Thank you, Butina Braveheart, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we were sitting on the bus when the stop announcements started getting strange. "Next stop, Combe Avrilaveenoo." We were pretty sure that it was "Combe Avenue," that that was what it had been since we were knee-high to a rhinoceros. Then, we got to "Overbrook Bizzlepizzlefixx." Now, that was just not right! It was Place...or Plaza...or Pimento or something, but it was most definitely not Bizzlepizzlefixx! At first, we thought this might be part of Premier Ford's vendetta against Toronto. After a while, our cooler heads finally figured out what the problem was: the TTC had gotten the person who announces the stops on the subway to record the stops on the buses.
We can't wait to hear them pronounce "Trethewey Avenue!"
Enjoy,Hyde In Plain Sight
The evolution of a President's position:
"It's infrastructure week - so I want you to know that there was no collusion."
"It's infrastructure week...again - oh, and, by the way, there was no collusion."
"This time, we're going to get infrastructure week right - but, in the meantime, there was no collusion."
"Sure, I would accept information on a political opponent from a foreign nation. It's called oppo research. Everybody does it."
"Finally, it's infrastructure week - for reals this time - and still no collusion!"
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=975&dir=bb]
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Aww, Get A Room, You Two! (Preferably One That Hadn't Been Bombed Out...)
President Donald Trump pined on Twitter for a meeting with brutal dictator Kim Jong-Un in the demilitarized zone between the two Koreas. The other day, he got his wish.
Everybody has their own way of celebrating the 50th anniversary of Stonewall, I guess...
SOURCE: Yellow Triangle Blues
[http://ytb.gay/June_2019/internationalcourtship.htm]
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Compoopootetition At Your Own Peril
The Competition and Markets Authority (CMA), Britain's corporate regulator, has told Facebook and eBay to crack down on the sale of fake and misleading online reviews. The CMA said it had found over 100 eBay listings offering fake reviews for sale, as well as identifying 26 Facebook groups with people offering to write fake reviews or businesses recruiting people to write them on popular shopping and review sites.
Response has been swift and sharp. reallivehumanbeing00027 wrote: "the compoopootetition and muckets authority needs to grow up!"
reallivehumanbeing00002 wrote: has the cma never heard of fredom of speeech? If they're looking for something to investigate, they should look into Corbyn's anti-Veganism!"
reallivehumanbeing00042 wrote: "Instructions for reading the CMA report were unclear. For this reason, when I tried to use it to cook a steak, the meat came out tough as shoe plastic. If I had known how badly the report would perform in my kitchen, I never would have bought it. Seriously, if I could give it negative stars, I would! If I could go back in time, I would keep myself from buying it. And, probably, going out on a date with Andy Sipowicz. But you get my point: I'm surprised the CMA report didn't result in a kitchen fire that burned my whole apartment down!"
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/110711/geeklynews/01facebooknonono.htm]
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Mmm...The Likely Result Would Be More Of A Moped, But We Get Your Point
Conservative Senator Denise Batters said that a power outage in Regina was a preview of Canada's future if Justin Trudeau was reelected as Prime Minister. SaskPower said that the outage was caused by an issue with a major transformer in the area.
"Are you saying that I'm a major Transformer?" Prime Minister Trudeau asked. "Because, you know, I've always wanted to fold up into myself and turn into a Camaro!"
SOURCE: Vancouver Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/VancouverStunned/News/2019/06/22/509727.html]
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I Acknowledge That Some People Could Be Disappointed In My Acknowledgement. Disappointment Is A Hard Emotion, A Barnacle On The Side Of Hope. Disappointment Sucks The Oxygen Out Of Fun And Replaces It With - What? You're Disappointed In My Acknowledgement Of Your Disappointment In My Acknowledgement? There's Just No Pleasing Some People!
How not to make an Indigenous land acknowledgement:
"Before we begin, I would like to talk about the land on which this [library/university/abattoir] was built. It is land. Soil. Dirt. Things grow in it. It has been around a long time - as long as I can remember, and I'm not as old as I look! Ha ha ha...but, seriously. If there was no land, what would our cars drive on? Makes you think, eh? Eh? Eh? Makes you think? Of course it does. And, while you're thinking about land, acknowledging it, if you will, be thankful that it is there. Nobody wants to drive their cars through space!"
SOURCE: Michelle's Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
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You Know What They Say In Hollywood: All Blooper Reel, No Cattle
At a press conference at the G20 summit, United States President Donald Trump was asked if he would demand that Russia stop interfering in American elections. Wagging his finger at Russian President Vladimir Putin, he said, "President, you must - ha ha - you - hee hee hee - you...you...you stop - no, must stop - I mean, sorry about that. I'm sorry. Line? We can...we can save that take for the blooper reel..."
SOURCE: CBBS News
[http://www.cbbsnews.com/stories/2019/06/27/international/main542815.shtml]
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Teachable Schmeachable - How Does Gwyneth Paltrow REALLY Feel About Chris Martin's New Partner?
After reports of children of migrants at detention centres in the United States not being given the resources to wash themselves or brush their teeth, the conservative echo-chamber came to the defence of the Trump administration's policy of "extreme inhumanity."
"Germ theory?" Sean Hannity said on his Fox News show. "It's just a theory, people. It's not a fact! Theories are not facts! And, that's a fact! For all we know, there are gremlins in the body that cause people to become sick. If gremlins are the cause of illness, we would just be wasting public funds giving children in custody soap and water when they should be getting an exorcist!"
"Life is hard," observed Ann Coulter, spokesperson for...umm...at large. "Children should not be molly-coddled by the state - they should learn as young as possible just what a cesspit the world is. Trust me, when they grow up, those kids will be thanking us for the hard lessons we taught them!"
When those children grow up? What if they don't survive the detention camps?
"That's also a teachable moment, isn't it?" Coulter snorted.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2019Jun30.html]
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