say that he didn't fire the shot that actually killed her. When the autopsy report shows that the bullet that actually killed the Democratic politician came from the President's gun, Republican spokesweasels will shrug and say, eh, he was on Fifth Avenue, what are you gonna do?
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=979&dir=bb]
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